Ex-husband problems, how to deal....?

Question

So we've been divorced for about ten months now, and yes we do have two children together. But often times when he calls here it's not to talk to the children, it's to "chit-chat" with me. I've no idea how to handle this at all. My boyfriend gets upset, and while I know I should tell the ex... if it's not about the kids then don't call, I am worried that if I say that he will stop seeing his kids. He does have a habit of being very inconsistent with them and taking it out on them when he is mad at me. So on the one hand, I don't want to tell him to leave me alone for fear of pissing him off and interrupting his relationship with his kids, but on the other hand I really have nothing to say to him and don't want him calling here like that to talk to me about things and I really hate that my boyfriend is being upset by this, but I don't blame him, I'd be upset as well.

Then yesterday he called and said to me "why don't you give me a call sometime. I'm always the one calling you, it feels like I'm stalking you!" And I just said okay, but really I'm not going to call him unless it has to do with the kids. What the hell should I do?

Answer 1

this is a tough one. its hard to find your balance after a divorce. do you think he wants you back or is he trying to maintain some kind of friendship? i think you should just tell him. if he severs contact with the kids then maybe thats not such a bad thing for them. why should they have to deal with a sometimes dad who doesnt put them first? if he is that immature then maybe they are better off. it is hard to make decisions that may do harm on your kids especially when they are too young to truly understand. my ex does the same thing. i just limit the contact as much as possible. also when he calls, you could just put one of the kids on the phone. eventually he would get the point. good luck.

Answer 2

Wow....what a complicated situation...but doesn't have to be.
First you have to tell ex to stop calling if it is not about the kids. You have to tell the boyfriend t chill and that you will handle it. (he will not be the next man you marry I promise so what he feels and wants right now is irrelevant).
It's okay if your ex gets mad and your boyfriend, but NOT if the ex hurts the kids, that is not okay.
If you fear for your kids you need to contact the authorities and take away his access to them. If he "takes it out on them" they are better off with him out of thier lives, really...
Protect your kids, treat the ex as an ex and let the boyfriend chips fall where they may. The ex is just still trying to have control over you, take your power back. I think it's too soon to have a boyfriend now, you really need to take care of your kids.....goood luck. be strong, don't let the bullies get you.

Answer 3

The problem here is your relationship is abnormal. It's abnormal to have kids with someone and not have them around to be their parent and your spouse. There is biological programming that is telling him that he has responsibilities to you and to them as a family.

Men have two ways of getting their genes into the world. They either sleep around with many low quality women and don't invest anything in the children that come of that or they marry one high quality woman and stay around to make sure those children have the best possible chance. The worst possible outcome is when a man invests himself with a low quality woman who then breaks their union. Because the breaking of that union ALWAYS boils down to the fact that she is not the type of woman that such a commitment is appropriate for. What he is supposed to do in that situation is realize his mistake and immediately abandon them so that he can either return to screwing other low quality women or find himself a high quality one.

What he is doing instead, is denying the situation and attempting to deal with you as a high quality woman which means investing himself in you and your kids. It's a package deal. You really can't have one without the other.

Eventually, he will figure it out and vamoose. Probably, what will happen is a high quality women will hook up with him, notice what he is doing and browbeat him into getting rid of you guys so he can focus on her.

Note that your boyfriend, if he is less than clueless, is paying CLOSE attention to how you interact with the ex and with him. How you behave will determine if he stays or if he just uses you as a piece of azz and then takes off after awhile. I mean, if you are just going to do the same thing to him, as you did to the ex, then move on to yet another guy, having a kid each time as you do, then there is zero reason for him to invest in you. You belong to the "screwing many low quality chicks" paradigm. He is carefully evaluating you to try and figure out which type of girl you are.

And you already have 2 strikes against you.

Answer 4

you got to tell him how you feel !!!!! by letting him talk to you on the phone you are making him think he as hope of having a relationship with you. which if this is not what you want ??? it will make you unhappy. As for pissing him off interrupting his relationship with his kids your kids will be unhappy if this should carry on as your mood affects your kids and both you and your ex could be hurt more if this is not stop now as it will blow up sooner rather than later only you know were your heart go and you must strong for your self and your kids good luck!!!!

Answer 5

When he calls an its not about the kids make up a excuse to get off the phone..( ie someones calling on the other line, it's really a bad time right now, I was in the middle of something, i was on the other line, i was just on my way out the door) .After a couple of times he'll get it.

Answer 6

I think that the only thing that you should talk about with your ex is your kids. There should not be an extended relationship with him.

You are divorced now and he is your ex.

Answer 7

If you are going on with your own life, just say it straight to him "I don't want to talk to you" and state it clear by cutting him from opening diffrent subject away from the kids issues.