Rushing to the finish line,
Never keeping track of time
As the days pass, so do the weeks
Months and years, the clock ticks.
Never looking at today,
And always planning for one day
As if one day will always come,
So you say why bother with this one.
Never took a look around,
And paid attention to each sound
Never looked up at the sky,
And admired the birds fly
Never looked down at the ground,
And saw the ants carry a pound
Never stoped to realize,
Your life is fading before your eyes
Just a minute in a day,
Is not too much to take away
Just to see what life is worth
On this place that we call Earth.
Everything will one day pass
So try and make the moments last
Good or bad, things go away
All of them will end one day.
It’s your choice to take the time
Before you reach your finish line.
2006-11-17 00:06:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes....I wrote it...A few minutes ago sitting on my balcony with a spliff and my coffee trying to figure out my bills for the month...It just came to me...I don't know if it's to dramatic or....etc...
2006-11-17 00:23:29 · update #1
FOR THE OVERANYLYZERS that answered so far or plan to:
I know I asked for your opinions but that doesn’t mean you have to OVERANYLYZE the dam thing…. It’s just something that came to me and I put it on paper. Although NeNuphar’s comments are grammatically correct, that is not what I was trying to achieve. Changing it around so it fits poem “criteria” would only ruin it. SO IN SHORT… no need to overanalyze...
2006-11-17 00:51:47 · update #2
Very thought-provoking! Great job!
2006-11-17 00:21:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, my opinion you shall have:
You should decide on exactly how much of this should rhyme perfectly, or maybe most of it should be graceful, flowing words instead. If you can make the graceful flowing words rhyme, then you are a professional, but many amateurs make their work sound great by doing either or. For example: In the third stanza it seems like you tried too hard to rhyme everything. Just because the last words of two lines rhyme, that doesn't make them sound good. So what I would do is use real, descriptive words whether it rhymes or not.
Also, you changed tense in the middle. Is this past or present-time? And each line should have almost the same length, the same beat. Same number of syllables. Like:
"Never take a look around, never really hear the sounds.
Walk too fast to see the ground, like an ant who hauls a pound.
"Never wonder at the sky, don't care how the birdies fly.
That's what I would do.
Love that last line, though. Things do go away.
The message is great, but more people will remember if it's artfully done.
2006-11-17 00:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by Nénuphar 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
that is so true. we need take the time and look around us. we are always in a rush to do something
2006-11-17 00:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by lover of Jehovah and Jesus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the fact of life wonderfully put in words .. did u write this ??? definitely made me do a double check on how i live my life ...
2006-11-17 00:19:49 · answer #4 · answered by edifiz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
GREAT!!!!!! I love it. Did you write that? Good job if you did...
2006-11-17 00:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by sandymisitano 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋