My husband and I have beeen married for a year now, we just celebrated our one year anniversary on the 15th, but I can't get him to have sex with me or to do other sexual acts with me. I am 19 years old, I take care of my body and am in fairly good shape and my husband is 33. When we were dating we used to have sex everyday, if not multiple times a day. And for the first few months we were married we had sex all the time. Now, I am lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do have sex, my husband refuses to look at me. He only wants to do it when it is doggie-style or when he is laying down behind me. The only sexual thing we do on a regular basis is me performing oral sex on him. And when I am doing that he always has his eyes closed, but when we were dating he loved to watch me do it to him. Don't get me wrong - I love to do that to my husband, but sometimes it would be nice to get that in return, but that has not happened since January 2006. Why is he like this now?
2006-11-17 05:47:54 · 31 answers · asked by Krisie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are all sorts of reasons that his sexual energy may be low.
For instance is he getting really stressed at work? Are you guys fighting a lot?
Is he depressed does he have anything going on in his life that could be draining his sexual energy? Depression by the way does that quite easily.
It could also be that he is cheating, however I think this possibility is pretty low on the list. The reason i say that is that I think that it is a little early on in your relationship for him to have gotten bored.
However, i don't know how long you dated prior to getting married, but I think the key to unraveling your problem is to talk to your husband about your problem. I say your problem because it is your collective problem as a couple.
Ask him what is going on, don't just assume he is cheating, and don't accuse him of anything without proof. Marriage is hard, but worth it I think if you are willing to put in the effort.
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about what is going on. Good luck.
2006-11-17 06:01:37 · answer #1 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question isn't "why is he like this now", it's why the hell aren't you in counseling?
Marrying a 33-year old man? Why? Was he previously married?
You are asking a question, but there are many more that you
need to answer. If you're 19 years old & have been married
for almost a year, I presume that you were having a relationship
before you were 18 years of age and he was over thirty.
Why?
I'm concerned for you.
2006-11-17 14:04:50 · answer #2 · answered by deserthotlady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a sweet girl; so, I'll answer as truthfully as I can, and that will only be my best guess. No one but your husband knows why. It could be several things; some unpleasant, some totally unrelated to you. My advice is, stop agonizing over it. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel. If you can't talk to him, write it in a letter. Do it in a way that he doesn't feel threatened or criticized. Just share with him how you feel and make sure that he knows you want to be intimate with him and not "shut out". If he doesn't respond...man, that's a toughie! But one thing is for sure...what happens outside the bedroom impacts what goes on inside the bedroom.
2006-11-17 13:55:26 · answer #3 · answered by geehaw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to worry you by saying he's cheating because that may not even be the case. What I suspect is that he has an addiction to porn. I went through this with my X husband. He wasn't physically cheating with another woman but he addicted to porn. Unfortunately, what used to excite you and get you off doesn't work as well so you have to look at more and more and more. Eventually, what used to work becomes almost boring. That could be what's happening here.
I would suggest talking with him. Don't attack him or talk down to him but try and get to the root of the problem. If it's porn, he may want to seek counseling.
2006-11-17 13:57:15 · answer #4 · answered by C J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought a 33 year old is still young enough to enjoy?All I can say is you have a mouth, use it---to tell the dumb a** that it's your turn---YOU not just him.Sounds like you spoiled him with what you like to do.I always made sure that the saying "ladies first" applies in every aspect of my life...Did you take him away from someone?Well there's a old song that comes to mind, that might fit in here....The Thrill Is Gone....Some men want what they can't have, when they get it they don't want it anymore.
2006-11-17 14:36:32 · answer #5 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to find out where all that vigor went and why all the sudden he will not look you in the eyes. Normally when a person starts closing their eyes, when they normally had them open in the past, it is because they are visualizing someone else. I do not like to raise the alarm too quickly, but you may want to find out where he is going for lunch, after work or when he goes out, you might find your answer.
2006-11-17 14:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you should worried about your hubby having had strayed to another gal in other words he is cheating and when you guys do have sex he feels guilty and can't look you in the face period. Another thing ask him why I know you spent time on the question but really ask him?
2006-11-17 19:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, this sounds weird! I take it, "asking him" is not working. I don't know what to suggest, I have never encountered anything like this. Perhaps if it continues in the same vein, you could think about involving a third party (a doctor or a counselor/therapist).
2006-11-17 13:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him! Something is going on with him. It may be depression it could be erectile disfunction or he could be cheating but you deserve to know. You need to sit him down and say" We have a problem!" he needs to know how you feel and why AND he needs to give you a plausable answer and agree to work on fixxing things. I went through the same thing and it hurts like hell. Life is too short to be hurting and you need and deserve to have this resolved. Good Luck.
2006-11-17 13:54:59 · answer #9 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he could be cheating or he could just be like other men I know of --- once they have whatever it is they wanted they no longer desire it. You were wanted and desired until you married him. I would guess he still loves you but now he is comfortable with knowing you are there and has no need to rush in to please you as before. You already married him and he knows that. Hope that helps.
2006-11-17 14:06:32 · answer #10 · answered by cinnagirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋