I known this girl 4 over 15 yrs & we were best friends 4 most of our lives.She met this guy *Brian* at a club, & talked off & off. Suddenly they got serious & after 2 months into their relationship they decided 2 get married, even if all of us her friends/family opposed. too quick 2jump into marriage. Plus I knew she felt lonely & wanted 2 get married & have kids, I guess she saw him as her only chance. Anyway to sum it up, one of my close friends *Jason* went out w/ her hubby *Brian* to a bar. Brian confessed 2 Jason thatHe only married 2 use her, 4 financial & other personal gains, not because he loved her. He told him that he’s soon going to divorce her. I feel horrible 4 my friend, cause I know they r always fighting & she always looks depressed. My friend Jason told me this under secrecy & I swore I wouldn’t say anything. I feel horrible seeing my friend being mistreated &mislead by this guy who never luv her. SHould i stay quiet, say something? she wants to get pregnantSoon!
2006-11-17 07:15:09 · 32 answers · asked by A_Latina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Here's the thing, I'm sure that she already knows. Women have strong intuition and I am sure she knows deep down inside, no matter how much denial she's in. She just rushed into it because she was desparate. If you tell her she will not leave him. She will need to find out the absolute truth on her own. She's in love and love is blind.
2006-11-17 07:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by Bee Biscuits 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What your friend *Jason* told you her husband *Brian* said is gossip. I'd stay away from it. It very likely will come back to bite you. Plus - you promised him that you would say nothing. Be a man of your word.
I know that you think you are doing the best thing - but you can't control what your female friend does. (It's glaringly true based on the fact that she got married despite what you thought of this guy). You don't need to tell her he is a jerk. She knows. Why do you think they are fighting all the time - and why do you think she is depressed? Because she KNOWS she married a jerk!
Be a good friend to her. SHOW her that life is not about hanging out with a creepy guy and making babies with him. You didn't say how old she is - but if you have known her for 15 years and you've been best friends for "most of your lives" - you both must be pretty young. So - there is no "biological clock" factor that she's up against.
If your female friend is always depressed and fighting with this person - does she think that having a baby will help? You might casaully point out some other failed marriages - where children were involved. It becomes a big mess and the kids pay the price. You might be one of those kids yourself - or maybe she is the product of a broken marriage. I'm sure you know SOMEBODY who has had a tough life because their parents didn't know what they were doing. Talk about how it has effected that person - and then ask if she's sure about what she's doing. A divorce now would be NOTHING compared to a few messed up kids with their single Mom in years to come.
Also - I think it's unlikely that this guy will impregnate her unless he's really stupid. If he's all about money - he's not going to want to pay child support - that's for sure.
Hope it all works out!
2006-11-17 07:34:10 · answer #2 · answered by liddabet 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to betray a confidence, yet also to stand by and not share something of this importance, while she is thinking about getting pregnant might be even a bigger betrayal of a long term friendship. If the guy really wanted to keep this a secret, then he shouldn't have told you. He is the one that let the secret out, not you. It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with you gf and tell her that you've got somethings to share that she needs to know. Then, if it comes out that you were the informant, at least you know you did what you felt was best for the right reasons. As a good rule, if someone tells you that they will share information, but it has to be kept a secret, then it is better just not to know. They should understand that what they tell you will go where it needs to go if there is a good reason, otherwise if it's just gossip, then you don't need to be involved with that either. Maybe your gf can get the marriage annulled?
2006-11-17 07:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay...I would hate to see this poor girl pregnant and having to deal with this on her own. I know you swore secrecy but she should know all this now before getting pregnant, your friend Jason should understand that you care about this girls life enough to risk'..."him getting upset at you", i know it is a tough call but seems to me there is something bigger here than your friend getting pxxxxx off at you... how about your girlfriend of 15 years and her life, her happiness. Also a marriage is not something to be taken lightly, you dont marry and get divorced after a month or 2 just because...come on...sounds to me like this guy Brian deserves a taste of his own medicine. If it were me...and she were a really close friend of mine (has to be very good best friend for me to get involved) i would tell her even if my other friend got upset.
2006-11-17 08:06:03 · answer #4 · answered by jayjay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are and stay only between two people who are together. Your friend is an adult person and everything is going on with her consent. If she chooses to be "blind" and not aware, then it's her problem. If you told her "the secret", you might lose both friends. You might lose Jason, for telling the secret in the first place and you might lose her, because it might be that she isn't willing to accept reality her own life. No matter how painful it might be for you, I think you should stay out of it. Forget about what Jason has told you, even if she breaks up with her husband..Don't get into a trap "if you had told me, I would have..".
2006-11-17 07:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Psychologist 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to get pregnant if her guy does not love her and is going to dump her. This is a difficult situation for you since what you have to go on is hearsay. Perhaps you should talk to Brian to "feel him out" and tactfully find out what is going on. Once you have the facts, then you can make a decision. If you tell her she will be upset and hurt and it may ruin your friendship but if this is true she will be hurt if she gets pregnant and he leaves her. How well does Jason know her? Is he willing to disclose this to her if it is indeed what is going on?
2006-11-17 07:29:47 · answer #6 · answered by sloop_sailor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A difficult situation indeed. I'd start by confronting the friend who made you swear this a secret. See if they will have a change of heart. It may take one person to convince her what you are saying is true. If they won't change their mind, there are ways of telling her without giving away the source. If you do tell her I wouldn't be surprised if she got mad at you for saying bad about her husband. For now try to convince her that now's not the time to be getting pregnant. If it's true, she will find out on her own eventually. In which case, if she finds out you knew and didn't tell her she may be more angry. Be careful putting your nose into someone else's life.
2006-11-17 07:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by jesims76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to Jason and explain to him that you really got to say something to your friend before she ends up getting pregnant from this guy. (Jason should really understand if he's a good enough of a guy he wouldn't want her stuck in a situation like that would he?) Then, please tell her. PLEASE tell her. As long as you know what Jason told you is TRUE and Brian really did say all of that and means it, she has a right to know. And hurry, before she ends up pregnant and even more depressed.
2006-11-17 07:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just got out of a relationship that lead me on for five years. Pregnant, but aborted three times. Hit and fought constantly!! It never stopped until I left for good. Now, one year later I still have feelings for that guy BUT I have more happiness being with friends and family again AND I have my self esteem and strength back which is more than feeling that "love" from someone. If you really care for her you need to rescue her before it's too late. Believe me!!
2006-11-17 07:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by Grasshopper 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's such a hard question to answer. If you treasure your friendship I wouldn't say anything, but on the other hand if you don't say anything and she finds out you knew this crap, it could ruin the friendship anyway. Maybe just suggest to her to be careful, that you are concerned about her relationship with her husband and you are there for her if she needs to talk to you. Sorry there's really no way to give you a good answer.
2006-11-17 07:31:38 · answer #10 · answered by kelsmo1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋