Note the person that broke up my marriage is my youngest sister. I have ask my daughters friends what they think and they are all aware that my sister and my ex are together. My girls call it friendship and ever holiday they want me to share it with them. I can't do that I have tried and it is like being slapped in the face. How should I handle this situation.
2006-11-17 03:33:54 · 18 answers · asked by springer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make a statement.
Tell them you are happy to have them in your home. However, you are not willing to attend a gathering where your ex and/or your youngest sister are in attendance.
You don't agree with what they did, and you believe that to attend gives tacit approval of their actions.
So you choose to not attend for those reasons.
They are free to visit you, or to invite you to gatherings they have where your ex and/or your youngest sister will not attend.
Tell them you still love them, but must enforce this boundary.
2006-11-17 03:39:27 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Family are the hardest to convince of anything. They have this sense that they are doign it for your good and they will persit until either you stand up and announce they are all meddling in that which causes you a lot fo hurt or you run away and abandon them all.
Personally, I like the latter option. Why not simply plan nice trips for yourself to conicide with the holidays for the next year or twenty. That way when any one in the family says let's share, you can say, "sorry, I am going to be in ____________ then so I guess it won't work".
Maybe after enough absences they will either figure out why or they will just stop asking out of frustration. Either way, it should help and if nothign else, you get to go places and do things and have some fun on the holidays.
2006-11-17 03:58:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Apparently your children are just thinking of theirselfs. They should not even ask you to put yourself in that position. They should stand behind you and have the Holidays with you. If they still want to see their Dad then say should alternate. They are very selfish. Stand your ground and DON'T feel guilty for the way you feel, you have every right to not want to be with them. You are handling this better then I would. I would probably show up and kick some A**. I gaurantee they would not ask me to go back.
2006-11-17 04:11:30 · answer #3 · answered by horsecrazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children need to be more understanding of your feelings and not force you to be placed in that situation. I understand that he is still their father and she is ......., but there is no need for them to force you to be in the same house, let alone room with them.
If they continue to take the stance that everyone is invited for family events, I would suggest that you tell them that you can not make it but would love to have them over to your place on another day. Therefore, you will have control over who is invited and who is not. If that means not seeing them on christmas day or thanksgiving day, then so be it. Why be miserable on those days when you don't need to be.
On a side note, I would suggest maybe getting some counselling for yourself. Being in the situation that you were in, I think it would be a good idea to speak with someone about how to deal with what happened and move forward with your life.
2006-11-17 03:41:38 · answer #4 · answered by tipper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The people that break up a marriage are the people in the marriage and no one else.
If you and your ex-husband were giving each other what you both needed and wanted then no one would of strayed because all their needs & wants were being meet. The truth is he failed and you failed at your marriage. Your sister only prospered from it
2006-11-17 04:48:20 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just tell them that you're not going and if its more important to them to spend the holidays with their mother than they will do what you do and stay at home, but if they choose their father and your screwed up sister, then let them go and do their thing. That way you let them know that you are above it all and that you aren't just being a stubborn brat!
2006-11-17 03:56:02 · answer #6 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what is best for you, and you do not have to be subjected to that type of hurt and pain over and again. If they can't understand or show some type of compassion towards you and your feelings, it obvious that they're not listening to you and you need to sit them down so that they can understand your position once and for all. Your sister and ex have betrayed you, and your daughters need to be enlightened.
2006-11-17 03:38:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just repeat until they get it: "I do not want to be around the woman that broke up my marriage." And book yourself on a cruise for the holidays.
2006-11-17 03:43:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many sacrifices we make for our children, whether we want to or not. I'm sorry if this comes off harshly, but you're choosing your grudge and your own feelings over the feelings of your children. Put away your resentment long enough to spend the holiday with your children, regardless of how you feel about some of the people who will be there. There should be nothing more important than the feelings of your children.
2006-11-17 03:37:38 · answer #9 · answered by Jaded 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You picked a great name for your avatar, this is a springer episode, Sorry, I don't mean to make light of it, this is horrible. And your children if they are grown should really understand, I don't understand why they find this so difficult to comprehend. Just tell them and they should at the very least respect you and your choices as their mother. Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-17 03:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋