i really need some parent help?

Question

i found a letter that my daugther wrote. It says she hates her life and she wishes she was dead, she says that i don't care about her. I only about her brothers. she says she misses her dad and she wants a boyfriend, she says she's the only one of all her friends that doesnt have one she's only 14 yrs old. today i'm going to pick her up from school and take her somewhere just me and her. but i dont know if this might help her. please give me more advice i need all i can get.

Answer 1

u should consult some counseller

Answer 2

Whatever you do please don't put her on medication. To me medication is just a scapegoat. Your not fixing the problem your just suppressing it.
I have a question for you. Have you talked to her? Meaning, about your situation? I don't know what you guys have been through and what problems you have had, but asking her how she feels is what might release some stress. Don' t be her friend, she has too many already. But be a Mother that cares. If you develop a friendship with her she will walk all over you, (believe me I did that exact same thing) But don't be one of those moms that she can't go to when she feels bad or needs to talk, cause she will drift more away.
The real only thing I say you should do is PRAY. God knows our troubles and He just wants us to ask for help. Seek God, ask God and you will find your solution to your problem. Jeremiah 29:11

Answer 3

She is 14. Most teenagers go through periods like this. You need to be her friend as well as her mother. Talk to her as an equal. Make sure that you let her know how special she is to you. And that you love all your children equally. Try taking some time for just her and you to be together. I try to spend some one on one time with each of my 3 kids. You don't have to do any thing really special. My oldest daughter likes when we go to the mall and window shop, we usually by a couple of cokes and browse the stores. The most important part is to let her know you love her, and that you are there for her.
Good Luck

Answer 4

First consider any actions on your part that would lead her to think you don't care about her. Sometimes we do or say things that seem harmless to us but we don't understand the impact it has on our kids. I think taking her to a place where you two can talk is a good idea. You have to let her know that you love her and that you're there for her. Ask her to give you some examples of what you may have said or done to make her think that way. Don't push her, just let her know that she has your attention and that you want to be a bigger part of her life. My mom worked a lot and because I always got good grades she always thought I was fine and paid more attention to my younger sister who was a bit of a problem child. Maybe your daughter is experiencing something like this. Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow, I do not envy the position you are in. You need to talk to her to find out what is making her feel this way. I look back at that age...yuk, I would never want to go back. Just let her know how special she is to you, its hard because she may flip for you invading her privacy? I would definitely take her to the dr. also, I am a 35 year old mother of 2 and sometimes have thoughts like her. I went to the dr. and got medication, and it is really helping me. Its so hard to be young these days...I wish the both of you the best of luck resolving these issues. Family counseling could also help, so that the 2 of you could sit down together and find out whats really going on.

Answer 6

Hey ma'am. Im 14 years old and last year I felt exactly like your daughter feels. Exactly! I said and felt the same things. I also want a boyfriend, but my mom says Im too young. I think you should show as much love to all your kids just make sure you pay attention to her too because in our minds when you start paying attention we start thinking "she reall does love me". I just believe you should spend a little more time with her and pay more attention to her and maybe she'll come around because I did. Also try to keep her mind off of death, because when I went to church I learned that death is not going to solve anything. Maybe you should tell her that. But dont tell her that you found the letter because that will most likely make her even madder. But I think she just wants a little more attention that's all. I hope that Im of some help.

Answer 7

Hmmmm.....A quote from none other than Bart (don't have a cow man!) Simpson comes to mind. "Finding a depressed teenager is like shooting fish in a barrell."
Teenagers are at a point in their lives when they're trying to find a place in the world for them. Teen agers aren't stupid. They know that adulthood is only a blink away, and all the responsibilities that go with it.
What happened to Dad? Is he out of the picture completely? If not why can't your daughter interact with him?
Another place where teenagers aren't stupid is that they're acutely aware who gets noticed the most, but they are immature enough still that they might attempt to fix this situation by acting out inappropriately. If she thinks her brothers get more attention than her, right or wrong, she's asking for some attention. Your idea of having a one on one afternoon is a good start, but she really needs ongoing attention moreso than she thinks she's getting. I know asking teenagers to drag along a sibling is like asking them to pull their own teeth, but maybe her brothers can find a way to include her once in a while in their activities too. A single parent family has got to be more than mom on top handing out orders. Everyone involved has got to come together for everyones good.
As far as a boyfriend goes, If she thinks she needs one, she'll probably find one. And if you say absolutely no, she might try to go behind your back.. If you haven't had "that" talk with her yet, you need to do it right now. Any time a teenager says "everyone's doing it", or "everyone else has one" referring to boyfriends, or cars, or whatever you neet to point out to your daughter that she's not everyone else! She's not some sheep in a heard. She's an individual who is special, and therefore needs to think for herself, and find the right things for herself only, not just because everyone else has one. Go have your afternoon together. Hash it all out. Yell if you have to, and let her do the same. Just don't let her think you've stopped loving her. Reinforce to her how special she is to you, and continue doing it from now on.
Good luck!

Answer 8

I wouldn't let your daughter know you read what she wrote. Then she will be less likely to write how she feels next time. From life experience on myself, she is probably depressed over a boy at school, maybe she doesn't think of herself as pretty like her other friends have guys but for some reason no guy is asking her out. Ofter when we get down about one thing, we get down about everything and everything in life is shone in a negative light. I would take your daughter out shopping or get your hair and nails done, things to make her feel pretty and special and pampered, all women need it and it makes us feel good. Tell your daughter about how you felt as a teenager, perhaps there is a story you could tell her about that hot guy in school who wouldn't talk to you, or some embarassing things that happend to you at school. Point is, let her know you lived as a teen once and went through crap, this will give her an opeining to talk to you about what is going on in her life. Which is what you always want to know. Just be real with her about your life and hopefully she will be real with you about hers. Tell her what you used to worry about as a kid. Maybe how your parents made you feel when you couldn't do something. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

i wish you the best of luck! try a girls night or day. go get your hair done together rent a movie do something she likes. i had a hard time when my parents split. My mom never bothered with me cause I lived with my Dad ( 10 min. away). i became very depressed..but my Dad would try to do girly thing with me and spend extra time with just me and him. There are many things you can do with her that are inexpensive... put on her music when your cooking and dance around like a goofball with her. She appreciate that you are trying. Don't let her know you were snooping that will make her feel untrusted to have her own thoughts. If she opens up to you let her know her feelings are valid but are very untrue and explain why.

Answer 10

What I think you should do is take her somewhere,nice a quite,with no distractions and talk to her first here her out,let her realease all her anger and tension out,allow her to tell you what she doesn't like about you or things you do without jumping down her throat for judgeing you.Let her have her say.Then tell her what is worring you and what you want to do to help,dont ask her just tell her. Then make time for you and her,at least once a week to just talk or hang out.Plus a little help from a psycologist could help you too,but first you approach her,then she'll know that it's you who has come to a realization that your relationship needs mending,and get her to slowly but surely trust you.

Answer 11

This is a very delicate situation. I have 2 kids too and my oldest has said things that scared me too. I think that she really needs to talk to someone (a professional) especially if it is difficult for her to open up to you. There is alot of emotions going on inside of her and it sounds like she might be missing her dad...which in turn is making her miss that 'male figure ' in her life and now she is anxious to have a bf. It might also be an esteem issue, if she is comparing herself to her friends. She is growing up mom, please talk to her about bf's, she is going to have them anyway....with or without your approval, she will find a way to see a boy in school...so it would be so much better if you know about it and you are aware of who he is and he comes around your house. It is definitely going to take more work than a walk in the park...but this is a first step...communicate...communicate....communicate...can't stress it enough. I think that you might need to seek a Psychologist for her just to be on the safe side. Good luck, from another mom. :)