I have been married for a long time. With in the last year, my wife has put on 25 lbs. I don't find it attractive so our sex life has slowed down. She ask me if I mind her extra weight and like an idiot I said she could stand to lose a few pounds. She says I should love her unconditionally even if she gained 100 lbs. I do love her but I don't find her very attractive. I know you'll ask what about you! I am 6-2 and weigh 200 lbs, I exercise regularly. So I should not mind because I love her uncondtionally. If this true for both partners? I wonder if I came home and said I quit my job, I just don't want to work anymore. And by the way, we are going to have sell the house, sell her BMW and live in a crappy apartment. And you will have to get a job. I know that is tough because I have busted my hump off so she could stay home and raise our kids. So if I quit my job, shouldn't she still love me unconditionally. Men are visually atracted to women and women are more attracted by security.
2006-11-17 08:50:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I do see both sides of the story here. In my opinion, sexual attractiveness IS important in the marriage and I think it's only right that each spouse make themselves attractive to each other. Thank God this is a non issue in our marriage as my husband and I are both very active physically but your wife is also right. You should love her unconditionally no matter what. Though this doesn't mean that if she gains 100 lbs you would still find her attractive.
Now think about this scenario. What if she got into a terrible accident and her face and body got disfigured as a result. Would you still love her then?
2006-11-17 09:07:00 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes a man should love his wife unconditionally, just as a woman should love her husband unconditionally. When you get married, you make that commitment that is for life. Here is what I mean: I have a friend who got married very early in her life and during the course of her marriage gave her first husband unconditional tender, loving care throughout the marriage but the sad part with this marriage is that it failed. Right now, according to the last phone call that I made to her, she was ready to hear the famous question again so that she can be married for the second time!!!!
2016-03-19 10:18:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you exercise why don't you make it a couples thing. Tell her it's affecting your attraction to her (in a sincere manner). Express that you do love her and it would make you happier if she would make an effort to try to lose some of the weight she has gained.
Go with her grocery shopping, Select healthy foods to prepare, there are so many choices out there for good healthy food without having to starve or go without taste.
Tell her you would like her to go for walks with you. I have a friend who walks every day and it has made a huge difference in her weight. She will appreciate your efforts in supporting her and being there for her while she makes the effort to lose the extra weight.
I'm sure with running around with the kids (not an easy job by the way) that she is just as exhausted as you when you get home so... therefore your being a part of the exercise plan helps her to still spend some time with you and at the same time work on something that is going to benefit your relationship as well.
Be gentle and kind with your words to her and encourage her rather than criticize her for the gain. Acknowledge her efforts and let her know how proud you are of her as a wife and as a Mother (believe me this will go a long way). Just the slightest acknowledgement of her importance in your life and your appreciation will make her want to please you even more.
Hold her and hug her, tell her you love her and tell her you don't take all she does for granted (I guarantee you she will return the compliment and feel so loved by you)
:)
2006-11-17 09:01:47 · answer #3 · answered by dribble 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Romantic love is NOT unconditional.
I think it's best that you be honest and say that 25 extra pounds makes it more difficult to love her.
If romantic love were unconditional, then we could romantically love anyone.
Since you didn't just choose anyone, then there must be some conditions to romantic love.
You should have no shame for loving the woman you married and if her additional weight bothers you, it bothers you.
However, I have to wonder if 25# is worth losing it all over. If she had a couple of kids and has to keep up with them, then I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect that she keep her pre-children figure.
I'm not saying you are wrong, because I don't believe romantic love is unconditional. Instead, I'm asking you to look at the conditions you require and determine if they are reasonable.
I hope that makes sense.
2006-11-17 08:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unconditional love is a fantasy! No one can do it, not even God! Lets define this thing shall we? Unconditional means...No matter what I say, no matter what I do, No matter what I believe or think, and time is not a factor, you will always love me. Like I said, even God doesn't follow these guidelines. If He did then Hell would always be empty! Everyone must accept the consequences of their actions. As for your wife, she must accept that you will still love her , but with far less passion than before, due to her increase in girth! You said she could stand to lose a few pounds... what do you think the consequences of telling the truth should be. Remember...she ASKED you this question! You are not being brutally honest in this instance. Good Luck!
2006-11-17 09:02:03 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that one should love their spouse "unconditionally", but I would add "within reason". What "within reason" actually means varies from person to person. Marriage is a give-and-take, and using the "you have to love me unconditionally" line to justify doing something that upsets your partner is the very last resort. I can relate to your wife's problem, it gets harder and harder to keep oneself in shape as we get older, and if you throw the kids into the equation it might become nearly impossible to take the time out for yourself. I imagine, she was quite upset by your comment. That said, I don't think you're being unreasonable. 25 lbs is a lot - I gained about 10 since I've known my husband, and it's very noticeable. I agree that it is more important for men than for women that their partner is in a decent shape; just as it is more important for women than for men that their partner is a good provider and protector. If I was the wife, I would no doubt be upset at the fact that my husband no longer found me as attractive; but I wouldn't put a blame on him - instead, I would try to figure out how to remedy the situation. I don't think you're expecting her to look the way she looked when she was 18... But it would certainly be possible to drop about 15-20 lbs with sensible diet and some exercise.
2006-11-17 09:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, yes, you should love her unconditionally. Same goes for her. And she should love you enough to take care of herself! After all, those 25 extra pounds will bring friends... and they are also enough to put her in danger of diabetes, heart condition, kidney/liver disease, and major physical handicaps/crippling. That's just dumb. If she's only 25 pounds overweight, she could have that off by Christmas - and give you a nice gift there, too!
2006-11-17 09:24:20 · answer #7 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your example is a little too drastic. She has gained 25 pounds. That isn't going to make her obese. Your example was to cause you both to have a dramatic change in life style. If you wanted to grow your hair to your waist and have a long scruffy beard, she should not complain. That would be a better comparison.
I believe in the unconditional love aspect. You should accept and love her as she is because she is your wife. She should accept and love you as your are because you are her husband. A few physical changes should not interfere with that.
What if she had been burned in an accident? Would you still love her if her face was disfigured? The weight has disfigured her body, but not the person inside of it.
2006-11-17 08:58:35 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should build her up and tell her you love her no matter what. Then she'll start feeling good about herself. If you feel good about yourself on the inside it shows on the outside. She'll want to lose weight. And you should love her unconditionally as she loves you unconditionally. She should see that you are not attracted to the extra weight and want to change for you...but who wants to change for someone that tears you down?
2006-11-17 09:00:08 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain that you do love her but if she keeps gaining weight she won't be around as long to love. Instead of spinning it from a looks perspective (seemingly shallow), try approaching the health and lifestyle aspects it affects. Find some activities she likes and offer to do them with her. Not only will it help get her in shape, it is great bonding.
2006-11-17 09:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by Meems 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋