What Can I Do to Help?

Question

My friend just lost his father. I dont know what to do to cheer him. I thought about giving him some time but that might draw him into a loner but if Im around him, he might feel like he needs time to grief.
What I can I do to help his self esteem and to be cheerful?

Answer 1

If someone close to you has died, you may be feeling many different emotions. You may be sad, worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways you've never experienced before.

You might also notice that your loss is affecting what you're thinking about and how you behave. If you're grieving, you might be having trouble concentrating, sleeping, eating, or feeling interested in the things you usually enjoy. You might be trying to act like you feel OK (even if you don't) because you want to be strong for someone else. And you may wonder if you will ever get over losing someone who means so much to you.

All of these emotions can be natural reactions to the death of someone close. They're part of the process of grieving.

The grieving process is very personal and individual - each person goes through his or her grief differently. Some people reach out for support from others and find comfort in good memories. Others become very busy to take their minds off the loss. Some people become depressed and withdraw from their peers or go out of the way to avoid the places or situations that remind them of the person who has died. Just as people feel grief in many different ways, they handle it differently, too.

For some people, it may help to talk about the loss with others. Some do this naturally and easily with friends and family, others talk to a professional therapist. Some people may not feel like talking about it much at all because it's hard to find the words to express such deep and personal emotion or they wonder whether talking will make them feel the hurt more. This is fine, as long you find other ways to deal with your pain.

A few people may act out their sorrow by engaging in dangerous or self-destructive activities. Doing things like drinking, drugs, or cutting yourself to escape from the reality of a loss may seem to numb the pain, but the feeling is only temporary. The person isn't really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all those feelings build up inside and only prolongs the grief.

If your pain just seems to get worse, or if you feel like hurting yourself or have suicidal thoughts, tell someone you trust about how you feel.

It may feel impossible to recover after losing someone you love. But grief does get gradually better and become less intense as time goes by. To help get you through the pain, it can help to know some of the things you might expect during the grieving process.

The first few days after someone dies can be intense, with people expressing strong emotions, perhaps crying and comforting each other, and gathering to express their support and condolences to the ones most affected by the loss.

Family and friends often participate in rituals that may be part of their religious, cultural, community, or family traditions - such as memorial services, wakes, or funerals. These activities can help people get through the first days after a death and honor the person who died. People might spend time together talking and sharing memories about the person who died. This may continue for days or weeks following the loss as friends and family bring food, send cards, or stop by to visit.

Many times, people show their emotions during this time. But sometimes a person can be so surprised or overwhelmed by the death that he or she doesn't show any emotion right away - even though the loss is very hard. For example, Joey's friends expected he'd be really upset at his mom's funeral, so they were surprised that he was smiling and talking with people as if nothing had happened. When they asked him about it, Joey said that seeing his friends at the funeral cheered him up because it reminded him that some things would still be the same. Joey was able to cry and talk about how he felt when he was alone with his dad after the funeral.

Sometimes, when the rituals associated with grieving end, people might feel like they should be "over it" because everything seems to have gone back to normal. When people who are grieving first go back to their normal activities, it might be hard to put their hearts into everyday things. Many people go back to doing regular things after a few days or a week. But although they may not talk about their loss as much, the grieving process continues.

It's natural to continue to have feelings and questions for a while after someone dies. It's also natural to begin to feel somewhat better. A lot depends on how your loss affects your life. It's OK to feel grief for days, weeks, or even longer, depending on how close you were to the person who died.

No matter how you choose to grieve, there's no one right way to do it. The grieving process is a gradual one that lasts longer for some people than others. There may be times when you worry that you'll never enjoy life the same way again, but this is a natural reaction after a loss.
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Create a support group on Yahoo! for your friend and his father. Help him express his feelings for his dad without holding back.
Create a memorial or tribute. Plant a tree or garden, or memorialize the person in some fitting way, such as running in a charity run or walk (a breast cancer race, for example) in honor of the lost loved one.

Answer 2

When my dad died, I liked it when people came around, as long as they didn't try and get into the whole subject of my dad. I'd pretty much just sit there while people spoke around me. You are in that much of a daze you really don't know whats going on anyways.
But after he gets over the initial grief he will appreciate that you were there for him. Though trying to cheer him up won't work, don't be morose or anything, but also do not try to make light of what he is going through.
I don't think you need to worry about his self esteem, he is grieving, he has the right to be sad and quiet. Just give him as much time and space as he wants.

Answer 3

You can still ask him to do the things you guys have always done. For example ask if he wants to go watch a movie. He may say no, but at least he knows you are there for him. Or he may say yes, and then mope through the whole thing. Don't expect him to be cheerful, but do try to get him out into life again. It takes awhile to find the joy after a death in the family, but it happens sooner when your friends try to keep you involved. The sooner things get back to some sense of normalcy for your friend, the sooner he can move on.

Answer 4

I know you want to help him as this is a hard time in a friends life.The best thing to do is ask him,Tell him you want to be there for him in anyway.If he says i don't know then stay by his side he might not want to hold you back if there is something you need to do that day.Let him know that your first concern is him and if there is something that comes up then you will attend to it but right now it's him.Sometimes when you are greaving you act like everything is ok,if he is acting like this just be a where of it and every once in a while go give him a hug or over the phone tell him what he means to you.Let him cheer up when it's time for him,just be there for him.he has to go in stages or he might get stuck in the depression stage and you don't want that./

Answer 5

I believe that as you have asked on here, you must care about him alot. I dont think that any thing you can say will make him feel better, however as long as you are willing to talk about anything and you are there for him when he needs you. Then you will be the friend that you want to be. (well done) XX

Answer 6

Sometimes just being there is the best thing you can do, you might have nothing to say, or know anything to do, but be there, your feel very awkward, ask your friend is there anything he would like you to do? but just being there makes you a good friend

Answer 7

Give him time, but make sure that he knows you are available if he needs you to listen or just hang out.