I been in an unhappy marriage for 20 years, I have an 18, 16 and 11 years old boys. This is the second time I will ask for my divorce, the first time I gave up for my boys. I been living so lonely. My husband is a very nice guy but he is too busy for me, we don't communicate, we don't enjoy life together, we don't have sex since 3 years ago. I been feeling so lonely and empty in this marriage . Two years ago I met a wonderful man who just divorce for me, he has been all what I had looked in a husband, he gives me all what husband can't. He adores me, he listen to me, we had great communication, I feel more confortable and very happy with him that with husband. I been in this relation with husband just for my boys, but they are big enough. I am not getting any younger 45 years and I know I have a chance to be happy really happy. I want a divorce certainly, but should I tell husband that I love another man? will that be better or worse? and how can I break it to him? I need advice
2006-11-16 23:32:06 · 17 answers · asked by getting_a_new_life 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What troubles you right now is the uncertainty of your husband's reaction and the first wave that will come after that.
But, you cannot keep it the way it is. Move. You have decided. Life can only become better and your children happier. You will shine once again. You have the love and support of your children.
You know better your husband than all people here you ask for advice. You have to decide if you want to try to "remain" as friend to the father of your children, assuming that he is not an imature compulsive macho, in which case you would have trouble. As you say, your husband has been consumed by his career, and time ate it all there was... He has had the obligation to notice your unhappiness long ago... A divorce could help him too, to wake up. Besides, with three wonderful kids the two of you have, a nonworking marriage itself, today is not a big social - religious issue as it was some decades ago.
The first thing that will cross through your husband's mind is that you might be having someone else. He might ask you that right away. He will be in a shock for some time. He will find about the other man anyway. Just prepare a rhetorical reply to the first wave.
What do you think?
2006-11-17 00:48:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Still in the trial and error period after 8 years, yes, I sometimes question his intentions or I should say, believe it is what he wants. Yes, there is some risk I feel, but the whole concept of this is that jealously has no place in a loving relationship, Jealousy is self defeating emotion that can and will manifest into a failed relationship! I am not saying we don't own the twinge of jeaulousy as someone else catched the eye of our beloved. What I am saying is to put that aside and give of yourself and we seriously have no reason to search for a replacement, in fact you are the one we have been looking for all of our life. I get to have fun with sex! We try silly stuff, make funny faces, noisy and we can laugh and enjoy some unexpected orgasms along the way! we have amazing interludes, some quite funny connections, pros to me is that I am very much loved and adored by my husband-and get to play and have a good time enjoying my sexuality with absolutely no strings attached, nothing more than just goofing around, trying new things-some , not a hit, others a home run! I had affairs in my previous marriage , not even a desire or consideration! My husband could not be replaced and I have no need to search for greener pastures..I am a little nervous about our upcoming adventure, because he is a person I have never met before but have texted and emailed since 2006. I am excited and appreciative he is welcoming this fantasy meet, could be a flop- but just the fantasy and acting out the fantasy will bring me home to my husband hotter than a June Bride!
2016-03-17 03:56:32 · answer #2 · answered by Paula 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it would probably be worse but then you can cite adultery as a reason for divorce. can't you get a divorce and have him contest it?
i would be careful though, people aren't always what they seem. this new guy may not be what you think after he makes you go through a divorce, he might change.
then again, maybe not. since you are not happy in your marriage anyway, i would do it. just tell your husband that you are getting a divorce because you are an adulterer (well i don't know did you actually do anything with this other guy, if not you can't say that) but if he wants to contest it he can. however you are serious about this and you will be leaving soon. that's all you can do. maybe now he's fed up as well. maybe not. you never know unless you try.
2006-11-16 23:42:57 · answer #3 · answered by pikachu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think telling your husband that you are in love with another man will help your situation. I think you need to finish off the relationship with him, tell him how unhappy you are and that you really want a divorce. My Brother went through the same situation and the whole family suffered. But just ask for the divorce, he is a grown man and needs too understand that he is not making you happy any longer and that you want to move on. If he really loves or Loved you once he will not fight the divorce. Don't mention your other relationship.
2006-11-16 23:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by LuNis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to get on with your life and be happy file for that divorce sister!! Why stay in an unhappy relationship it is all over for you anyway and there is no love being shared here. The children are old enough and you never should have put off the divorce for them, they would have been alright if you had left years ago. I left my marriage after 15 years of problems my children were 10, 11, & 14 they tell me now I should have left way before that and why did I wait?? I was in love with their father even with all the trouble we had and I felt it was better to stay for them but now they tell me they have troubled relationships because of my past and how I taught them to deal. So take that step and move on I am sure things will turn out ok in the end. You are not alone we are all in there with you.
~Good Luck~
2006-11-17 00:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Don't tell him because that will ruin his confidence for the rest of his life.
2. But continue with your divorce proceeding. Consult a family law attorney for his legal advice. They offer good ways to get you out of marriage. You want to make it a smooth divorce, not a bitter one.
3. Don't ever get Mr. Wonderful involved under all circumstances. It will only worsen the situation.
4. Make sure Mr. Wonderful is really the right one for you before you dissolve your marriage with husband.
Good luck!
2006-11-16 23:52:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not at all a good idea, There is a communication gap in you and your husband. You must tell him what all you want. Life after marriage is not for us, its for our children. We have to sacrifice so many things for them as now its their time and we really dont want to spoil their life by indulging in Divorce issues. Think of all that, its not always personnel pleasure all the time. I suppose if you talk all this with your hubby, he will realize and then both of you to get some viable option to live or to part. I pray that your marriage remains.
2006-11-16 23:56:23 · answer #7 · answered by Paassion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why have you not had sex in three years? What are you waiting for. It sounds like you copped the I'm here for the kids and quit being married long ago. Where is your input? You gave up and blame your own inattention for this. Just in case no one told you, you are a cheat and a liar. Why are you worried about him now? Lay your pain on him flat out. Why stop now. You've been dealing in unhappiness for a while now anyway.
What happens to your 11 year old?
2006-11-17 00:17:09 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do what you feel. I know the fact I came from a divorce family and I had a hard time with my parents when they going through a divorce.
Now 20 years later I have own family and you know what? I care less about your so call "marriage" then about your kids. What ever you go going on the side out side your marriage is less important then your kids.
Ask them how they feel you bring a man home for sex?
2006-11-16 23:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't tell your husband you met someone. I would go through with the divorce. What a sad situation for everyone involved, especially your sons.
2006-11-17 00:05:36 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋