A couple of years ago, my husband was laid off at his job. He stayted home all day, or rambled around, and was basically lazy a*s. He drew unemployment (which was very little) and I was pregnant, and stressed, and overworked. He wouldn't hardly look for another job, in fact he still took our lil one to the sitters so he could "look for work" and "work around the house" (which he did neither of). When we were together, he just didn't act like he gave a crap about me or the baby. I got fed up, and told him I was leaving. Now, I've gotten my own place, gotten my feet on the ground again, and he wants to try to make it work again. He's improved somewhat, and I like his companionship at times, and he's essentially a good guy and he's a better dad now, but I just don't love him anymore. Should I take him back for the kids sake? I've told him that I don't love him, but he says he loves me and the kids and wants to try again.
2006-11-17 07:27:28 · 39 answers · asked by Kat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would suggest you go to counseling to see if you can mend your marriage; it might even be better than before. Losing a job can be devastating for anyone, but it's especially tough for men. It sounds like your husband fell into a depression and is just now climbing out of it. The fact that he still wants to try with you and has made some improvement says a lot.
If the counseling works, then give the marriage an honest try before you decide to throw in the towel.
Don't stay together because of the kids. I've seen that happen with disastrous results. The children wind up seeing their parents live a life of tolerance, not love.
He's making an effort; with some new communication skills and both of your working at your marriage, you may find that you love him again.
2006-11-17 07:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal choice would be to move on. If, as you say, you don't love him it will only cause problems. Think about what positives the kids will really be getting out of him coming back. Do you really want them picking up his bad habits? If you want to consider it, don't let him move in right away. Spend time watching to be sure that he really has straightened up his act. If he hasn't the same problems will exist as before and no matter what you say it will continue to affect you and the kids. You probably left because you didn't want the kids around that. You were thinking. There's a good possibility that if you allow him back the cycle will continue, but the choice is yours to make.
2006-11-17 07:39:39 · answer #2 · answered by jesims76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firts off...You NEVER do anything for the sake of the kids! If you are not happy than the kids will feel that. What you can do, is try maybe dating, spending some good quality time with him with the kids - but also the two of youcoudl try dating again, see if it rekindles anything. Make no permanent changes until you know exactly how you feel. This time it needs to be about YOU!! after that everything else will fall into place.....
2006-11-17 07:32:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he may have been going through some kind of depression. Hope he seeks some kind of counseling for it no matter what. If you've made up your mind that you no longer love him, then no... I would suggest not going back to him JUST for the kids - YOU won't be happy, there will be stress within the household and you'll end up doing more harm than good for your kids in the long run.
2006-11-17 07:34:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking for our permission to not take him back?
Because you two have had children together, you will always have a relationship now no matter what. But that doesn't mean that you need to take him back. It sounds to me that you are done with him, & would like to try a new relationship with another man. If you do that then you will want to re-define the relationship with your husband. That way you can be co-parents for your kids, & offer them nuturing environments in two separate homes. That would be a far better deal for the kids, than to have you tough it out in his home just for their sake.
2006-11-17 07:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you are out of that situation, why on earth would you go back with him for the kids. The kids are going to be happy if moms happy. If you are with this man only because of the children, those are the wrong reasons . Don't settle for him. Move on meet a man one day that you fall in love with and you like,
2006-11-17 10:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay friends and live apart dont get together 4 kids sake as this wont work you have to be happy about situation too can still do things as a family and is he trying to cash in on your hard work
2006-11-17 07:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by ariesfunram 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER stay together for the sake of the kids,they Will grow up an resent you both.And No you shouldn't take him back,especially knowing you don't love him.It sounds like he wants what you have, but don't want to work for it. He's not a responsible man or an adult.If you do take him back I suggest marriage counselling.
2006-11-17 07:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mother of 2 girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly don't love him anymore. Don't take him back. You should never use your kids has an excuse to stay together. When they get older they will resent you for putting them in this. You are your kids parents together or separate.And both still need to be in their life's. In the long run all they care is that their parents love them
2006-11-17 10:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him, don't take him back "for the kids sake"......kids thrive much better in a loving single parent household than in a two parent household where there is no love, or worse yet, bitter resentment. But before you make any final decisions, make sure of what you are feeling......it could be a lack of love for him, but it could also be disillusionment.
2006-11-17 07:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋