I married my first wife 15 years ago, but we have been separated and legally divorced for the last 5 years. We have two children, who are now 14 and 9. For the last 3 years I have been dating another woman and we had a baby 2 months ago. She is mad at me because I didn't want to marry her, because that meant leaving 4,000 miles away from my two older children. Now my ex wife is begging me to come back because - according to her - she has been unable to make a proper home for our children, she still loves me and my children need me. Now the mother of my newborn is living in the same city as my ex-wife and older children. I dream of having all of them together under the same roof. Both women know that during the last 3 years I have been having sex (on and off) with both of them. I have feelings for both women, but most of all I love my three children dearly and want to be very close to all of them. Am I mad or unrealistic? Would it be inmoral or ilegal? Could that hurt my children?
2006-11-17 03:19:25 · 14 answers · asked by Hueving 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The definition of polygamy is marriage to more than 2 people. Bigamy is marriage to more than one. Neither is legal. I understand that you can't help who you love but it sounds like you want to do this for your kids. No, this isn't setting up a good example for your kids. What are they going to say, think, and how are they going to regard relationships when they are ready. You need to decide which woman you are in love with. Which woman you can't live without. If it was me, and I found out you were with another woman, that'd be it. You need to re-evaluate why you and your first wife seperated. Obviously it didn't work out. You say they are living in the same city. Have you tried to get sole custody of all three children? It seems that you want them together rather than them and both women. And I don't know of a woman who would share their husband with another woman and honestly be happy about it. You are being selfish for monopolizing both women and leading them on. If this was my father, I'd be truly embarrassed.
2006-11-17 03:33:25 · answer #1 · answered by skybelle24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Polygamy is having more than one wife or husband at the same time. As far as I know, Utah is the only state in this country, where that practice is legal. You are not a polygamist. You only have one ex-wife and a girlfriend. What you don't say is who the divorce was initiated by. You? Your ex? Your going back to your ex would depend on the circumstances that caused you to leave in the first place.
You say you have feelings for both women. You can only have a relationship with one of them. More important though, is being a part of your children's lives. You don't have to have either woman but your children need their father. You have a moral and legal obligation to those kids. If it is necessary, you could petition the court to order visitation for you. Make sure you are current on your child support payments for all three children. That will go well in your favor if you have to go to court. You could try getting the two women together and work out when you can visit the kids.
If getting together does not work speak to each one individually and try to work out when is convenient for you to see the chidren.
2006-11-17 03:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but you are in a really rough spot right now. I think all three adults are thinking of this in the wrong way---they are being selfish. The most important thing to consider is all three children. While, it is illegal to practice polygamy (and depending on your religion, immoral), it certainly is not illegal to have children with multiple women. Given that, it is probably best to stay put, or rather, be near your children from marraige 1, but keep child number 2 VERY close. It will be hard, but ultimately, you all need to consider the well being of the children.
Best of luck to you.
p.s. if that doesn't work, rent the first season of Big Love. Maybe you'll get some idea's.
2006-11-17 03:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by cutegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay.
1. Polygamy: having more than one spouse at a time.
2. Immoral: Depends. Morality is based on religion. Ethics is based on law.
3. Illegal: Yes. Polygamy is illegal in ALL states. Utah does NOT allow polygamy. The practice was given up when Utah became a state. All people who claim to have more than one spouse are telling a lie in the eyes of the the state, but not in eyes of their religion or their heart.
*NOTE: LDS (mainstream) does not practice nor allow plural marriage.
4. Hurt your children: It could but then again it may not. Children are very resilient, and do not see the world as we adults do. If your two lady friends are amenable to living in a polyamorous lifestyle then perhaps this is the best solution for YOUR family. Talk openly and frankly with them concerning this option. Ask the children how they would feel about having two mommies and one daddy.
5. Sex: Is nobodies business but for the parties involved. (as long as all parties are adult and consenting)
Links provided for research purposes about Non-monogamous relationships. Yes, I've looked into this. No, I do not practice it.
2006-11-17 04:30:06 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Polygamy is being married to more than one person at the same time. Illegal, immoral, YES. There is a solution to your problem but it isn't to marry both. You should choose between the women, that doesn't mean choosing between your children. You are only prolonging the hurt for yourself and both of them by continueing on the way you are. Plus you must think of the behavior you are showing you children. You are a role model to them whether you think or want to be. You must show them the right way to treat women, no matter if you have girls or boys, and the moral thing to do in life.
2006-11-17 03:36:00 · answer #5 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, anyway polygamy is being married to more than one person at one time, yes it is illegal. And as far as you having them all living in the same house that is a very personal choice, something you would have to discuss with the two women. Personally, for me no, I would never even consider such. Many women however do have relationships such as this. I do not think it is good for the children, this is not an acceptable practice within society, therefore they would have to bear the burden of the choices the three of you make. You need to make a choice and stick to you. And take care of your children. I do not see why you have to have both women in the same house in order to care for your children. Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-17 03:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it'll hurt your children if you're not honest with them, that also goes for the two women you're having sex with. What I got from your question is that you're really more worried about you and your children than you are the women you're involved with. Polygamy isn't what the issue is it seems like, it's figuring out what it is you want for yourself . . . The Mormon cult was John Smiths' way of trying to have his cake and eat it too, but we don't live in a world where that's an easy way out. . . . my answer to you would be to stop thinking of this as a selfish decision and start thinking of how all your choices will effect those two women and your children's' lives in the long run. Are you ready to handle that type of situation? Or are you just looking for an easy way out?
2006-11-17 03:35:01 · answer #7 · answered by RFM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously (as opposed to monogamy where each person has only one spouse at a time).
Secular law in most western countries including most state in USA, with large Jewish and Christian populations does not recognize polygamous marriages. However, few such countries have any laws against living a polygamous lifestyle (having two woman and man living together as husband and wife but not married: they simply refuse to give it any official recognition. Parts of the United States, however, criminalize even the polygamous lifestyle; these laws originated as anti-Mormon legislation, although they are rarely enforced.
But leaving such lifestyle has a lot of social disadventage. Think where you will find friends, neighbors you will hide relation?
2006-11-17 03:48:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes polygamy is illegal and immoral. It would really screw up your children in the long run. How funny it would be for them to grow up telling people their dad had 2 wives and we all live together, they would be made fun of forever. You can have all the dreams of having them all under the same roof, but I don't think it woud be good or healthy for anyone. These women must be crazy if they are sharing you. What happend to the morals of our society, but if thats what you guys want then none of my business.
2006-11-17 03:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Polygamy means being married to more than one person at the same time. Is it illegal? It depends on where you live. Is it immoral? Yes. Will it affect your children? Most likely, but if you are good father to all, it shouldn't affect them too much.
Do I agree with what you are doing? Absolutely not.
2006-11-17 03:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by tipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋