husband in the military had an affair with another military (woman)I want somthing done,please advise?

Question

my family is hurting because of this senseless act.... I have 4 little children. And niether of them though about their loves ones. He didnt think about his wife and family and she didnt think about her man in IRAQ.

Answer 1

Well, if you want vengence-you can take this incident to his chain of command, but is that really what you want to do? If you two get divorced-a reduction in rank may not be in your children's best interest...and this would just cause bigger problems later on down the line-think of it this way, he may not have been thinking about his family when he did this-but you could be "the bigger man" and think about your family in resolving this issue. The first thing I would do is contact the Chaplain Family Life Center at your post/base. Talk to a counseler there-you need to do this!! They can also help you with any info you need, pulling the hubby in for some couseling together would not be a bad idea either. I do not believe in cheating, but you two have children together-even if divorce is the way you need to go-some sort of resolution needs to be made between the two of you for their sake. I can not even imagine what I would do in your situation-deployments are beyond difficult, but that does not make cheating right! My heart goes out to you and your family!! I hope this helps!!

Answer 2

Yes, it was senseless and I understand your hurt. Do you still love him? I know you are hurting but give it thought. What he's done is very wrong but he is in a different world. I am not making excuses - no way. Just trying to make a point. He is going thru alot right now, being over there, risking his life. Maybe talk to someone, a therapist, get your head together, then decide what you want to do. With four little children, and this thrown on you, it can't be easy. I feel for you. I hope you can work past this. Even if it means you get a divorce. Take your time on this decision honey, I hope the best for you. God bless.

Answer 3

Your first step would be to call his command and report it. Don't bother with JAG, the command can take care of all the support issues as well as punishing him under the UCMJ for adultery. Before you do any of this though, be sure you can PROVE it...allegations alone will not be enough to push the issue. As far as JAG helping you with the divorce as others have mentioned...they won't. JAG does not involve themselves in civil issues. At best they will recommend someone out in town, they can also help secure a military restraining order if there is evidence of abuse, that's about all though. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Well it depends on how much you want done? You can go and get advise from a military lawyer and if you wanted to she can start pressing charges for you.Then not only he gets divorce papers from you them the military will step in and then it will go infront of jag and they might press charges them selves.But it is kind of a win loose situation because if you want a divorce then you will get it but then the kids will not have a father.you could always go to the base chaplin and he will direct you to seek a lawyer or seek family counsiling.Now the ball will be in your court.Hope you and your kids will be safe it will be a bumpy road either way. good luck...

Answer 5

I realize you are upset -- who wouldn't be? It's your right... but don't dwell on it. Give yourself a little time to grieve... then stop. Decide whether you want to fix this... and objectively identify steps to improving your marriage. Don't do this for your kids. Your marriage is between you and your husband. If you can't find a way to forgive him... it won't matter that you are doing this for your kids. If you can forgive... then your kids will benefit from your example and will come around eventually. Both you and your husband have to want your marriage to work. If it doesn't... well then you know where you stand. Always look to the future with a positive outlook. Be constructive with your approach.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Yes it was selfish on his part, No one deserves to be cheated on, But things like that do happen..Sorry to say and its the husband/wife and CHILDREN, Who have to suffer for the there screw-up..Not fair i know..There is hope if you want to continue on in the marriage, You can go forward and deal with this, its not going to be easy for a while but it may be worth if thats what you truly want is to make the marriage work..Being in the Service can take a toll on someone with everything thats going on in the world today,But still no excuse for cheating..he made a bad decision..And its up to you on what you can deal with..I wish you the best of luck..

Answer 7

If you bring it up to the Commander, both of them will be demoted and take a salary cut. This may hurt you and the kids though. Best bet is the both of you seek counsilling, if you have the slightest idea of getting over it. If not, divorce is the only option.

Answer 8

Best thing to do would be to divorce him. Getting him in trouble with his command will hurt you and those kids even more. If they reduce his rank or throw him in the brig then you don't get Child Support. Been there done that with my X husband.

Answer 9

I disagree with the woman who said it's not something you should hover over his head. S c r e w that! You make it hover over his head until you get your fill of it. In the meantime, divorce him. It's Biblical, and it's the right thing to do if you can't forgive him.

Answer 10

Not making excuses for him, but stuff like that happens. Why do you want something done. Either you forgive him and move on, or leave him. Kids or not its not something to hover over his head. sorry just my opinion.