My parents have been married for 19 years this September. My mother is a perfectionist and nothing is ever good enough for her. I'm 16 and I'm the most responsible of all of my friends but she never sees any good in anything.... everything is always wrong. My dad is more passive and just takes the yelling along with everything. They are complete opposites and I'm not sure why they got married in the first place. My mother has decided she's moving out soon as a trial seperation. Is it wrong for me to want them to get a divorce? This whole mess is affecting my younger siblings lives more than mine because I grew up with it. Any advice?
2006-11-17 05:41:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Remember that it is the adults problem, not yours. There is nothing you can say or do to fix it.
Since you are older, try to help your younger siblings by listening to them, assure them that it is NOT their fault, very important.
2006-11-17 05:46:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The saying goes: you cannot pick your parents. You need to support their decisions. But, you should not feel bad for saying they are better off divorcing, seeing as you have been around it all your life. I would suggest going to family counseling, so you kids can deal with it. You sound very mature, and want the best for your family. They got married, because at one point, they got along great. Not to hurt you in any way, but after a couple has kids, they sometimes put being a parent first and the relationship second.It is not your fault though. It happens in almost every relationship. Either they will take some time apart to clear their head, or get a divorce. You cannot control this, but don't feel bad for what their decision is. Best of luck! :)
2006-11-17 06:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is personal experience
When I was 12 I had enough of my parents abusive fighting that when I was with my grandparents I told them that if they did not divorce I would live with my grandmother. They divorced.
I don't belive it's wrong to want it. But you need to look beyond the divorce. Who will you live with or will a court decide. How will you feel about remarriges and will you assume the role of Mother to your younger sibilings.
It is good that you are thinking maturley about this. But the best advice I can give you is to speak to your school counsler. Then speak to a regular counsler. If I could do it all over again that is one thing I would have done. It would have saved me from alot of emotional problems that had to be fixed by counsling later in life.
I applaud your effort in seaking help. This also effects your life which most people don't belive and you don't always have to be strong. Your still young and need adult guidance.
2006-11-17 05:53:11 · answer #3 · answered by Brat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation when I was just starting high school. It's not wrong to want them to get a divorce, when my parents finally finalized theirs, things got a lot better. Now that I'm older and married myself, I'm kind of glad I got to see first hand what not to do, I still make mistakes though. Like they all said before me, it's not your fault and there really is nothing you can do to fix it and make sure your younger siblings know this too. Also, don't get in the middle. If your parents try to drag you into the middle of their problem, REFUSE. I got drug into the middle and it took me 4 and a half years and moving away to finally get out.
2006-11-17 05:54:39 · answer #4 · answered by leif_66_13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family Therapy is good. They might be able to get to the root of what is really going on. Suggest that to your parents. Keep an eye on your other siblings, be there for them. A trial separation can be good. Divorce isn't always the answer.
2006-11-17 05:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by kelsmo1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your parents. That sucks! I think maybe if they are arguing all the time maybe they need this break. Sometimes people separate and it is during that time where they can actually work things out. Sometimes marriages are just not meant to last. It is not easy on the family, but it may be what is best. Maybe encourage both of them to get some counseling. You can voice your opinion it is your family too. Good luck sweetie and if this is so heavy on your heart maybe talk to a school counselor to help you through it.
2006-11-17 05:46:20 · answer #6 · answered by Glee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! You aren't wrong for your feelings. I used to feel the same way about my parents. They fought all the time, and when they weren't fighting they just didn't speak! I hated it!!
If your parents can get divorced and be happy, than they should do that. Staying together is obviously making everyone miserable. They are probably sticking it out for your younger siblings. Maybe all of you should get together and talk to them. Let them know that you hate hearing them fight, and you would rather they get divorced. Maybe that is the wake up call they need!!
2006-11-17 05:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not wrong for you to feel that way. Your parents have probably tried to work things out in the hopes to make it work for you kids... Sometimes people lose sight of themselves in the process, and everyone ends up unhappy, including the kids. I'm sorry that you feel this way. Your siblings will be fine and they will adjust to their new lifestyle rather quickly, especially with you being around. I hope they still do what's best for you and that you get to be happy really soon.
My advice is to accept that your parents are human just like the rest of us and we all make mistakes. Be there to give them a hug when they need it, and let them work it out of their own. Provide support for your siblings, but remember that they are not your sole responsibility. Take care of yourself and enjoy your childhood.
Good luck.
2006-11-17 05:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by Lola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not wrong at all, it's better for you and your siblings to see two happy separated parent than two miserables ones when they're together ya know? as long as they are civil about the separation and share equal custody and whatnot, things should go smoother, with any divorce though there is bound to be complications, but anyways to answer your question, no it's not wrong of you at all...don't feel bad
2006-11-17 05:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by Kollege Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you shouldnt get involved , but take care of your younger siblings in trying to make them feel safe. Im sure your dad (being the passive one) will come to explain to them the rest. But your mom has issues ! BIG time.
2006-11-17 05:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by lopez76g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Surely its NOT right for you to want their separation. Look in case of separation, family system as a whole will suffer a lot. Now you realize that your mom is very much curious about your friends. In your point of view, she may be wrong, but as a mother point of view she is probably she is right. Its her duty to take care of you. You being a immature teen cant understand the implications in her monitoring activity. This only can be understood by a mom of a teen age girl.
2006-11-17 05:50:31 · answer #11 · answered by MY Regards to All 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋