what right do you have to expect your visits to be reciprocated?
what could you do to try to alter the situation?
could you be happy being friends with someone who hardly ever came to your house, when you visit them regularly.?
or is it a disrespectful behaviour to which the only proper response should be a tit for tat cutting off of contact...
or should you jettison the friendship as worthless, if the other shows you such little respect?
has anyone broached this topic with a friend or is this one of the taboos of friendship....which would cause you to "lose face" just to bring attention to it in conversation.
2006-11-17 00:12:06 · 15 answers · asked by catweazle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hello Cat,
I do in fact think it's give and take. It's hard when you don't get the same response from a friend and also hard if you aren't sure whats expected from you. It might be that your friend doesn't visit because they aren't as impulsive as you, and need to be invited. They may just be busy and fit pleasure into their lives infrequently.
When people don't respond to me I just think it's because they don't have the same depth of feeling as I do for them and realise I shouldn't expect people to feel the same way about me as I do about them. I suppose that friendships are on different levels. I always want depth lol and most of all Truth, although i could change my mind lol
I hate the thought of jettisoning people though, however if you realise someone doesn't really like you whats the point in going on. Value the people who do have depth of feeling for you.
I don't know how you could alter the situation though, because it seems to me people rarely change in response. You need to attempt to get the truth from this person. But in a way that's open honest and true. Not by manipulation. I really think it's important to have a truthfull honest basis, I don't think relationships can have any depth when there are secrets. And also to really know a person you have to have knowledge of each other. One sided knowledge doesn't work. Relationship is a passing of information one to another in a free will response. x
2006-11-17 00:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by : 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i visit my friend more in her house than she does here, she has 3 kids, i have one it's easier for me.. but i think it doesn't really matter, the main thing is u see each other.. a lot of my friends live really far away from me, and we don't see each other often at all, but it's the calls, e mails and texts that count, even if there are weeks and months between them. a real friend doesn't count who visit's calls texts more, a real friend is just there, a real friend cares.. it's someone that u know will be there for u no matter what, at whatever time of the day or night no matter how long u haven't been in contact..
that's what makes a true friend..
i don't know how old u are but i think that the above thoughts are very childish and if this sfriendship means anything to u, u'll continue visiting ur friend... no matter what!
2006-11-17 01:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time you visit them, invite them to your house for dinner. Arrange a time and date then take it from there. You seem upset by the situation but dont take it too harsh, some people love for everyone to flock around them but they have'nt got the decencey to make time for others.
I f he fails to show up then just dont bother again. He may need you before you need him. You sound as though you are a good and loyal person. Give him one last chance.Dont beat yourself up about it. This will be a good opportunity to find out if it is a genuine friendship.
2006-11-17 02:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by dollybird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know my Mr do you?
He NEVER goes to peoples houses. If anyone wants to come over he will accommodate, just do not expect him to go to your home. This is the way he is....
Disrespectful? I do not no about this? He is not real social, if he knows you and you are friends he will give you all the money out of his wallet, all you need to do is ask. You need anything my Mr. will be the first one to help.....if you are his friend. He just doesn't do the visiting thing. If it were not for having to go do chores and errands after work, he would not go anywhere. He likes it at home.
I might even get him to go to families for the holidays, maybe?
I know a gal who comes over when she is in town. To drive the 2 hours to her house is just to far away....
2006-11-17 00:29:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many reasons y your friend may not be going to your house. I have had friends over, but don't go to their house because I have two kids...they would trash the other person's house very easily, so I accept visitors, or we meet in a public place. This is a sign of respect for my friend's child free house. While there are other friends that I view more as acquaintances. They are nice to talk to, but not in my small circle of friends that I seek out when I need that special friend.
2006-11-17 00:22:10 · answer #5 · answered by camandizmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
True friendship does not ask questions about who gives and who receives. It does not say, "If I visit you, you should visit me too." True friends understand and accept you as you are whether you are giving back or not what they have given you. Understand your friend. In fact, he may have good reasons why. Yes, it will help if you ask him. Not to accuse him of not reciprocating, but to ask what more could you do for him. That is TRUE friendship dear. Unconditional.
2006-11-17 00:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend (who used to be my best friend) but I always make the afford to call, try to pop in. Now she is no longer my best friend - only a friend,I will help her if she needs help, but that is about it, I will not ask help or ring her again unless she change her attitutes. It is not worth the afford if they do not value your friendship as much as you do. Relationship in any kind need two way things, otherwise do not work. Find other friends. Lifes must go on...
2006-11-17 00:51:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lilu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why return a visit unless someone asks you to? I have a friend that visits me all the time and I have only been to her house 1 in 5 years. She aint complaining. I aint either lol.
2006-11-17 00:24:05 · answer #8 · answered by sweetre2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I dont. I have been on both sides. I have few friends who never visit me but I do & some whom I never visit but they do. I think we should never expect our visits to be reciprocated. If you enjoy visitng your friend, Do so. Dont read too much into nothing & lose a good friend!
2006-11-17 00:23:10 · answer #9 · answered by Mock-mast 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does it matter? So what if they dont visit you at your home. Are they trying to tell u something?
This question is far too complex for me. Just be yourself
2006-11-17 00:18:20 · answer #10 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋