Is this cheating?

Question

I have been married for 7 years and have 5 kids. 2 yrs ago I found out that the hubby had tried it on with 2 of my mates, 1 told him off, the other was in her nighty and they shared a passionate kiss though what that means I don't know. I found out through them, as he just carried on as normal. I was allowed 1 pm of discussion/arguing never 2 be bought up again. 2 weeks ago he went out alone and I think he has done it again, this time to a 19 yr old (hes 37). He's said nothing, shes acting funny. Apparently he spent his pm stating how beautiful she is!!! I think I'm goin mad please help me sort my head out, I don't know what to do next as I have the kids 2 consider as well. thankyou

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

This is a classic case of the "seven-year itch!" Although the word love is not mentioned, I presume that you still love your man. You must therefore do your best to save your marriage although I do not think that the relationship you mentioned has reached the stage when a breakup is imminent. For yourself and the kids, try reasoning with him again. Men do go astray and while he is obviously in the wrong, I think too that you should also analyse as to what might be the reasons for matters to come to such a head. Ask yourself whether he is still the man you want to spend your life with and ask him too. If you even think that after all the discussions that he might still continue the way he does, then you must seriously consider whether he deserves another chance to mend his ways. If you cannot tolerate should be detract again, then to lessen your own pain and painful as this may seem, it may be time to consider separation, or even divorce, the latter the absolute last step. If all else fails, your conscience is clear to take whatever drastic step you should, for your own sake as well as the kids'. I want you also to remember that this sort of itch does go away - naturally or through and by you. Give it a try. Save your marriage.

Answer 3

How far are you prepared to let him go? Is it OK that he's had a passionate kiss with your friend while she was in her nightie?

Is it Ok for him to tell you that you can no longer discuss something?

I think it's time you started to make your case quite clear to him. If he doesn't like the fact that you are concerned about the future between you and the future of the kids, that can only be because you are threatening to take away a part of his lifestyle which you find unacceptable. A very selfish and arrogant attitude.

I assume your kids are still relatively young. I know many people, myself included, who come from broken homes when they were young. There is one unanimous thought that all children have when they grow up and that is that they wish they hadn't been lied to when they were younger. We care less about the cause of separation than the manner in which our parents dealt with it.

There does not appear, at the moment, to be a great deal of respect in this family - respect to you, respect for the children - at the moment, and that, above all else, is what you want for and from your children in later years.

Do the right thing. Confront your husband. Lay down your rules (which are not unacceptable), and ACT on them.

The very best of luck. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 4

Have you ever heard of the 7 year itch? 50% of marriges end around the 7 year mark, because the guy gets the itch. It happened to me. I was cheated on and found out about it in our 7th year of marrige. We have a son. I could not leave because of our son. It took me two years to finally feel like I am over the pain of what happened. I still don't trust him . He has been trying so hard to win back my trust. He does call if he is late from work. He has bought me nice jewlery . He takes me out. More attentive.. etc. This all depends on your Beliefs. Morals. It takes a very strong person to forgive infidelity. I have been through way worse in my life and even though the pain of being cheated on is harsh- I have suffered much worse. I also believe that since We had a child, it is my responsibility to my son to not leave. He loves his Dad so much and His Dad loves him so much. I felt like I didn't have a choice , yes, I also didn't have the money to live on my own. That also makes a difference in one's choice. I did have family , that I could have lived with, but I am too old for that. When you face your problems with courage you become so strong and you learn so much, this is with all life. More of us need to consider the hard road. God bless, Good Luck.

Answer 5

This seems at bit strange, but you need to sit him down and say, I need some straight answers, because you obviously don't respect or like me because if you did you wouldn't be a) trying to get with my mates and b) telling some 19 yr old that you think that she is beautiful.

See what he says to this and if he is all defensive you know that there is more to it, but you know him and you know how he is. However to me it would seem that even though he might not have cheated it would seem that given half the chance he will.

You have to children to consider and it might be worth you saying to him that if things don't improve you want him to leave the house just so that you can think things through probably. This is because to me it seems that he is playing games and this just is not right

Answer 6

With 5 kids you really don't have much of an option. That is why being a little conservative on the fertility is always prudent. Most men with such large families wouldn't have time to mess around, sounds like yours has an macho problem and if he isn't flaunting it he doesn't feel like a man. It is time to close the workshop and start working on a strategy to get along without him when he decides his next honey is a keeper. Obviously he doesn't want to stick around.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he's fooling around. You say you were 'allowed' 1 'pm' of discussion/arguing-then you were never to bring it up again. Excuse me???? He's the one that's done wrong-and HE'S laying down the rules to you about how YOU are supposed to react??? I'm not saying constantly throw it in his face-that won't help anything. But you should be able to calmly bring it up and tell him that he had damaged your trust,and he is not doing anything taht would help build your trust up again.
I would also speak to the 19 year old-be calm and rational with her,let her know that yes,you are upset-but at him-and you need to know the truth. Good luck-you deserve so much better.

Answer 8

What does your gut instinct tell you? I think that he likes to keep you at home whilst he plays the man about town. Are you prepared to be second best in his books? If this gets out of hand the children will be affected anyway? The fighting will teach them that's how things go when you are together, if you have son's they will think it is ok to play the field and if you have daughter then they will think that it is normal to be a doormat and not too expect much - sorry but you really have to ask these questions of yourself - i have seen to many friends affected this way

Answer 9

Cheating is anything you would not do in front of your spouse. Even if a person did not actually have sex, by what you have described they cheated in their heart, which is also cheating.

He will continue to do this until he does have sex. You need to get an attorney now. He can guide you through the process, and your spouse will have to pay your attorney.

Apparently he has a low self esteem, and is trying to prove his desirablity since he is approaching 40 years old.

Don't put up with this abuse. Life is too short.

Wishing you the best.

Answer 10

Harsh as it may seem he has betrayed the honesty in the relationship. He seems to be on a mission with a piece of string attached betwen his legs pullinghim this way and that. The defensiveness and not willing to discuss suggests even more the guilt. Time to face him and give an untimatum or two ......you haveto know whatyou really want....

Answer 11

Isnt it sad how people dont realise how good they have got it, lovely wife, kids etc.
i think they get bored and distracted and play away but if you done something about it and left him im sure he would be devastated and realise how much he loves you, maybe he needs a wake up call and for you to do something about it.
If this isnt the case you should get on with your life and find someone who deservesyou, the kids will be happier with a content mum they pick up when you aint happy.
God blessxx