And it was the wife's idea to lets say take an equity line of credit out of the house to do some remodeling to the house. Ultimately as husband or wife you come together to make decisions and respect each others opinion regardless of what choice you ultimately make. Is it fair to blame the wife since it was her suggestion in the first place if the financial choice made them go through hard times money wise? My husband is blaming this on me even though he didn't even disagree in the first place with the choice. What do I do? This seems unfair to me and it hurts me that he is putting all the weight of our financial choices on my shoulders instead of us going through it together.
2006-11-17 08:50:11 · 13 answers · asked by Bellas Mama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He never told me he just flat out didn't want to do it. If he gives into me without arguement or question how am I to know this unless he speaks up? For him to assume I should of just known better is just a cop out of responsibility for him. I even admitted I would do things differently if I could go back but at this point but why dwell on that impossibility? I am just unhappy because I feel he has a grudge on me for spending money period regardless if he agreed or not. I never do things without his ok. I'll admit I would be quicker to spend money then he would but isn't that common in marriages anyways? One is a saver one is a spender, one is shy the other is loud? Marriage would be a bore if we were all the same. I am working on being more responsible financially because I don't like how the squeeze of being in over your head feels. I am working on a budget right now to be more organized. Thanks for your advice. :)
2006-11-17 09:36:09 · update #1
I'm not sure what exactly to tell you but i definitely think he shouldn't blame everything on you. Sure, being married means you might go through financially difficulties but you are suppose to go through things like that together. And since he gave you the ok that you needed, he is just as much responsible as you are.
I bet you have already talked to him, right? Because everytime somebody posts a question there's always somebody that says "Talk to him". What did he say? It sounds like you are just accepting it the way it is.
And yes, there's always a Saver and a Spender. I can say out of my marriage, i know i'm the spender and my hubby is the saver and i also know i'm the loud one and he's the shy one. But they say 'Opposites Attract'.
Anyway, to come to an end...
He should have agreed that it was his fault, too. I think he is the one that made a mistake. You've admitted you would've done it different if you knew this would happen.
I hope i helped you at least a little bit. Don't feel too guilty about it, remember, he gave you the ok about the money. I think he needs to think about what he said and that he never stopped you from getting the money for the remodeling.
2006-11-17 09:48:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was his choice too. He shouldn't be placing blame on you, he signed the papers too, right? Possibly the money issues are so overwhelming for him that he just needs to feel that it isn't his fault. Have you pointed out to him that this was not just your doing? Possibly a couple of sessions with a marriage counselor could help you two see each other's side.
If you are having a hard time financially, maybe you should look at refinancing your mortgages and paying off debt. In most cases there is a mortgage company that can help you, and since you have done some remodeling, your house should appraise better than when you purchased it. I work in the business and help people in this situation all the time. If you do this though, make sure that your husband is fully involved in the decision so that he can't place blame if there is an issue down the road.
2006-11-17 08:59:43 · answer #2 · answered by babyred 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In theorty, if the decision was made by both husband AND wife, the responsibility for this choice rests on both of them. If he disagrees with the decision, he needs to speak up when the decision is being made.
Now, it is entirely possible that the person who came up with the suggestion in the first place was so "sold" on it that the arguments of the other side were not heard. Perhaps the other side had been in arguments before, and decided it was easier to just give in than to fight it out.
It's hard to say what happened without hearing from both sides.
2006-11-17 09:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Point blank ask him did he feel like he was cheated out of the decision process? What can we do to make sure you feel like you are involved in our choices more?
Next - point blank say, while it's always comforting to be able to blame someone else - does it really matter at this point who's fault it is? Does it really make any difference at this point in time? It's time to stop worrying about "why" and start focusing on "what now" help him feel more proactive about this by letting him lead the discussion of a plan to get out of the debt.
good luck!
2006-11-17 09:01:21 · answer #4 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how he went along. If you nagged him until he gave in, then you are due a healthy amount of his resentment.
So is he for giving in, if that was the case. The above is one possible scenario.
If you both, mutually and enthusiastically agreed, then I'd say he's voluntarily in the canoe with you.
I think I'd take the focus off the blame game and decide how you are going to paddle the canoe to a safe place.
I think I'd also apologize and say you understand it was your idea and it turned out poorly, and that you want to find a solution that works for both of you.
2006-11-17 09:02:12 · answer #5 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, i trust so. How is she residing now and not using a job? they'll ask her for a source of income and he or she will be able to not destroy out with putting forward she doesn't have a job and her new husband looks after her. She might want to by no potential have a job and by no potential ought to pay you a penny? Yea good. Texas after I filed, no matter if the ex did not have a job, the youngsters are nonetheless their monetary duty to boot. The court will provide such a good number of months to come across a job, if she refuses, they'll nonetheless provide her a month-to-month quantity to pay. If she will be able to not pay it, it accumulates as decrease back toddler help. she may ought to pay decrease back toddler help for the months she isn't paying you. If she is married it does grow to be his duty indirectly. the bottom line is endurance and how serious your state takes toddler help. Texas looks to.solid success
2016-11-29 05:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No his is as much to blame as you are. Actually everyone makes wrong decision and hopefully you will recover financially, but if he is unreasonable than the most important think you have, your relation will be damaged. Tell him that you love him and if he wants to insist that you are at fault he is wrong.
2006-11-17 09:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no is's niot fair he could of told you it wasn't a good ides and try another way of getting the credit or just not remodel your home at that time but no he decided at the time your idea was good so you both went ahead and did it so no he shouldn't blame you.
2006-11-17 08:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. He doesn't have the right to blame you because he was also part of the final decision.
2006-11-17 09:12:49 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the decision was made together...the blame lies on both of you....he signed the papers too didn't he?
2006-11-17 09:00:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋