How do you change a sexless marriage?

Question

I need help... My marriage is ending fast! My son was born just over 8 months ago. While I was pregnant my husband was turned off by the whole thing, We had sex once. Since my son was born we had sex twice... once in August and once in September! I have tryed wear something sexy while just running around the house... Even walking around in nothing! NOTHING WORKS! I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling very bad about myself now and I don't know how to approach him about this! I'm not even sure if there is any hope of fixing our relationship... I feel like it's been too long! Please help... I'll take any advice I can!

Answer 1

Wow, a woman who wants sex after being married AND having a kid!

...Please hold while I dust myself off after falling on the floor.






WOW.






God am I envious!!!!!






Ummm, first off don't feel bad and blame yourself. Before having the baby you were your husbands wife. He married you, hopefully because he loves you, and obviously you aren't the one going through some type of problem here; he is.

For me, I couldn't wait to have sex after she had the baby. The waiting period drove me nuts (obviously one knows you can't just get right back at it for a while.) Things went to normal for about the first two love-making sessions, then she faded off like most moms and was more interested in the baby, had no time, etc.

I think the first thing that has to happen is to spend time with him. Not sexual at all, not leading, but from what I've heard in the past about people avoiding sex for one reason or another, it's not always based completely on sex itself.

I'm imagining there's something more to him not being interested. Some men say it's the fact that a woman's body changes. Yeah, that works for about a month, but sometimes they just can't get past it. Personally I think it's not a sex issue with you at all.

From guys I know, many of them feel like they have to lower their standards to have sex with a woman if she's gained weight, acts differently, etc.

But all in all she's the same person. For him not to notice that is probably more than frustrating, but he has to get a grip on how crappy he's making you while being stubborn and selfish.

Get out a funny movie, do something fun and enjoyable... No romance, sex, etc., just to let him know you still are that great, fun, happy person you always were.

It'll be infectious and sooner than later he'll adore all that ball of fun he's completely overlooked and hopefully things will get back to normal.

Physically, maybe if the above doesn't completely work (after about a month or so) snuggle up to him and start rubbing your crotch against his leg or on his knee. If he responds, great! If not, just keep doing it until you please yourself.

That'll probably stir his interest because he'll feel left out of all the action and he'll not be able to get a good nights rest until he himself can get off.

If he gets mad, who cares. His emotions right now are not directed at you and until he notices that, he's the odd man out - not you.


Best of luck!

Answer 2

Try starting something while you are in bed together... reach around and stroke his penis. most men can't say no to that.

However, I think this issue requires counseling. His concept of your body completely changed when you got pregnant. This is VERY COMMON for men! He sees you as a mother-figure now, NOT the sexy woman he married. Please suggest counseling - you don't have to end your marriage over this. he needs some help in relating to you as a mother and as a wife. I really hope he considers it, and you need to talk to him about it. All the sexy lingerie in the world isn't going to help if he is looking at you like a "mother" only and not a total woman. We can do all things - be sexy, have kids, be moms, career women - we can do it all.... but men can't always see it. Please, consider counseling, and I really hope he goes. You HAVE to know that he still desires sex, too... what man doens't... he just needs some help getting to the point where he feels OK about sleeping with you after this life changing event.

Answer 3

I hate to ask it .... But did you loose the weight you gained while you was pregnant? Then second question is did he go in the room while you were giving birth (that is a sight most men try to forget when the baby's head comes out).
Now here is the bad news, no man is ever turned off by sex. So if he is not having sex with you one or two things could be wrong.
1) He can have E.D. (Erectile Dysfunction)
2) He is having sex with somebody else (another woman, man, or his hand).

Answer 4

Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. Sometimes men don't get the subtle (or not so subtle) hints that women put out there. Perhaps he was emotionally scarred by the pregnancy somehow and is worried that you may get pregnant again. If the two of you can talk to each other and listen to one another it is never too late for anything. Please don't feel bad about yourself. It's not a "you" issue it's a "him" issue. If you can't communicate together I would suggest marriage counseling to get it going. I hope everything works out for the two of you.

Answer 5

are you in shape now? at what point did you notice him starting to change? I mean could it be that he didn't equate your showing a belly with having a baby a new life? Was he turned off just by your body during that time, or maybe your attitude, or maybe because you were doted upon by people? Or maybe he is jealous because you take more time now with your child? I don't know, but ask him and try to talk it out, and then try counseling. Sometimes you can't accomplish a re-bonding by yourself or yourselves. And, you need to know if he really wants to or not. All I know is that anyone watching Anna Nicole Smith video of having her child on tv might scare anyone. Maybe it's just the scare, maybe it's realizing he's responsible to take care of that new life for 18 years or more. Maybe it's just something someone said to him. You need to talk it out....then solve it.

I just read some of the other answers, and they are all superb!

Answer 6

I'd say that he needs counseling. Some men have a difficult time viewing there partners as sexual objects once children are born. I have heard of this before and the info said that counseling is effective in over 99% of these cases. Good Luck!

Answer 7

If sex is what defines your marriage that is sad. Because it really is a lot more than that and the lack of sex does not mean that your marriage is over.

Before you try counciling... Try telling him you'd like to have sex. Tell him it's been a while and you miss it. If he blows you off -- then ask him what's bugging him. If he tells you something that you can fix... then work towards it. If it's something that you can't do (or are unwilling to do) than seek counciling. He needs to be realistic/ reasonable too.

Answer 8

Try God & Counseling. If that doesn't work . . .then look for a courthouse because no 1 can live without love, sex & affection. Been there done that! Took the T-Shirt Back!

Answer 9

i was in the same situation and it this is what happened, My wife had out first child and at first she didnt want sex and i dealt with it for 9 months after our daughter was born. After that i came to a point in my life that i dont need her and resented her for doing that to me. It represed the love it didnt kill it that i had for her and i no longer wanted anything to do with her. What eventually happened was that when i didnt want to be aorund her, she started wanting me. Leave him alone, trust me, he knows you want him so there is no level of try for him so it pushes people away. Dont give him any and find activites away from him. It will get his mind wondering and the whole wanting of you will return. will come back

Answer 10

He may be stuck in what I call the "weeds syndrome". He sees you as a mother to his child, not as a sexy and sexual women. Explain to him how YOUR needs are being neglected.
Good luck-