My ex is about to move in with his girlfriend - only 7 months after we separated. She has been introduced to our son - who is 9 - as a "friend". Two days ago she gave him a b-day present. When he told me about it he looked so guilty about it that I immediately told him it was okay to like this woman. It hurt like hell but I did it for his sake. Last night he asked me why we divorced and begged for us to get back together (he does this at least every 2nd night). I told him as gently as I could that it would not happened. I explained to him that mom and dad decided that we could not live together because we were not getting along and that we were moving on with our lives. I then told him that his Dad's "friend" is actually a girlfriend. I did not tell him about them moving in together. He got angry - he was upset that his Dad lied to him. I told him that his Dad still loved him and would always be a part of his life. Did I do the right thing? I was tired of lying to my son.
2006-11-17 04:08:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your son needed to know that you and his dad weren't getting back together. I believe I would have left it up to his father to tell him about the new person in his father's life. But since you already have--there's not really much you can do about it. You might tell him that you are better parents apart than you are together. Either way you go it will be hard on your son. You will need to keep the lines open and freindly with his dad. I dont have to tell you this---but you share a son so his dad will always be in your life one way or the other because of the child you share.
2006-11-17 04:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by firefly06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yup, for sure. He is not a baby, he is angry that his dad lied to him because he is NOT A BABY. He is 9 and deserves the truth and the right to not be lied to. You seem to be saying all the right things even if they hurt to say as you are saying them for the sake of your child. This will only bring you two closer and make for a good relationship. He will soon know that you will always tell him the truth and never sugar coat it. That is important to kids and being that he was 9, I'm sure he knew it was dad's girlfriend, but was waiting for someone to really tell the truth. He is angry because his father did not trust in him enough to be able to handle the truth. I have always told my kids the truth however keeping not to say anything bad about their father. I have an awesome relationship with my 6 and almost 10 yr old and have been divorced for almost 4 yrs.
2006-11-17 12:24:12 · answer #2 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes ma'm you did the right thing. You were amazing and very mature handling the b-day present. I applaud you!
Lying or concealing the truth only hurts the child when he finds out the truth.
I agree, you and your ex need to sit down with him and explain that you were not happy people living together. You are better living apart.
2006-11-17 12:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by HowdyThere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you seem to be handling this in a very mature manner. Good for you! It seems that since he felt guilty over the bday present, that he had already realized she was a girlfriend. Divorce is never easy, and some kids never get over wanting their parents together again. Just be patient with him.
2006-11-17 12:19:30 · answer #4 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the years go by, the hurt and pain of a bad marriage goes away. What never goes away is the hurt and disappointed in your child's face when you confront him with the news. For me it's been 20 years since I gave similar news to my son. I'm sure he has gotten over that day. But, I never have. Good luck to you.
2006-11-17 12:30:15 · answer #5 · answered by Overt Operative 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes You Did Do The Right Thing. It's Better Coming From You Than From Somebody Else.
2006-11-17 12:19:07 · answer #6 · answered by bob r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have overstepped a bit. He's only 9. I do believe in honesty. But on your OWN behalf. His dad needs to fill in HIS own side for himself. You may have given him more information than he actually needed. And ALL children want nothing more than to have their parents back together to live happily ever after.
He could actually be angry with you for bursting his bubble.
2006-11-17 12:27:03 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your ex might want to sit down together and explain to the kid what's going on. I wonder if it's going to be appropriate for a 9 year old to "visit" his dad, who is shacking up out of wedlock. That's not exactly a good role model for him.
2006-11-17 12:16:51 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
HELL yes you did the right thing! your son is old enough to understand he has a right to know!!!!
2006-11-17 12:25:30 · answer #9 · answered by socerchic2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋