My mom is a lesbian...She and her SO (we'll call her Jay) have been together for 12 years...BOTH are incredible people, and my Best friends. My concern is this: I have spent years telling my 2 children (their grandkids) that Jay (whom they call Nana) is NOT a boy...and that it was impolite to say...Jay has always looked incredibly butch and its caused the kids some confusion. Well, at 6 & 8 they finally understand...Jay is a girl..BUT Jay has been going thru hormone treatment and now has a beard, a deep voice and considers herself a man. THIS IS NOT THE ISSUE SO PLEASE DON'T ANSWER IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS!.The issue is, how do I NOW explain to my kids, after years of saying she's a girl...that she is now a boy...without freaking them out...They are too young for a lot of details...but old enough to have noticed somethings different....so I will HAVE to explain this soon~ I am still adjusting myself so knowing the right way to do this is hard!...
2006-11-17 02:37:07 · 12 answers · asked by Shakira 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I don't care if YOU think its wrong...that is neither here nor there to me....
I am asking for the best way to explain to young children...Don't bother wasting YOUR time answering with negative comments.
My kids know being ignorant is wrong. Hello!
2006-11-17 02:52:51 · update #1
You are a GREAT daughter and a GREAT mom. You make my heart swell with pride, happiness and peace.
Kids understand things at earlier ages than we give them credit for. I would tell your kids the truth in a straight forward, honest, unworried way. They'll pick up on your tone and how YOU feel about it. If you're okay with it, and they know Nana is still their Nana who has always loved them and always will, and they know their Grandma is okay with it too, then they'll be just fine.
Talk with Nana and Grandma to see how they suggest you explain it to the kids. I would start by telling the kids (they're gonna love this) "Well, it turns out you kiddos were right and the rest of us were wrong! Even though Nana was born in a girl body, she was really a boy inside. It's been tough to figure it out, and Nana made a brave decision. She's been seeing her doctor and he is making her into a boy on the outside so she will match with being a boy on the inside. What questions does that bring up for you guys?" And then proceed from there, using simple explainations. Consider letting the KIDS decide what they should call Nana from now on. Do they want to call him "Grandpa", "Grandpoppy", "Granddad" or "Pappa"? Having a say in what they call their Nana will feel great for them.
2006-11-17 03:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by steve d 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
From my opinion you have to find the correct solution, because you know better the situation and your kids, and this situation is so particular that it's difficult to give a good advice that sure works.
All I can do is to write down some considerations:
1. It would be good that your kids know a reason why their grandpa has changed
2. Most of the times it's better to tell the truth, naturally 'adapted' for 6&8 yo kids. I think that kid would become more curious if they were suspecting that you told them an invented story, and the worst thing that might happen is that they discover the truth in another, ruthless, way.
3. What has happened in the end has been a person's choice, so it's important that the kids understand that what their grandpa did was for his pleasure, and this doesn't mean that changing sex is good and beautiful for everybody.
4. keep you eyes and ears opened, because I imagine that sooner or later some dumb person will start saying nasty things to your kids about your situation and this is the moment in which they risk to suffer a lot.
So this is it. I hope that reading this you can find the best solution for your kids.
2006-11-17 03:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by Lorenzo Agostini 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The kids may still be too young for too much explanation right now. You may just want to say that Jay has been going through some medical changes. Or you may want to discuss it with your mother and Jay and all three of you should find a way to explain things to the kids, in the simplest way possible. Or just wait until the kids are old enough to start asking questions on their own.
2006-11-17 02:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The best way to approach it with your kids is to explain that some people are born feeling like they don't fit in their bodies and they live in those bodies for a long time, until they realize that they don't want to live like that anymore, so they try to help themselves feel better. Compare it to when they feel sick and they want to get better, even though it's not necessarily the best analogy. Explain that some babies are born as boys but those babies felt like little girls. So those babies grew up and decided to be little girls even though that not how they were born. Make sure that they know though that they can't just hcange their sex whenever they feel like it, it's serious decision that takes a lot of planning. And make sure that they know that no matter what, Jay still loves them very much.
2006-11-17 03:03:50 · answer #4 · answered by snowbaby 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Now how is that a possibility? i assume you recommend in mannerisms extremely than in the 'looks' dept? it relatively is humorous you posed this to us. For immediately i discussed to my husband, that along with his movements or mannerisms now, he's reminding me of my grandpa. And that's a actuality. i've got continuously observed, that while we age incredibly, it relatively is as though 5 years have by surprise caught up with each and every human beings. by surprise we see definate age variations. My husband took a image of me immediately, and confirmed me the effect. OMG i could no longer have self belief I even have 'jowls' now. I now look like my grandmother. Or close. yet now he's misplaced greater hair and has a bald spot on his crown. And he's strolling greater stiff legged and by way of arthritus in his backbone, he sits greater suitable than he stands. he's likewise wearing a abdomen back, when you have it way down. And right here I naively theory while youthful, that growing to be older would be this type of snap. a mushy waft. extremely, i'm dashing head first downhill, like a waterfall right into a lake decrease than. yet then, I never gave theory to the reality, that i'd advance a pair of illnesses and initiate off having the 'achey breakies' youthful than even my grandma did. So interestingly like the two one all human beings is going to be doing a straightforward volume of chuckling as quickly as we observe the charicteristics of growing to be older further and extra. yet hi, it relatively is no longer so undesirable, once you communicate the alternative! LOL
2016-10-15 16:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that would be hard to do. Maybe instead of explaining at first you could show them a video/ movie i.e. the movie called Transamerica (2005) released in video stores to all public. It is about someone going through that transition. After showing the movie, (which is a normal movie and its probably ok for children)
then you could explain about their Nana.
2006-11-17 02:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by Sammy 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He didn't like pretending to be a girl,so he switched sides? Avoid information overload and try to bring it down to their level of understanding. Oh, and whatever you do don't show them Transamerica. It's not really suitable for minors.
2006-11-17 08:00:13 · answer #7 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is so confusing for everyone even myself. LOL I would try to get some couseling for them that way they can try to explain it with you there as well there isn't anything wrong with some family counseling and this way you can talk about the change in her ways. It is a hard way for a way to live. Good luck.
2006-11-17 02:47:40 · answer #8 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps you can just lie? Best of luck!
2006-11-17 05:45:47 · answer #9 · answered by T B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Jay" needs some serious psycho-therapy. I am sorry that you had to be raised around such sexual disfunction.
2006-11-17 02:48:52 · answer #10 · answered by devil's advocate 4 · 2⤊ 9⤋