My son is being harassed by a gay boy, and my son isn't gay, what can I do?

Question

Stereotypically, someone might look at my son and think he might be gay. He's slender, a comedian personality, not the outdoors type at all. Well, this kid on his bus has made some extremely suggestive comments to him and I am so upset. He's upset also, but doesn't want it all over school. Also, our family doesn't believe it's moral. I know many people don't agree with that , but it's just my personal beleif. I don't want my son to be exposed in that way, even if he decided one day that he is~ I wouldn't want it to be because he was always harrassed by other gay guys...Does that make any sense? I've already talked with the counselor, but I dont' know what to say exactly to my son.

Answer 1

Sexual harassment of any kind is very serious and you must do everything in your power to protect your son. Make certain that you lodge an official complaint (both verbally and in writing) to school officials and let them know that you will take legal action if necessary. Continue to communicate openly with your son about his feelings and what is happening.The book Coping With Sexual Harassment and Gender Bias, by Dr. Victoria Shaw, defines sexual harassment as "bothering someone in a sexual way . . . It can be physical (such as touching someone in a sexual way), verbal (such as making unwelcome comments about someones appearance), or nonverbal." Sometimes the harassment involves crude propositions.

God's Word, the Bible, clearly condemns all forms of sexual harassment. We are told not to "encroach upon the rights" of others by violating sexual boundaries. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) Furthermore, the Bible condemns "obscene jesting." (Ephesians 5:3, 4) Therefore, you have a right to feel angry, upset, confused, and even demeaned when you are harassed!
The following website might give you some ideas about how to help your son cope with the situation. do a search for sexual harassment in the browse section.

Answer 2

1. Being slender, funny, and not outdoorsy does not make someone gay. Preferring the company of other men to the company of women makes someone gay.
2. Your involvement will not help your son. Stay out of it unless the situation becomes dangerous and/or physical. Getting his mommy involved will only subject your son to more harassment. Also, it's kind of pathetic.
3. Being harassed by a gay person will not turn your son gay, nor will it make him wish he were gay. If you were harassed by, say, an Inuit person, would you magically become Inuit? Would you wish you could be Inuit?
4. Your son will be exposed to homosexual people. There's no way around it. The conservative estimate is that 10% of the population is homosexual, so unless you've got him living in a bubble, he will be exposed to homosexual people. And that won't make him catch The Gay. The Gay is not contageous.

Perhaps your son should talk to the offending boy, and make it clear that he isn't interested, and that he finds the comments unnecessary and discomfiting. If this other kid doesn't get the reaction he wants out of your son (which, I'm guessing, would be anger), then he'll probably just get bored and stop.

Answer 3

Yes is does make sense.I think the best way to approach this subject is with honesty.Let him know how you feel about a person being gay.Let him know that his qualities are good qualities,things that will help him find a girlfriend and even a wife in the long run,and he shouldn't change himself for any reason.Advise him on how to approach or respond in a situation like this again.Tell him if someone does this again even if its the same boy,to politely tell them I'm sorry I think you got the wrong impression,im not gay.He could he just say "Sorry I have a girlfriend".Most gay people won't hit on a person that they know is straight.If he handles a situation like this maturely then chances are it won't happen again.I promise he won't come to you one day to tell you he is gay because he was harassed by gay guys.You should also mention tolerance,let him know just because in your family you don't agree doesn't mean he has the right to make fun of or talk poorly about gay people.You seem to have a good hold on the situation and I know you will be ok.Good LUCK. Feel free to e-mail me if you would like some more advice on this subject.

Answer 4

This kid doing the harassing, gay or otherwise, is behaving in typical school-bully fashion. There are two classic ways of dealing with bullies - via the relevant authority (principal, parents, law enforcement), or there's humiliating the bully.

Schools can be tough - and resorting to authority isn't necessarily the best way of dealing with the situation. That *could* imply that there was something in the jibe to start with, and it might tempt reprisals.

Throwing it back at the bully is great if you can muster the wit and courage to do it. Relying on the comedian personality, something sharp like "You're really not my type, with those huge ears," or "Kid, if I *were* gay, there's no way I'd even look at you" might just do the trick.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

Harassment is harassment, and there are laws against it, especially at school. Your son needs to know he has your support. I don't swing that way, so leave me alone is what I would tell him to say, but I understand that kids, teenagers especially are not reasonable people. Getting your mommy and the teachers involved might also bring on a whole new wave of harassment. This is a hard one. Life however is hard and unfortunately your son must learn this now.
He must learn to stand up for himself, Maybe get him into martial arts, through this study he can learn the kind of confidence that other people do not mess with. Also, ask your son what he needs from you and come up with a game plan.

Answer 6

Buy the kid a can of pepper spray or teach him martial arts. Regardless of your son's sexuality, the ability to say "no!" forcefully may come in handy some day. Make sure he understands that he should never allow himself to be pressured into sexual situations he does not like. The martial arts would help his image at school, and at least for ones like tae kwon do or jujitsu its more a matter of coordination and speed than it is raw physical power, although the exercises will improve those.

Also, complaining to the school is a good idea. They can keep it quiet if you ask nicely. What happens on the bus is technically their problem. If it happens again, definitely call the police and file a harassment report.

Answer 7

There could be two things happening here but in either case, the situation should be confronted. Either this "gay boy" is testing the waters to see if he has a chance with your son or he is taunting and bullying. When the boy makes suggestive remarks, your son might try an assertive statement such as "Direct your comments to someone who might be interested because I am not"
If the taunting continues, your son needs to approach him and tell him that the comments are not acceptable and that he must cease and desist making them. If they still do not cease, have your son write a carefully worded letter addressed to the boy and copied to both his parents and to school officials. This should do it.

Answer 8

Gather some evidence, look for witnesses and take up the matter with the competent authorities.

It happened to me when I was much younger. Looking like your son, as described in your question, I was once harassed. I gave the sick guy a piece of my mind, told him there's gonna be no second chance. He got the message, was really scared.

Answer 9

Tell your son to treat the guy like anyone who would attempt to get him to do something he does not want to do, whether it be drugs, sex, something criminal, etc. Also let him know that for some gays, trying to turn a straight person is almost a game, and that he should not take this as a reflection on his sexuality.

Answer 10

What would you do if it was a daughter being harassed? If the kid doesn't stop take it to the principle. I'm surprised your son hasn't given him what for, most boys would have been very offended.