My wife and I (she is his stepmom) have a 21 year old adult son we can't trust. He lies about the stupidest things...this morning is was whether or not he had made his bed..he hid that he has been sleeping on the mattress pad all week.
We pay for everything except his gas and insurance, he is a full-time college student with a (very) part time job. We have an agreement that he will xfer to a 4 year school next year that we will pay for, but he lies and lies and lies about stupid stuff. I am feeling resentful about spending many thousands of dollars to send him to school when we can't even trust him at home to tell us the truth about his situation. Oh, did I mention he also plays World of Warcraft for hours on end? This also gets under my skin.
I raised this kid on my own since I was 21 years old and this becoming intolerable. My softer side says, "Well, he could be doing worse things, count your blessings." If he lies about small stuff, what big things is he lying about?
2006-11-17 04:26:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He is lying because he can and it works. Once a young person finds out that lying has consequences in the long run they stop.
Your son is an adult, treat him like one. He needs more responsibilities and should be contributing to the household he is living in. He is a man and a man should learn to take care of himself. That means cooking his meals, washing his clothes, taking care of his stuff and room, and paying for all his stuff. As a matter of fact he should be paying for rent and food too (so much a month). True he is in college and we try to help them through but he needs to spend his time productively not on games.
You need to have the talk. Just you and him (not your wife since she is not his real mother you dont want her in the middle). Tell him he is 21 and a man now. You expect this this this from him. Make a list. If he does not help and so his share and if he continues lying to his family, he will have to pay all his own bills.
Explain that you planned to pay college fees and nothing more.
Make sure he gets the picture that he is not just a free-loader.
If he can not take care of himself now what makes you think he will be able to do it when away at college or LIFE. Someday he will have to support a wife and kids, can he now? He is of legal age and can marry anytime he choses. So can he take care of a family? You need to use tough love and push him to do so. Young people have a tendency to LIE if it works to get you to stop nagging or back off. Nagging does not work. What works is making it clear what is expected of him and what will happen if he does not comply.
My 22 year old was pushed to leave home for college (as he is the homebody, lazy, unmotivated). It worked. He lives in a home we own, takes classes, works partime, pays his own bills except for rent and utilites, cleans house, cooks his meal and does everything for himself. He has been doing this since he was 18 years old. He has roommates too and he governs the house. What greater responsibility than that? He has grown in more ways than he ever could at home. He is a kid to be proud of. As for lying. I always told my kids when they were young that lying does not work. I could see it in their faces (I can) and they would suffer the consequences of their actions (and they did).
Help you son be a responsible adult. And make sure you are treating him as an Adult otherwise he will resent you for it.
Good Luck
2006-11-17 04:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure if he's lying or not...I buy all kinds of things for people, but my laziness is packaging them and getting to the Post Ofice with them. ...then it sometimes seems too late, so I think I'll wait until the next holiday. ...but by then, I've lost a piece or chipped it or whatever, so I buy something different. ..and rinse and repeat. LOL Not too many 21 year old guys are overtly interested in their moms at that point in their life, it's a time for being young and usually frivolous too. Besides, he's an adult now...you need to find your own interests, it's not his job to keep you from being lonely. ...it's yours. Not to mention, at 21 is a child supposed to start supporting their parents...I wouldn't expect mine to? I am hopeful that in my old age, when they have finished college and are established that perhaps that may play a role...but not when they have only been a legal adult for three years? Make some friends, joins some groups...maybe get a part-time job, so you can be around people and have a little extra income? ...and let him know that you miss him and that you'd like him to call more often. Maybe he'll choose to, maybe not...hard to say what kind of relationship you hold with your son? Good luck.
2016-03-28 23:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think what the ultimate goal is here. Is he doing well in his studies? Is he helping around the house when he's not? Sit him down at give him some guidelines. Tell him that youre not going to ask him like a 'child' if he's made up his bed...but you expect him to keep his personal space clean. Some are very good about that ...some are not until they have a place of their own and mature a bit. He's still in 'take care of me Im a baby mode" Tell him youre going to treat him and talk to him like an adult as long as he acts like one. He's got it pretty good. Give him some options: military service or grow up now. ;) Good luck. Peace.
2006-11-17 04:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to sit downa and talk to him and let know that you are tired of it and that he is going to have to start taking care of hisself. Seriously he is 21 yrs old he needs to learn responsibilities and if guys keep babying him he will never learn that. Its okay to help him out, but if he wants to lie and you guys are working hard to help him have a great future then you need to show him that this is it and he needs take care of his own business....
His little lies will only turn into bigger lies. He may even start lying about going to school and you are paying all that money to have him in school. You guys need to wake up. He is a grown man now
2006-11-17 04:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by Kiwi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him about it. Tell him that if he doesn't straighten up (and get a job) then his source of money will dissapear. Also, if he doesn't, stick to your word, don't give him ANY money. Out of curiosity, why does it matter if he makes his bed or sleeps on a mattress pad? He IS 21! He needs to move out.
2006-11-17 04:30:13 · answer #5 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lying is a cancer. You stepson is really old to have this sort of behavior.
Is he doing well in school or does he lie about that too?
Sit him down. Talk to him and get him some professional help.
People lie when they don't think they can tell you the truth.
2006-11-17 04:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly you have to have a heart to heart talk with him. Just let him know that when he lies to you he is betraying your trust and it hurts. This would have to be your first step. Start off by saying When You ???? I feel ???
He could be doing worse things you are correct but he lives in your house and it is your rules. You bend over backwards for him so he needs to be respectful of you
2006-11-17 04:30:57 · answer #7 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit down and have a father son talk.Express your concerns about his behavior.That's probably the only way you will sort it out. He is young still got some growing up to do 'I'd also be proud to have a son that is going to collage so many just drop out and never even graduated. good luck
2006-11-17 04:42:54 · answer #8 · answered by deedee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds cool
2016-08-08 19:34:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a wake up call---this kid is 21 years old and an adult---time for him to move out----and explore life on his own...and dad---
quit paying for everything---he will neve grow up if DADDY pays for everything...u are doing this to him...and yes I am a parent...I didn't say it would be easy -- but there ya go
2006-11-17 04:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋