How would I go by starting a conversation and not say something stupid?

Question

I want to be open minded about things and I dont feel that I'm not people think that I'm mean beacuse I dont speak but I'm really just feeling them out and trying to see if they need to be my friend because friends in the past has hurt me.

Answer 1

You need to give away the same amount of info about yourself as they tell you about yourself, so you know each others interests, favorite things, friends, etc. The amount of time each of you spends talking should be nearer 50:50 than 90:10.

When you meet someone, say Hi, give them your name, and always tell them at least one thing about yourself. That one things sparks the conversation.

For example "Hi, I'm Jane from such-and-such a school". Not just "Hi" period, which stops the conversation dead. They might respond with "Oh, my sister went there and then go on to say lots of other stuff". This is like at a society party. When a hostess introduces two people, she'll always give there names and one or two things about them, to start the conversation flowing. Such as "Sue, this is John, the golf professional at the club I go to". "Sue's my physiotherapist". She then makes her excuses and leaves them to it.

Some people are afraid to reveal anything about themselves because they think people won't like them or they're not good enough. Don't be afraid. Open up. If people don't know the first thing about you, how can you chat and become friends?

Remember what people say about themselves for next time. Some people get wrapped up in their own worries and concerns. If you take a genuine interest in other people, it makes them feel better, takes the pressure of you and gets you out of yourself. If they were going to go anywhere or do anything, ask them how things went. Also, as well as swapping information on what you like and what your interests are, an important part of a good conversation is telling stories, such as what happened at a party. Ask people what happened when they did something and keep it going with 'Then what happened', etc.

Everything you say doesn't have to be important, just chat about inconsequential things, TV, fashion, gossip, etc. Try to open the conversation up, wider and wider into more subjects.

Compliment the person on something, if you like it.

Don't go on about things you don't like. Smile, and keep the mood happy and positive. That way, people will look forward to spending time with you.

Invite people to go places and do things together, such as swimming, or accept their invitations, don't just chat all the time.

You say that friends in the past have hurt you. Try to treat each person as they really are. Don't judge them badly just because things they say or do remind you of someone else. Assume they like you until you have lots of evidence that they don't. How good is your evidence? Even then, you can check your facts by asking 'Do you like me?' before giving up on them.

There are loads of situations where we mis-understand another person. If someone that you thought was a friend doesn't call you, you sometimes deduce wrongly that they don't like you and then get angry or sad. You're reacting to what you think is true instead of what is actually true (which you don't know yet). If you ask them what the real reason for not calling is, they may have a perfectly good explanation, such as they have to do some chores. Don't spend days imagining all sort of terrible things about them not liking you when a quick call could clear it up in a minute.

For any problem you have, loads of other people have been through it before you and lots of people have good advice on it. Just search the previous answers on here for advice, using sutiable keywords like 'conversation' or 'chatting' or 'how do I talk to boys' (see article below on this) or ask more questions. Don't spend time worrying about it.

Answer 2

I agree with the other posts about asking questions. Asking a good open-ended question and then following it up with other questions will get them talking. If your body language and supportive comments makes them comfortable that you are interested they may never stop :)

Most people seem to love to talk about themselves when they have a willing audience. If they ask you a question keep the answer short and follow it with another question back. Once you feel more comfortable you may ease into the conversation slowly and gain the confidence that they might just like you even if you do say something stupid (because eventually we all do, hey I might even be doing it now!).

By doing this you might get a rep for being a great listener instead of being perceived as stuck-up or aloof.

Answer 3

Ask people something about themselves. Get them talking. Then, see if they reciprocate, if they ask you questions. Is the conversation two sided? Do you listen all the time or do you get to talk? If all you do is listen, then the person you are talking to may be selfish.

Answer 4

Try to be sincerely interested in the other person. If you know about their hobbies, after school activities or pets ask about them. People love to talk about themselves. This leads to conversation.