husband leaving me -- what am I entitled to as stay home wife?

Question

I supported my husband while he went to law school. Then, I gave up my career to stay home with our special needs child. I've been there for him to attend business events and support him with his social and networking responsibilities. I have no job skills other than mom and special skills related to the care of my child. We just moved to a new city where I know no one. After 11 yrs of marriage, he wants to leave me. What am I entitled to in a divorce situation. I don't want to move my son from his new school or home. I am alone and don't know where to begin to prepare for what is coming! Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I put my wife through 13 years of ed. to a Ph.D. At the breakup, which came immediately after the award of the degree, she went for my pension.

Though trying the issue in an Indiana court (a juridical howling wilderness) I argued that the degree was a thing of value created, like all joint property, through the sacrifice and effort of both parties, and should be evaluated and divided rather than for the holder take the value with no compensation to the other party.

Ask your attorney to dig out my brief on appeal. He will find all the possible citiations up to 1991, and some telling arguments from equity. There has been more progress in making licenses and degrees property since. The Case is Ind. Stevens v. Stevens. They do seminars on the case in Indiana.

Lawyers would not research or argue the case, so I fired them and researched it myself and wrote a trail brief that was unanswerable. I won at trial level and they appealed. The Appellate Ct. said that it was not law to define a degree as property (it is in N.Y., N.J. and many western states, sometimes called an "asset" to avoid the extant definition of "property.") but it could be considered as a thing of value and its value ascertained and divided if the Court decided to do that.

Though she used the child support money to go to France several times, I kept my pension. Whatever happens, the court will, without saying so, consider the value of the Law License. He's a lawyer, so he will stop what he can, but in discovery you need not share with him any of your legal strategy or work product, and I would say nothing of this tactic until they are confronted with it at hearing. They then have to find counter arguments on the spot, and you have a chance to see how fuddled lawyers can be made..

All is better if you can avoid bitterness, and you should consider that in retaining an attorney. Junkyard dogs are not always helpful in the long view, especially where there are children

I should tell you I have done replevin actions, property damage torts, misdemeaner defense (it cost the complainant $2,500 to attempt it), thieft through deception, two cases against insurance co.s in accident cases (you sue their insured), and helped my wife to file and try per se a wrongful discharge claim. Of those cases that went to trial, I prevailed in every cause. And I had a lot of fun with every case. Until I undertook the case myself, I was beside myself with the lawyers in the divorce. Handling it pro se helped me enormously with the emotional strain.

Her lawyer, a woman, became one of my best friends, and I had an email from her last night.

Answer 2

Get an attorney. You are at least entitled to child support and possibly spousal support. Who owns the home? Who is on the mortgage contract, if it isn't you, then you will have to find a new place to live if he asks you to move. You can buy time by requesting that he formally serve you with an eviction notice (about 30-60 days). If you have no source of income of your own, you can contact the department of social and family services until you start getting some relief from your husband. If you get an attorney, you can also sue him later for attorney costs and fees incurred during the dissolution process.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Because of the huge differences applicable to each individual's circumstances, and from State to State, I think the thing you need to do is talk to a divorce lawyer near you. You may or may not have to pay him something for an initial consultation, but it could cost you dearly if you don't know what the heck you are doing - especially since you say your husband has gone through law school (presumably now himself a lawyer). You need some equal ammunition or he is likely to make chopped liver out of you.
I believe there are organizations pretty much everywhere these days who help women in situations like this. At the very least a local divorce lawyer should be able to tell you how to contact one of them for further advice and assistance. If you happen to know somebody who has gone through a divorce and used the services of a divorce attorney, that person might be able to recommend one to you. And you need have no worries about anything getting back to your husband about what you are doing. Any conversation that you have with an attorney, whether you eventually hire him to handle your divorce, or not, will be strictly confidential. But one bit of advice I can give you for sure.... whatever you decide to do, do it fast. You waste time, you lose ground, and it's my bet your husband isn't doing either one.

Answer 4

You need to get your own attorney as soon as possible for these answers! I can tell you this much. You will be entitled to spousal support (alimony) and the child will need special care so child support and likely the cost of his schooling, related costs and any special medical insurance he might need. Plus, you can petition for the family home. Above all else, GET AN ATTORNEY. Do not trust your husband to not stick it to you. Sadly, justice is a vaporous concept in our family legal system. Best to protect your son and your best interests. If I forgot to mention it, get an attorney...now!

Answer 5

First thing that I would do is get advice from a lawyer. If that money was in a joint account, you need to get records of that account, when the money was transferred and where it was transferred. The bank should be able to do this. When you divorce, your lawyer will be able to file and Interrogatory that requests records from your husband (medical, financial, and otherwise). With this, it should be pretty easy to point out that this was a joint account with both your names on it (hence your money, as well) and that you are entitled to some of that. Any property that is in both of your names will either have to be sold for you to split the money OR he will have to buy out your share - if your lawyer is any good, that is. And regardless of if you are working or not, your husband will have to pay child support. I don't condone "welfare moms" that live off of child support from their ex, but I do believe that child support is there for a reason. Just make sure that you are fair and have that child support modified when you do get employment. That way you are also showing that you are not a "gold digger" and are trying to remain fair with your soon-to-be-ex husband.

Answer 6

All of the people above this have offered you good advise. In your case, an attorney is needed. And, unfortunately, probably in an adversarial format --- i.e., he has one, and you have one, and yours gets the the best deal he/she can for you...(it also means big attorney fees, but you will undoubtedly come out better than if you went to a "mediating attorney" who representated you both. Yours is considered a long term marriage, i.e., over 10 years, and you are not required to reduce your style of living significantly..So, best advise? Don't sign papers off the internet, get an attorney....And if you do not know one in your area, call a friend where you used to live, and have them call their attorney, and recommend one in the area in which you are now living. Don't settle for someone you don't seem to like. And don't settle for someone who seems just tooooo busy to return your calls. A mom and pop operation is probably what you DON'T want. Sometimes those big law firms are top notch...

Answer 7

You are entitled to half of everything obtained throughout your marriage. And entitled to child support and possibly spousal support since you stay with your special needs child. Talk to a lawyer about all the possibilities that are open to women like you.

Answer 8

As the sole caregiver for your special needs child you are entitles to a lot....

make sure you talk to a lawyer though, they would know more than anyone on here

also, my family has 13 adopted kids, most special needs.So I can tell you there alot of things to help you. Medicare should pay for most of the healthcare costs for your son, You could file for social security for him, and depending on his age and disablility he could qualify for free therapy (physical, occupational, vision, whatever his issues are) in the home at a low or no cost.

Answer 9

Talk to a lawyer. You should at least be able toget half of the family assets and will also receive alimony and child support. A lawyer could answer you best, though. FInd one fast.

Answer 10

Get a good lawyer and take everything. Women are like a Texas tornado; they scream when they come and take the house when they leave.