I am married and me and my wife, are considering separation, I have two kids who I love more than anything,?

Question

I am hurt but we fight verbaly and t just get's worse and worse and it's not about money, It's us I am upside down with worry,
in one point I don't want to go further and start arguing in front of my kids, my son 3 y old has been there and already he is telling us to stop yelling at 3, It's killin me. what to do

Answer 1

You need to stop and look at your priorities. Your children are number one. You need to do all that is possible to give them an intact, caring mother and father house. After divorce and the boy/girlfriends come parading in and out of their lives, things get pretty rough for the kids. Don't do this to them.

You are the man of the family. Ultimately the responsibility is all on your shoulders. You take the first step. The rewards will be indescribable.

I also stood once on the edge of divorce. I finally realized I was a jerk and made a one-eighty. You must do the same.

In general, you must make your wife's happiness a priority. Think of what she would like and do it. Don't worry about your own happiness. A loving wife and happy kids will provide all the happiness you need.

However don't do what is wrong, ie go into debt to buy stuff for her or do ridiculous things. Treat her well. Tell her you love her and your marriage is very important to you. Do the dishes on occasion, make the bed every day, I do. help around the house. Don't neglect your own chores.

Most important of all. Do the right thing. Spend money wisely. Raise the kids properly (don't be their friend, be their loving authoritative parent).

Let your ego and feelings go when you and your wife argue. Let her speak her peace. Try giving each other a couple minutes to say whatever you want with absolutely no words (or funny looks) from the other.

Don't separate, that almost inevitably leads to divorce.

My parents got divorced when I was 13. Don't do it to your kids. I got stuck with a horrible step-dad for decades. My dad told me the number one regret in his life is that he didn't work more on his marriage to my mother. Step up to the plate, be a man, and take care of your woman!

Answer 2

See if you can agree with your wife not to argue in front of the kids. Next, see if you can agree to seek a marriage counselor. Agree not to "yell" when communicating with each other. Learn to say "I need a time out" when the urge of exploding is present. Take that time to calm yourself down abit. You will be amazed at what you may have avoided saying by taking that extra time for yourself. Those are some defensive measures. For some offensive measures; Take her out 1 or 2 times a week. It doesn't have to be an expensive evening. A walk, a drive, a run, go for a slice of pizza, for some ice cream, etc. The time away from the kids and with the focus on each other, may recharge/ re-spark your relationship. As for the kids, they will notice mom & dad spending time together. Which will be possitive for them. Another thing, try complimenting her at lease once a day. It could be about her looks, her food, her home, etc. Be sincere though. You will be suprised at the results. As for separation? A sudden shock of separation or separation in itself will have a lasting impact on the children, your wife and yourself. It will have a lasting effect on the family unit forever. Good luck!

Answer 3

maybe you should spend a little time away from each other just to calm things down first. you and your wife should try counseling for the sake of the children. you and your wife could try writing a letter to each other and get all of your issues out in the open. the letters will bypass any instant arguing. role reversal helps by showing you guys how you see each other. you both need to stop getting so defensive. talk TO each other, not AT each other. if nothing works then the best thing to do is divorce. would you rather live the next 10-25 years hating each other? sometimes two people just aren't good together but make sure you put your children's well being first. you and your wife are the examples of what they think love is. good luck.

Answer 4

It may be time to stop considering and really separate. Most important is your children. If you cannot stop fighting in front of him you are also hurting him and as he grows that is how he will deal with his problems. You could also try marriage counseling if you haven't already and you are both open to it. You must both be wiling and open though for the counseling to work. If you decide to separate, have a sit down with your children and let them know that you both love them and that this has nothing to do with them. You will probably have to repeat the conversation as kids sometimes think it is their fault. If only I had been a good boy/girl, even though your arguments may have had nothing to do with them. Another thing is to never say anything bad about each other to the child. This will only push them away from you and closer to the other parent no matter what you are saying. Just enjoy the time you have with your child. Good luck to you, I have divorced due to verbal fighting. My children are much better off, but are pullling away from their father, because he continuously says bad things about me.

Answer 5

Firstly, marriage is not without differences. But those differences should not degrade to yelling matches in from of your children, for christ sake, no matter what they are about!!!!!! There are ways to negotiate -- you two apparently don't have those skills. So, before you bail, get into counseling, and find out ways to negotiate..... it is a real skill, just like learning to drive a car, or ride a bike. Your marriage isn't over, just because you argue. Your marriage IS over when you hit a deal-busting rock in the road -- like betrayal. So, sweetie, get into counseling for a few session.---- you won't be there for years, only a few sessions will teach you how to discuss and resolve your problems...... but negotiating differences is a skill, learned..... You haven't learned it. So, do so. Good luck...... it works, hon!

Answer 6

First, you should always look into counseling, but counseling will only help if you both want it to. Second, your kids will be happy if you two are happy. If you decide to seperate, do what ever you can to make it an easy transition for your kids, they will need you more during this time than any other. Good luck!

Answer 7

separate, but stay an active part of your children's lives - it's not like they're the only kids with separated parents - it's better for them in the long run not to have to witness the yelling and fighting every day.

Answer 8

counseling and re-evaluation by a professional and yourselves.

A concealer could tell you about your problems and solutions with half a dozen sessions with both of you.

Answer 9

well i dink dat u guys shuld woprk out ur differences out together nd to c wat u uys r doin wrong!!!