Is it wrong to be disappointed in the job your husband has chosen?

Question

My husband works for his Dad right now in a construction company and he makes $25 an hour with no benefits whatsoever. There are times when my husbands payroll check has bounced, times where he gets paid 2 1/2 weeks late, and he is stressed because none of the workers are very compitant. He recently quit because of the workers complaining all of the time and the pressure on him because he is the only one who really knows what hes doing. He went to work sidejobs with my uncle in construction and has been happy during this time. My uncle offered him a job in the union where he would start out at $35 an hour full medical and dental for the whole family, $3000 a year vacation bonus, etc... We are in hard times finanically but my husband instead of taking this job with my uncle that would greatly help our family he would rather go back to his Dad because he said he is happier there. I am upset that he is making this choice and he gets angry when I question his choice.

He is not budging on this at all. Do I not have a right to be upset about his choice and if or if not how do I deal with my negative feelings about it to keep my marriage together?. By the way the job is less labourous then the job he currently has from his own words. Why would he choose to do this even though he could have a job and have benefits and retirements that would better our family situation. I am not all about the $$$ I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am a stay at home mom of a 5 month old and I have a newspaper route at 1am in the morning to bring in extra money. How do I get over this besides just dealing with it?

Answer 1

No not at all. My husband was in the process of getting his journeymens ticket when he was approached to drive long-haul truck for what was promised to be a great job with great wage etc etc. I was mortified...my hubby was so much better than that. (nothing against truck drivers but the ones I know aren't that great) He started this when our son was a month old and was gone from Monday - Friday. It sucked, I was alone with a newborn, our phone bills were astronomical, his food expenses were massive and it just wasn't a good time. He too got pretty upset when I questioned his choice and always defended it with "the money is good". Well it wasn't, I sat down one day & figured out all of our expenses just for him to be gone and calculated it with his wage & hours we was away...well it worked out to him making about $8.00/hour. He couldn't believe it when I showed him the spread sheet.

So as our son grew and was really changing my hubby realized how much he was truly missing. Then fate struck, we met up with his old boss one day at Wal-Mart...on the spot he offered his old job back, and he was able to get back with his apprenticeship and normal 8 hour days!! He was hesitant at first to go...I pulled out the stack of bills, reminded him impending school costs and I may actually want to take a vacation some day.

Well he went back to his old job...6 months ago now...is making about $35.00/hour, is home every night at 5:00 when we get home and is able to spend time with us both now.

So maybe your hubby feels tied to his Dad more than the Uncle. There could be some underlying story there...ask him. Maybe you should break it down for him on paper to show him exactly the pros & cons of each job. Guys tend to be very loyal when it comes to friends, jobs and that sort of thing. Discuss it reasonably and hopefully everything will work out.

Answer 2

Yes, you have a right to be angry, however, you are going to have to deal with it. You cannot make him change his mind. The choice he made is probably because of his loyalty to his father, sad but true. He really needs to come to the understanding that he needs to do what is best for his family. And not having medical benefits is a big deal. I wish I could offer some advice, however, I don't have any other than let the situation ride for a minute and then try to bring it up again. Ask him to sit down and do a compare and contrast of the situation, on paper this maybe helpful if he sees it in black and white. Good luck and God bless**** And pray a great deal of prayer, God works miracles.

Answer 3

He should be angry you question his choice of vocation! I mean it's $25 an hour! I make less than that and I have $143,000 home! It sounds like it's not the job but the spending that's the problem! That, I would guess, would be in the vicinity of your problem area, right? Listen, it's a wonderful thing to have a job that you like. Yes all jobs irritate us, but having one that you would stay at instead of risking a career change for more $'s shows happiness. Sit down with him, tell him you support his decision, and say that you two need to work on a budget that would keep him there at that job, while still allowing for the necessities of life.

Answer 4

I guess I would feel the same exact way you do. Sounds like he sure turned down a great job offer (what a shame). But, you must support your husband in his decision. You have voiced your opinion to him. So, you need to let him be a big boy and maybe he will get fed up and realize he made a mistake. Until then, don't let his decision ruin your marriage.

Answer 5

ok, each little thing your stating are purple flags in a relationship. One, you're with somebody this is undependable, controling, has an anger and emotional project, and now he looks like he's getting bodily abusive with you, or is heading in this direction. He is likewise putting your son in an perplexing emotional project. I comprehend your son continues to be very youthful, yet by way of fact the father he shouldn't say the failings he grew to become into asserting to a small baby. that's misguided and immature. he's amazingly actually throwing a temper tantrum and that for the duration of itself is a extensive warning call for the destiny. right this is the component, don't sense embarrassed or stupid for being the place you're. you ought to no longer have ordinary he grew to become into going to handle you like this. it ought to be perplexing, yet my suggestion could be to objective and consult with him approximately this, even although i will tell suited off that he's not the type to take a seat down and flippantly paintings issues out. in simple terms attempt and %. an opportune 2d. If that fails, and whether it doesnt, confide in on your acquaintances and kinfolk. in simple terms incase your husband's verbal and actual abuse turns into worse afterward, it would be even harder to tutor for help. So get it now, get suggestion from them. They love you and could purely prefer the splendid for you. i'm sorry you're in this occasion and that i wish you the better of success.

Answer 6

He chose this job because he is happy doing it. Why would you want him to be miserable in a job only to come home from work miserable? If you couldn't deal with his choice of careers before you got married WHY did you get married? If you're so gung ho about your uncle's offer why don't YOU take the job.

Answer 7

If he was so happy there in the first place then why did he quit the first time? Doesn't seem like he really knows what he wants. Yes, you do have a right to be disappointed but ultimately the choice is still his.

Answer 8

hard as it may be you are going to have to support him in this decision. If he is truly unsatisfied with it he will change it. While it prevents other issues for your family, encourage him and tell him you just want him to be happy. Maybe he is afraid of making a big step like that and is afraid he will let your Uncle down. Talk to him gently and be encouraging . Tell him your fears and let him tell you his. Communication is how a relationship works and how things get resolved.

Answer 9

A man has pride and he won't take hand me downs out of pity. A man needs to feel that he is the provider for his family and be happy where he is.

It might not make sense, but I agree with your husband. His pride would be hurt if he takes the job that your uncle so generously offered.

Sorry, I understand that you are dissapointed, but he is the man of the house, so let his ego be kept intact.

I'll take job though heheh

Answer 10

I have been in a similar position and trust me it is not wrong for you to be disappointed but the important factor is to remember that he is the one who has to go to work every morning to this job and if he's not happy no matter how great the job it won't last, trust me