if you are separated from your spouse for more than a year is it all right to start another relationship.?

Question

I haven't been in the same room much less same bedroom with my husband for a year now. I'm trying to save money for a divorce, but it may take another 4-5 months before I get the money. I just want to know if it's wrong to start a relationship with someone else?

my husband and i have been trying to get things right for 17 years now. we had a child first, only married him two years ago. Our son is 12, can't stand his dad. My husband is an alcoholic, emotionally abusive and doesn't help support us now. He doesn't have a job and is not currently looking for one. I can't afford the divorce because I'm the sole supporter of our son.

we haven't lived together at any time during the last year.

not currently seeing anyone, just thinking about it. So, there's no danger in getting "Caught"

Answer 1

If you want the divorce to go smoothly, I suggest you don't see anyone until your divorce is final. Or don't let him know, that you are.

Answer 2

Getting into another relationship at this point is fine. Of course you must let the new person know you are seeking divorce but not there yet.

I did the same thing. The ex and I have been separated for more than a year and I recently started again (he's been living with his gf all along). As long as the situation is made clear from the outset in the new relationship it shouldn't cause any problems.

A year is enough time to heal.

Good luck and I hope your new relationship is a happy one.

Answer 3

I have several good friends who went through this sort of thing. For financial reasons--the ex wouldn't agree to a settlement--they were legally separated for many years before the actual divorce. It would have been a shame for these people to be alone all that time, when the only thing keeping the divorce from being final was the other person's greediness. In every case, the spouse who wouldn't settle had hidden money, wanted more than half the assets, etc. It's always the greedy people who are the most hurtful, cos money matters more to them than emotion.
So, go ahead and start to date if you meet someone you like. I wish you happiness.

Answer 4

Normally, I would say it's wrong to cheat on your husband, because it threatens your marriage, even if you don't get caught. Given that you appear to have a marriage, on paper only, I wouldn't consider that a factor.

If anything is being contested, for instance, child custody or property distribution, an extramarital affair can definitely cost you. Personally, I don't think it ought to be a factor, but judges do decide who is at fault for the breakup of the marriage, and cheating on your spouse counts against you.

If you are going to do it, you also need to consider how your husband is likely to react, if he finds out about it? Is it possible that you would be putting your boyfriend's life in danger?

Do you have kids? How is this likely to affect them? You need to be especially careful not to put them in a position of having to take sides against their father, by lying to cover up what you are doing.

There is also the danger that you will go from one messed up relationship to another. That can happen, because you're looking for what you need right now, which may have very little to do with what you will need a year from now.

If you feel like you need some companionship now, go for it, but don't base a decision to get married on how you feel right now. A man who makes you feel wonderful right now, might end up being worse than your husband, if you actually marry him. Take your time.

Most people wait until their marriage is beyond repair, before seeing a marriage counselor. Personally, I think the best time to see a marriage counselor is when you're thinking about getting married, whether it's your first marriage, or a subsequent one.

Answer 5

Of course it's okay. And if your new relationship becomes serious, it's likely your new love with help with the divorce cost. I did. When I met my wife, she was still married to a man who she had been separated with for two years. I paid for the divorce so we could get married. It's been a wonderful marriage for 15 years now.

Answer 6

I think it is a terrible mistake. You should not get involved with anyone until the divorce is final and the ink is dried. I got involved with a man who was separated from his wife for 2 years. She lived in another country with their child. I was told many, many times that he was not going back with her. There was no way he was going to ever reconcile. I made the horrible mistake of getting involved with him. He decided that he was going to move where she and their child were living. He made all of these promises that he was going over there to be closer to their child and that we would still be together. I believed all of this so much I paid for the move so he could be with his child. Well almost 2 years later they are back together and started a business together and I was left with a bill and a broken heart. Please do everyone a favor and do not get involved with anyone. No one deserves to get caught up in your messes.

Answer 7

Well morally you should be divorced before getting into a sexual relationship with some else....But if your just talking about hanging out and dating NO I don't think you should have to wait.If your husband left you or you left him for abuse or cheating on you then he should pay for it and get it over with.If you 2 are still living together then NO, at least respect yourself enough to wait till your out on your own.

Answer 8

certainly legally there is no issue, just be sure your head is ready for it. My moral code would have no problem with it either, you are seperated so you are allowed. Make sure you are not on the rebound before you get over your head and get someone else involved, go ahead and date, take some time before you do the whole relationship thing. Just my opinion, good luck to you.

Answer 9

It depends on how comfortable you are with dating someone else while still married. Not to mention if you have children. Is he datin someone else? Only you know the answer to that. If there was no love lost and there wouldn't be any confusion to the children, I would date. Especially if it has been a year. Good luck! :)

Answer 10

It's a personal decision for everyone, but I don't see why it would be wrong to start looking for someone new the moment you are separated from your husband.

Answer 11

We all have needs. But I'm a firm believer in tying up loose ends and finishing one thing before you start another.

Good Luck to you in whatever you choose.