Women only...?

Question

I need some advice from a woman who is either pregnant or has been pregnant before. I am pregnant right now and of course I am a little emotional. I woke up this morning with a dirty tape in the tape player. I got upset and threw it away. I know our sex life hasn't been great but it hurt my feelings that I caught my husband watching this, especially since we have our own special tape that he could have watched. My feelings are really hurt and when he gets home from work I don't want to blow up on him but I am not handling this well. I was feeling very close to him and we hardly ever have any problems and I am afraid I won't feel as close to him and won't love on him as much because I am upset but I can't act like I don't know. What do I do?

NO RUDE ANSWERS!!!

Answer 1

i would feel the exact same way. the wise thing to do instead of blowing up at him is to talk to him calmly and explain to him how it makes you feel that he is doing this. it would be a different thing if it was the tape of the two of you. but if i was in your situation, to a certain extent it would sort of feel like "cheating" to me. i think you should just tell him how hurt this makes you feel. hormones during pregnancy are insane. he should understand and not get angry or upset about it.

Answer 2

Try to settle down first of all. The thing to consider is that your man is working right now with NO IDEA how you are feeling right now, or that you even know about the tape. So when he comes home, no matter what, don't attack him right away. He will turn it around to you blowing up at him before he has his shoes off. Then when he asks you about your day, or finishes blabbing on about his, tell him you are really upset by something and you need to talk to him. I know you're pregnant and so emotional and its hard to control the hormones and think straight, but you have to try, because he's going to be trying for you for the next 9 months (or however long you have to go). He loves you.

Answer 3

I went through something very similar. Im now 18 weeks pregnant, when i was about 10 weeks i found out that my partner had been looking at porn on the internet, and talking intimately with other women. I too felt very hurt, as it made me feel inadequate in a way and i couldn't understand why he was looking else where.
My first reaction was to get angry, which i did, and as usual it didnt help the situation in the slightest it made things worse, and i made my partner feel very guilty. So if you can try not to go down that road.
After the initial anger we talked about what he had done and i explained to my partner why i didn't like what he was looking at, and asked him what he would feel like if the tables were turned. This helped him to understand and he agreed that he wouldn't do it again while i was carrying his baby. After all there has been plenty of sacrifices i have had to make lately.
I think generally women find it hard not to get emotional over things like this, where as men see it as porn and dont really attach any emotion to it. The best thing i can reccomend to you is to talk to him and i dont think its unreasonable for you to ask him to stop, or at least not make it so obvious.

Answer 4

Take a deep breath and try to regroup. You've already acknowledged that the pregnancy is making you emotional, which is likely distorting your hurt feelings. He's new to this pregnancy thing too remember, and he may have felt uncertain about asking you for sex, or even about approaching you about his desire to watch a tape- any tape. Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was trying to consider your feelings. The end result didn't work out in a way that made you happy, but sure- approach him, let him know you haven't been in the mood lately, BUT........ and take it from there.

Answer 5

When I was pregnant with my daughter i would find the t.v. tuned to the scrambled porn channel and it would make me angry beyond belief. You can't blow up at him. I don't know if this was an ongoing part of your relationship before you were pregnant (watching videos). If it was and you would like to continue it I know it sounds gross and terrible but they do have movies that are made with pregnant woment in them, maybe you could try one of those. You need to calmly and rationally explain to your husband that it makes you uncomfortable while you are pregnant to have him watching women that you in no way can compare to or live up to the expectation of what they can do. You could go so far as to ask him to refrain from the whole thing while you are pregnant. I know it's hard, men just don't get it. Just don't be ashamed to tell him how you feel if you let it fester, yes, you will end up really angry, hurt, and you will start to reject him in all ways. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with everything.

Answer 6

You are just going to have to sit him down and calmly talk to him about how you feel. Men do not understand how women feel when they are pregnant. I am 17 weeks pregnant right now and my husband is quiet distant from me sexually. Our hormones are crazy right now. One minute we could drop our pants in a heart beat and the next we dont think we will have sex ever again. This is just a rough time for the both of you. Keep the communication open and you and your husband will get through this. Things will be back to normal soon.

Answer 7

I can understand how you feel. I got this way over a Playboy, that I had gotten for him as a gift!! I don't know what came over me but I felt unattractive, etc, etc. I love him and I know he loves me. Try to calmly talk to him about it and not making it sound dirty will probably help. Tell him that if he wants to watch movies like that that you two should make or watch your own. Tell him that you are going through a hard time adjusting to the "new" you and you need his support. Good luck, don't worry it's normal to feel like this.

Answer 8

You must calmly tell him what you found and how it made you feel. Don't yell or be angry. Then SHUT UP and listen to him talk and what he says. LIsten carefully and try to understand his feelings even more than you are involved in your feelings. HOnest communication will solve this. Don't act like he was bad or did something wrong. Just tell him "i found a sex tape in the player and i wondered about it".....don't be accusing or act like he is bad in any way. Just ask him to explain how he feels, when he watched it, what it means to him, etc AND LISTEN CAREFULLY to him, to understand him.

I had a hubby once who felt like he should not have sex with me when i was pregnant (i really wanted to) but it was his cultural bias. But i don't know what's going on with your hubby. but you need to find out

Answer 9

Don't be so hard on your husband. Men are like that. They can have a beautiful, smart, lovely woman at home but they can't keep their eyes (hopefully only their eyes) off other women, naked preferably. This is how God made them, always getting aroused by women, no matter how happy they are in their marital life. Many look for "dirty" pictures on the Internet, others watch movies, or go to special movie-theaters. Just ignore it if you can. It has nothing to do with you. I know its not an easy task, to ignore such behavior, but trust me, nothing will come out of you making a scene on this subject. They look at women, at cars at football games, they are boys and stay boys till they die and women just have to tolerate it, smile and ignore.

Answer 10

Relax. It's no reflection on you or your love/sex life. Most men watch these tapes once in a while...or even often.

If he's only watching, what's the harm? It's not like it was a tape of a GIRLFRIEND, was it?

Look, men like to LOOK. So do women.

So why can't he look? Give the guy a break.
He loves you. You're having his baby! His world is about to change, and so is yours. Let him have his comforts. It's a guy thing.