You always seem to know what's right
You always see the good in things
You can't see me though
You can't see how I'm feeling
You can't see your leaving me behind in a cloud of feelings of what's real
I need more
I need you
I need love
I need to know I am going to succeed
I need to know I am going to fail
I need to feel safe and not alone
I need to feel whats real
2006-11-17 02:15:59 · 20 answers · asked by Crystal Jewel 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
By the way its called YOU and I
2006-11-17 02:30:08 · update #1
Wow.. thats really pretty!!.. its kinda how people feel on some days!!.. keep writing!!.. things are hard to put into words and u put them well!!..
2006-11-17 02:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by ..... 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry, in my opinion your poem is bland, predictable and not at all exciting...it's really boring and all the "i need" makes you come off as, well, needy.
Terrible poem and I'm not just saying that to be mean
You have a long way to go
Read more poetry books
2006-11-17 02:21:51 · answer #2 · answered by whenrainbowscry 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nice poem. I like it.
I like writing poems too. Of course I think it good. This is your another world, a peaceful world, a dreamy world where you can express yourself completely, where you can ease your mind, where you can see all the beauties, etc. This is the world beyond the cruel reality.
2006-11-17 02:33:44 · answer #3 · answered by Freewind 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it is good so far, but you should probably do some proof reading...
here is mine:
A streaking tear,
A shinning blade,
A broken heart,
Love that never fades.
Pain that won't go away,
When pain becomes so great,
A fight for survival,
A battle against hate.
Wounds to deep to heal,
Pain no one else can feel.
Can it destroy me?
Before I am saved?
What more can I say,
Life in its misery.
Don't take me away.
written by,
Vanessa Plamondon-2001
i won alot of awards with this peom, including editors choice award and it is in a book, called imortal verses. check it out, it is filled with poems like these!!! you might like it, but good work!
2006-11-17 02:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by vgplamondon 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It leaves me confused since the person addressed in it either has or lacks some desired powers. So I miss the point of it.
It also doesn't scan correctly and has typos.
2006-11-17 02:22:17 · answer #5 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yeah, It's pretty good! I give it a 8 out of 10
2006-11-17 02:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by Beckerzz(: 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Not bad but needs work.
2006-11-17 02:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by Stacye S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. I give it a 9.
2006-11-17 02:21:08 · answer #8 · answered by J~Me 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Thats great! its like deep, but then its not deep.. you know? good job..... keep writing poems!
2006-11-17 02:21:38 · answer #9 · answered by Nichole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well in my neighborhood thats "rambling ",shakesphere is available at most librarys.
2006-11-17 02:28:56 · answer #10 · answered by swashbuckler82 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋