Been out of love with my wife for almost a year , how do you know when to call it quits ?

Question

Married 6 years , have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. Was in a long distance relationship ONLY with my spouse before we got married. I am on parental leave from work until January. Feels like I am a housecleaner , errand boy , babysitter , cook , cleaner , slave etc... but not a husband. I resent her very much and I am tired of living this way... She denies there's any problem and scoots around my idea of marriage counciling. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Answer 1

Looks like your trying to do what you can to make it work. A relationship cannot work if only one person is trying. Why don't you address her with your issues. Tell her how you feel and what you want. All the things that you put into the relationship your not getting out. Communication is really the best thing you can do at this point. Understand where you both are coming from. You have to stand your ground. If she still does not understand your concerns and thoughts let her know, it's either marriage counciling (or working things out on your own), or your gone.

Well, I know leaving is very hard. Just try to make it work. If you love her and your kids, then staying with nothing changing can still be very heartbreaking. Even if your at the bad end of this situation maybe take her to dinner for just the two of you and talk to her about it. If you push it in her face with frustration she will push back with an "well I don't care" attitude.

Answer 2

First off, if you feel like the marraige isnt going anywhere and you are to the point where you resent her, it is definitely time to call it quits. Before you do so, make sure its for the right reasons.

Im not trying to be a smarta$$ here in any way, but if the reason is because you feel like you are " a housecleaner , errand boy , babysitter , cook , cleaner , slave etc... but not a husband" ... as you have mentioned, think about the postion of the female. Alot of the time we have to do all of these things. Take care of kids, cook, EVERYTHING!

Has your wife done those things in the past, or are you just doing them now because she just recently had the baby? In any case, I do wish you the best of luck. Just make sure you are calling it quits for the right reasons!

Answer 3

Don't let her "scoot" around any problems you voice to her. That's just plain rude of her. If you are feeling that there are problems, she at least has to acknowledge them. Sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. If it takes drastic measures, you could even tell her "counciling or divorce." That should wake her up a little. A marriage is hard work, but there was a reason you married her in the first place. The love may be gone, but it sounds like you're more sick of the way you both are living your lives right now. You may very well still love her, but you need to make some changes in order for you to really feel that love again. I hope you can work things out, but sometimes a relationship is just too far gone to be worked out. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I have a nine month old and stay at home to take care of everything. When my husband comes home he doesn't clean, cook, or even take care of the baby without me plopping her on his lap. On top of all that we're moving in a week, and I am doing ALL the packing, change of address etc... I can totally relate. You feel like she doesn't apprecite the work you do. Like taking care of children and a home is easy (just because your home all day)
How often do you get out of the house to relax? On one of her days off make plans to go out for 4 hours or more. In the morning so that your wife can see just how hard it really is. If she expects dinner when she comes home from work, you should expect it when you get back.
Perhaps when she steps into your shoes for a day she will feel more compassion. There have been times where I have considered leaving my husband for the same reason. And thats why children are always the "make it or break it" for most relationships.
Once you're okay with your 6 month old in daycare, try getting a job. Evevn part time, just to get out of the house. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I have a couple of comments to make to this. What you're experiencing is called fatherhood. You ARE a house cleaner, errand boy, babysitter, cook cleaner, etc. Your wife needs help and can't do it on her own. It sounds to me like you didn't fully understand what getting married and starting a family was really all about. I have 4 children and you're right, you DO feel like this a lot. And sometimes, you DO resent your spouse because we almost start keeping tabs on who does what and how often. In addition, sometimes we might resent our spouse because they focus so much of their attention on the children rather than you. Try to look past that and help her with what she' focusing on. In doing so, you'll switch your focus to working with each other to achieve a common goal.

Being married isn't a competition or about being "fair". It's about mutual respect for one another and having the same common goals.

What was it that drew you and your wife together? Why did you fall in love? What are some of the things that you used to love and adore about her? Chances are, some of these changed when kids came in to the picture, it's called life and it happens.

Instead of focusing on you falling out of love with you wife and when is it acceptable to leave her, try refocusing on why you got married in the first place. Falling in love is easy, staying in love takes work.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

You should tell her now. Don't wait until you have moved and she has no one to talk too. If she is near her family, this might help her to get through this. My husband out of the blue asked for a divorce like three days before my mother passed away and our relationship has not been the same since, plus we moved 1,000 miles away from where we lived for 20 years. Now I am the one that had wished I had took him up on his offer. So don't wait until she is at her most vulnerable.

Answer 7

Thats exactly how alot of housewives feel. You can ask her to help you with the house work the kids etc. Its not like this has to only be your job. Either that ask her to look out for a job while your at home doing all the stuff. Another option is you can both work at the same time now and hire a nanny to watch and look after your house ..suggest these to her and see how she responds. Explain to her that you are burning out and you need her help as a parent and communicate to her how you feel inside of your lost feelings of love for her... Sounds like she is willing to go to any councilling if she mentions it at all. Talk to her calmly and patiently.

Answer 8

Seek out therapy for yourself. Hopefully, by doing this you will be able to work through some of your resentment and other negative feelings. I think when you are feeling better you will be more equip to work on your relationship with your wife. Also, if she sees that you are seeking help and getting better she may be more inclined to join you and get help too. If you are feeling better and doing better and she is not changing then… you’ll have to make that tough decision of whether or not to stay in the marriage. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

You have a two year old and a 6 month old - you ARE a housecleaner, errand boy, baby sitter, cook, etc... It's called having kids.
I think you need to start looking at you and your wife as a team and stop being selfish.

Answer 10

You should go to councilling without her let someone else know the story first, they might call her but if she does not go you can then take the next step by presenting her with the divorce paper she might then wake up. Really sorry to hear your story and do hope everything works out for the best.