If I were you in your shoes, I would thank him for the blessing of another child, and then thank him right out my door!!! You are the one pregnant and taking care of your two children, kick him out of the house and proceed with a divorce and let him pay for the two children he has fathered. What it is, is that after his daughter past away, he went looking for comfort elsewhere. You and him were working on a reconciliation but he was not confident in his relationship with you to be comforted by you, so he went and found it else where. NO this is not fair and he is wrong for doing all of this. Now you need to straighten it out for him. Take a stand using your 'survival insticts' and kick him out of the house, change the locks, and take him to court. Show him that you don't need someone that can't be loyal and honest and that can possibly bring diseases into your bed to you, what you need is a real man that will father his children and love YOU the way you deserve to be loved and treated. I hope you do this, and shake him up a little, let him know your serious and he is UNWELCOMED in your home that was once yours together. He will start singing a different tune, but please, don't give in so quickly.......... other wise, he will just keep doing to you what he already has........ congrats on your blessed gift of a new baby. He or she is going to bless your life in a wonderful way. Blessed be and good luck :)
2006-11-17 06:55:01
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answer #1
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answered by shy&gental 4
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The tragic fact is that few marriages survive the death of a child. For a great many reasons, the grief and the confusion tears couples apart. It's particularly unfortunate that he talked you into having another child now, while he was actively having an affair. But you're saying he was having problems with emotional fidelity even before his daughter passed, so this man has other issues. I don't know if you can really effectively, permanently reconcile with him, since it sounds like he checked out emotionally a while ago, and your new pregnancy was not so much out of love for you and your relationship as replacing the daughter he lost in some odd way. I think perhaps it's time to draw a close to your marriage and see about getting on with your life. Get a good lawyer (tell the lawyer you want your husband to pay your legal bills) and find out what you need to do to get interim child support started immediately and ask your husband to find someplace else to live. No child should be brought into this situation. Perhaps he can be a good dad to the child and you can have joint custody, but he's not being a good husband to you, and you need to know that the children will see that and that is not the role model you want them to have.
God bless you.
2006-11-17 06:52:27
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answer #2
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answered by wynterwood 3
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i'm so sorry this is a whole lot to deal with. As i don't know either of you it's impossible to give good advice on what would be best. This depends a lot on how you still feel. When my ex cheated i knew in my heart i'ld never forgive or trust him again. We had a young baby at the time she was not even walking we had a 2 year old. I tried for a few more years to get over it never could. We divorced after nearly 8 years together. This is not the 1st time your man has done this i personally would not be able to try to fix it. Some people can more past cheating. You have to do what you think is best. Either way it will be long and painful.
2006-11-17 06:50:23
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answer #3
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answered by ally'smom 5
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I would talk to him and ask him why if he was having an affair he would want to have another child with you? is it a way to replace his daughter that passed? Using his deceased daughter as an excuse to be out having an affair is a poor excuse for a man. He is selfish! I think that you guys need to try a marriage counselor and get to the bottom of why he feels the need to get emotionally involved with other women when he has you right there beside him. It's not fair to you or your children. Let him know that if he doesn't want to go to counseling that you will get a lawyer and leave for good, no turning back. Maybe that will scare him into acting right and actually realize what he has.
So sorry for all of this happening to you while you are pregnant. That's not the easiest thing for a pregnant woman to deal with.
I wish you the best of luck!
2006-11-17 06:49:55
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answer #4
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answered by Lori J 2
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This is hard first of all you must tell him you know what he is doing behind your back. The status of you being pregnant is to bad with finding this out I would say since he is the father of this unborn baby that it may be time to leave permenently this behavior is only going to continue he has been treating you bably for a number of months and doesn't even feel remorse for it since he is using his dead child as an excuse. This man is sick and needs some counselling cheating is an solid reason for divorce if this is what you have been thinking take him to the cleaners I'm sorry but no women or man for the matter should have to put up with this crap. God Bless and Good luck for whatever you decide.
2006-11-17 06:49:47
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answer #5
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answered by Livinrawguy 7
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When I first started reading your question I thought his affair may be an side effect of his grief and would have suggested that he, if not both of you get some counseling. However the fact that he has done it before changes things. Accept the fact that this is something he is going to do and deal with it or leave him. I would encourage the later.
2006-11-17 06:49:34
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answer #6
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answered by jazzman6812 3
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Been there, and I stayed for 4 more years. Wish I had gone with my gut instinct and moved on with my life sooner. The final straw was when the girlfriend turned out to be my "best" friend. My advice? Get out now, don't stay "for the kids", get yourself into counseling when you can and accept no guilt trips or excuses for his actions. Remember what he's done is no reflection on whether you are a good woman, mother etc. It's his choice and does not define you as a person. Good luck to you!
2006-11-17 06:50:11
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answer #7
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answered by Tweet 5
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I think it's time for you to decide what's best for YOU and your unborn child. This guy sounds like a serial cheater...and that's no good. You broke it off before, it's just unfortunate that the death of his child occurred, bringing you together...
But what is really disturbing and selfish, is the fact that he's using the death of his little girl as an excuse to see another woman. I think this makes it clear what kind of man/father he is, and I hope you can see the poor decisions he's making.
Take your time making a decision for YOUR future, and good luck.
2006-11-17 07:17:09
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answer #8
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answered by shortbus 2
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Unfortunately leaving him now that you are 6 months pregnant will be very tough. If you can at least stick it out until the baby is born then try to move on.
I myself am 8 months pregnant and separated, and I know how hard it is dealing with that.
2006-11-17 19:18:32
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answer #9
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answered by DownAndOut 4
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If you really do love him try marriage counseling and see if that would help. I'm married to and I'm 7 about to eight months pregnant. You have sit and think what would your life be with out him? and ask him why would he let someone come in-between the love that you and him share. Finally ask do he really want to be with you and is he leading you on for the new baby's sake?
2006-11-17 06:54:45
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answer #10
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answered by missy87 1
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