Divorce -messed up situation, what is best for kids?

Question

I am in such a messed up situation. I am divorced with two young kids. My ex got involved in hard core drugs while we are married, then he caught HIV/Aids disease and almost gave it to me while i was pregnant, but did not, then he cheated on me with several people. We are now divorced, and because I was so worried for the kids safety, I have the divorce agreement with supervised visitation for the kids. I also felt that if I went for full child support, he would make my life hell, because he could not see the kids alone and would be paying all this money. ( he makes a lot of money). So, now I only take half but because of it I have to work full time, so my kids barely see me. Would you go for full child support but let him visit with the kids more with his family as the supervisor? That is what he would do or would you give up the money for you and your kids and work full time? I just totally freak out on top of his problems,he will have blood accident & infect the kids!! Help!!

Answer 1

The laws are pretty straight forward in most states. There is a formula for figuring child support based on both of your incomes and what expenses you have. Health insurance, day care, etc. Visitation is a whole different story. if you can prove that he is an unfit father or that the children may be in danger, then his visitation can be eliminated or very restricted. Alot of this is up to how sympathetic the judge is and how good of a lawyer each of you have. Good Luck and try to make your decisions based on what is best for the kids

Answer 2

That's a tough one. I would go for full support and hold back the increase in visitation as a negotiating tool. Only pull it out if you have to - and you probably will. That would freak me out to but I think the possibility that he will infect the kids will always be there. It is simply out of your control. Better to let God handle that one. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sorry yet your question all started with "he isnt like all different married creeps", even as you've only painted a image of him the position it shows he's. at the starting up no protecting sex in spite of if he swears blind his spouse cant get pregnant, what makes you imagine that he replaced into telling the truth? He requested you to have a termination? and then not contact him because you've been pregnant he went back to his spouse...would not this educate you what he concept-about your relationship? you honestly used his spouse to come again at him and telling her wasnt proper, even in spite of the actuality that I firmly have self assurance that even in spite of the actuality that he needed you to have a termination he continues to be to blame for HIS unborn baby, his spouse will now be hurting better than you or he's. only lie low for somewhat as there could be mixed emotions now from him, and if there has been no contact with you once you've had the toddler, you should the contact him to inform him and ask him if he needs to have any area contained in the toddler's life, if its a no, then you truthfully could bypass on for the sake of your quickly to be nuclear family individuals.

Answer 4

i dont think you should feel bad about taking full custody, especially with a problem like that. why would you give up the money that doesnt make sense because he made those children so he should have to support them just like you do and he would probably still want to go and see his kids

Answer 5

you have every right to feel that way and i think you should explain to your kids what he did.Go for more child support .Its that fools fault for messin up .He should be happy to see them at all.You don't need to work so much.You watch the kids and he does nothing because he is so messed up.He needs to pay for what he doesn't do.Don't let him push you around.If he does i'll open up a can of i'm gonna whoop yo butt til the next millionium!
STAY STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD!YOU CAN ALSO CONFIDE IN THE BIBLE IT HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!

Answer 6

get the full amount your kids are entitled to and keep visitation as is. the judge authorized those visitations for a reason. just because he is paying more.....doesn't mean the children's safety is of any less value.

Answer 7

Listen honey, you get all the money due your children, that is your first responsibility. He is not living with them, not putting the roof over their heads, cloths on their backs food on the table, and these are only the most basic needs, not even coming close to all the other needs children have finacially. Now, I don't want you to think I am being mean here, I just want to be stern in this message to you. You do not have a right to refuse to take all the money the courts would grant you for the children. The money has nothing to do with how much visitation he gets, or what type of visitation he gets, or even if he sees the children at all. Child support is child support and seperate from Child Visitation. One has nothing to do with the other, period. You owe it to your children to provide for them best you can and that includes getting all the court says he should pay. The courts use a system in deciding how much a parent will pay, and that calculation is based on how much he earns, and a few other considerations depending on that amount.

Now, another thing: You also have no right to inflict a drug addict father on your children. I don't care if he is the richest man on the face of the earth, he is a drug addict or at the very least an drug abuser. Your children will be warped for life if they are subjected to him while he is on drugs and the people who he would bring around them, the life style of drug addicts and drug abusers is not pretty by any means. These people are users and abusers and your children would be severly harmed if subjected to that sort of an enviroment.

What are you thinking of allowing HIS family to be the supervisors? They will side with him and not do what is in the best interests of the children. Sadly, too many adults do not think of the rights the children should have, of the simple right to be free from abuse, drugs, and the affects of drugs. You would have no idea who he brought around your children and his family would never tell you, you are garanteed that. They will protect him and hide the truth from you until it is too late to protect your children from the sort of enviroment and people he would inflict upon them. Would he mean to do them harm? Maybe not, and maybe so. He certainly doesn't care if he pays them the proper amount the courts decided, regardless of what you had to say about it. If he were any sort of proper father he would WANT to pay his child support, just to ensure HIS children are properly cared for. The fact he is agreeing to not pay you what he is suppose to be paying you shows him as a poor father.

Also, YOU have no right to decide to not accept the full amount the court has order he pay his children. You are the children's custodian and as such you need to properly meet your responsibilitys and give them the amount the court ordered he pay them. While the money is theirs, it is yours to spend in their best interests, and you can't do that if you are not receiving it. Your children have no voices of their own, not until they are much older. In the meanwhile YOU are their voices and as such you need to demand the full amount each month. Also, just because you have NOT been demanding it each month, does not mean he does not still OWE it. He is backed up in his child support and you have allowed him to do this.

Listen, you need to work too. You need to get every dime he is suppose to pay, and work as well. I say this for two reasons. The first is that children are very expensive and college is a way to truly provide a future for them. Sure you may be getting by month to month, but you need to put money aside for their education. If they don't want to attend college, then their are trade schools, but you are well aware a high school education will get them nothing more than poverty level life styles when they are adults. You need to make sure that any money he sends is placed into interest baring accounts and made available for them for their education. Also, when they become teenager's the best way to teach them finacial responsibility is to allow them a portian of their child support (If you can afford to and it sounds you will be able to) to use to buy their own clothing, personal hygeine needs, and extras like movies and entertainment. This way they will learn the value of money and if they want more they will see work as a way of getting it. Seeing you work to get by in life is important for them to understand life is not a free ride and money is hard work. The second reason you need to work, even if you were rich, is for a place you can go and be with other adults. Otherwise you will go stark raving mad only cooped up with your children day in and day out. Even if it is vollunteer work, go out and do it, as it is important you feel a connection with the outside world and with other adults to interact with.

Now, in finish I will highlight what I have said here: You owe it to your children to ensure you are receiving every single dime the court has ordered their father to pay for their support. You would be irresponsible to not make sure he is paying what he owes his children, and this has nothing to do with his visitation, the form that visitation takes, or even if he never sees his children. You also owe it to your children to NOT allow HIS family to do the superivising of those visits as you will never know what they are bieng subjected to. I don't care how good of a relationship you had with your in-laws during your marriage, you are now divorced and their first loyalty will be to HIM, not YOU or even the children, sad as I am to have to tell you that. Many adults just fail to comprehend that children have rights too, and as the most vulnerable of our society, next to our elderly, require protection and have a right to be free of neglect and abuse, and not subjected to a father who is abusing drugs and anyone he brings around them how will also using drugs. People on drugs are not who they are off of drugs and they do very unpredictable things under the influance. You know that as well as the next as you were married to him, and divorced him.

Now, GOOD FOR OU FOR DIVORCING HIM!! SO MANY NEVER GET OUT BEFORE THE DAMAGE IS DONE.

You have every reason to be proud of getting out while the getting was good, and for protecting your children. Now, continue to do the great job you have been doing and collect every single dime he owes you and find somebody who will be loyal to you and the children for the visitaions. Bless you for taking care of yourself and of your children. One day they will thank you for taking such good care of them, even if it is not until they are grown, with children of their own. Bless you, Bless you, Bless you.

I wish you the utmost happiness and prosperity. One day a good man will come along and when he does you will be ready and find a happy companionship with him. Love is a gift, but of even more value is the knowlege you can live on your own and take care of yourself and your dependant children. You have given yourself and your children a priceless gift, in fact several priceless gifts. Keep up the good work, and please get all your children are due.

P.S. I read the response about 'using' the children as a bargaining tool. That is just totally the wrong thing to do. Children are not tools, and should never be used as such. I don't think some of these folks read your question well as they are assumming you are still in court fighting, but these are settled issues. It doesn't look to me like you are the type of immature individual who would ever use children as tools. Good for you!!