....relationship isnt working.The son starts crying when the father tries to sit down with him and tells him the marriage(relationship) isnt working out.The son is used to it being him,dad and mom all the time. But it's time the kid understands that his dad isnt happy.The dad is willing to stay in the marriage for the sake of his kid so his kid wont get hurt but honestly, the kid is only 12, he will get over it and realize in the long run why his dad had to do itOf course the father will still see his son often.And it doesnt help that the mother isnt wanting a divorce for fear she cant make it own her own cause she doesnt have a job.She has two other kids that he has supported but isnt his cause the real fathers were sorry.So what is a man 2 do if the mother keeps telling the kid that his father doesnt love him anymore cause he's leaving when in fact he just doesnt love her anymore? I NEED ADVICE!!PLEASE HELP!!The mother wound up pregnant by another man 8 mths ago is why all this is
2006-11-17 06:52:26 · 15 answers · asked by Peaches 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it's a problem of you leaving him behind then take him with you, and let her have visitations.
If she has become pregnant by another man, and you know this for a fact, then by all means leave the relationship. No one should have to live with someone they don't love.
I wouldn't recommend anyone staying in an unhappy relationship. Not for the kids especially, because they just wind up screwed up from growing up in a house without love between the parents. To stay is a mistake if you are truly not happy with her anymore. I would suggest you be honest with him and tell him that you can't stay with her and why. Not in a mean or nasty way, but explain to him that you are not happy with her anymore and that you still love him and would like him to live with you. She has her hands full with the other children and her new child and the man that got her pregnant. If she needs a job then she better find one. You'll have your child with you, and she can support all the others by other men. I would also suggest that in the future your more careful about whom you lay down with and whom you make promises to.
Best of luck,
J
2006-11-17 07:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by frankly2u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The poor kid is going to need lots of counseling. The mother is blaming the dad for something she did? I would recommend the dad get the son into some counseling now before filing for divorce or moving out. Maybe a good counselor could make the child understand what's going on and help with the transition. The boy is old enough that he could stay with the dad if they wanted it that way. Whatever happens, it all needs to be done with the child's interest in mind.
2016-05-21 23:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that marriage and divorce impact the children worse than the parents. I have been there and it is not a pretty picture, especially for the child.
First the childs father needs to continue telling him that he does in deed love him (his child), that his mother is confused and what she told him (that the childs father dont love him), is not true.
The dad should not stay in the marriage since the childs mother is allready pregnant by another man. By staying in the marriage will only continue to cause problems between those two and the child will suffer.
What I suggest is since the child is only 12 years old, that the father continue to talk with his son in reference to the marriage ending. He should tell his son he will come and visit often, take him out for ice cream or a sports event, camping, spending the night or weekend at the fathers new home, things that only a father and son would do together. In time his son will become used to this situation and be looking forward to his dad coming to pick him up and spend some fun time together. If the child remains with the mother after the divorce, plann it to when the childs school is out for the summer vacation, that the child can stay with his father during the summer vacation. He should be encouraged to continue doing well in school, and when vacation time comes, he will not have to go to summer school and miss visiting his father if his grades are down. What will also help is that the father and or son should be able to call eachother every evening to be able to keep in contact with eachother.
I would also suggest that both the father and mother take their son and participate in professional councelling. It is there that that both the parents and counceller can help the child adjust to the situation at hand and what will happen in the future.
I hope this helps.
Good Luck. :-)
2006-11-17 07:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the "man" is determined he's leaving......tell the biy the truth. HE is 12 and understands more thatn he's being given credit for. The man should not "down" the mother to the son...but just tell him they are not going to be married any more andd that has nothing do do with him, no matter what everyone tells him. HE must be sure to continue to see the child as often as possible and reaffirm that he will continue to be there for the boy....he'll only be a phone call away if he's not right there in person.
Divorce happens every day unfortunately. Sometimes kids can deal with it better than the adults!If the man proves his love to him by seeing him as often as possible, calling him on days he is not with him, and when they are together telling him how much he loves him....he will be fine. The man should urge him to talk to him about bad things he might hear about him when he's not around to defend hiself (it will happen)...that way the man has a cghance to rebutt.
I'll be tough but it is much better than living in an unhappy marraige trying to convince themselves and a 12 year old that all is fine.
2006-11-17 07:07:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first have to ask what your relationship is to these people.
Divorce is hard on children, there is no easy way to break it to them or get them through it.
From what you describe, I would be more worried about what is going to happen to the boy if the father leaves - not how to tell him he's leaving. The boy may be afraid of being left behind in a household run by this mother. She cant' support the family? She is sleeping with another man? She is telling her son that his father doesn't love him anymore? What kind of life would this boy have in his mother's house? The father should seek out family counseling with the son and mother before he leaves. If that doesn't work, he should think about the boy living with him. He damn sure need to make sure he stays connected on a daily basis.
2006-11-17 07:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prayers go out to you.
It will take counseling. The mother is being manipulative with the child. Be sure to document this so when you go to court, if need be you can get custody of your son. A mother who would tell her child that his dad doesn't love him is an unfit mother, especially if its not true.
I know deadbeat dads that don't get talked bad about.
Do your best to explain to your son with out going into great detail what has happened. Kids are smarter than you think. Don't paint a bad picture of mom but be honest. She had relations outside of your marriage and his new brother is not from his dad. The truth he will find out anyway, but maybe your explaining it will give him a better picture of what is going on.
If you have not considered it, do your best to get custody of your son. It sounds as if he doesn't want you to leave because he doesn't want to be there alone.
2006-11-17 07:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I come from a divorced family and I can tell you there is really nothing you can say to make him feel better.. and I am also a mother of a 12 yr old so I can tell you that I know it is a hard age.. you just have to be honest with him, even though it is going to hurt him, and just mom and dad always be there for him and maybe get some counseling for him. let him know that no matter what that they will always love him. Good luck I know it is hard!
2006-11-17 07:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by michelle b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you are going to be able to tell him that will help him understand. He knows certain things in his life, his mom is his mom and he loves her and that will never change. His dad is his dad and he loves him and he has always been able to fix everything, why can't you fix this dad? You have a very hard choice to make, you can either shatter your sons world and it seems very apparent that the mom is going to make you out to be the bad guy in this. Or you can stay, spend all your energies and efforts on the children, but you live with a woman that you do not want to be around. That's a tough one...
2006-11-17 07:01:22 · answer #8 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should take the son and go. How could a mother say such things to her son? It shows how little character she has. I honestly don't have any good advice because I have never been there nor know of anyone who has been there, but you are right in the fact that something has to be done. It is going to hurt the son worse in the long run to watch his father live in misery.
What a sad situation.
2006-11-17 06:58:56 · answer #9 · answered by heather d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok Dad, enough is enough! You sit that boy down and explain to him how much you love him. (mom needs to grow up, she shouldn't be telling the kid u don't love him anymore!)Explain to your son how your relationship with mom is not working anymore, let the boy cry, it is part of growing up he will get over it. I would even explain to him that his mom must have issues with this relationship because you are not the father of the newest baby! If he is 12 years old he is old enough to understand
2006-11-17 07:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by Reasy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋