im getting out the service, and he is staying in. he wont even look at me, or talk to me. he acts as if he is very mad at. and it kinda bothers me, that he is treating me as if we dont know one another. why cant he just say bye, and nice knowing you buddy.
2006-11-16 20:49:55 · 11 answers · asked by lovely 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Been there, done that. I had a very close male friend do the same thing to me. And the ironic thing is that I knew he treated other buddies of his like this, when they moved on themselves -- so I really knew what I was getting myself into when we became friends.
Sometimes the friendship exists only in the here and now for men -- in a context of school, the service, a job, etc. Out of that context, the friendship doesn't exist for these people.
Some guys don't want to show their true emotion (sadness) when a friend is leaving and instead show another (anger).
Some guys are homophobic and don't want to give the slightest indication that they were close friends with another man (on a platonic level) because they or others would interpret that as "not normal" for men.
I'd talk to him about it. That is sometimes difficult to do because many times we guys don't talk over things when we are friends, especially emotional type things. He may be feeling sort of abandonned because you are leaving, going back home to take up where you left off. He may secretly want you there until he himself goes home. If at all possible, if you can have a private, safe place to talk, do so before you leave. Tell him what you have told us. You may not get everything out of that meeting that you want, but at least you will have some type of closure.
Once again, we guys reading your post know what you are going through. We are men and have experienced the same thing with other men. Friendships made in places like the service, school, etc. are sometimes some of the closest friendships a man will ever make. We don't want to give them up. We want our buddies to come back and live by us, but that is not always possible.
Rest assured though, you will meet other guys who will be your buddies once you return home. It's like there is this giant plan for each of us -- someone is watching over us and will provide us with a new set of friends, no matter if we later marry, move to another part of the country, or even when we are older and possibly living in a nursing home. That instinct to interact with others and make friends (especially with other men, who validate us) is always there -- but there is also some unseen force watching over us that helps us gather a bunch of supportive people around us to help us through life.
2006-11-16 21:16:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-15 16:04:30 · answer #2 · answered by sabra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal for people to push away when they know they have to say good-bye. It's a self-preservation thing. It's also sounds like he may have some feelings that he may not want to acknowledge.
2006-11-16 20:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nickie N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to distance himself to not feel the pain of you leaving. He doesn't want to embarrass himself by getting emotional in front of the others.Take him somewhere alone and let him tell you how he feels (if he can) Alot of people hold in those kind of feelings to spare themselves the pain. Take him out for a beer and you'll see, good luck!
2006-11-16 20:59:20 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His behavior is like putting on an armour of self protection. He will miss you. He is hurting. Say goodbye and "nice knowing you buddy".
2006-11-16 20:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is probably going to miss you... and he doesnt want to show it. sometime people think its easier to say goodbye to someone your close to if your angry. i would confront him and let him know that he needs to stop being a brat... that you guys are friends and you can keep in touch one way or another.
2006-11-16 21:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by lacefranks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, some people are tht type, they think tht if given th silent treatment, u'll change ur mind, or it could be tht since ur leaving he'd rather get on with his life or maybe he's not good at 'goodbyes'
2006-11-16 20:56:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is losing a good friend and it is too painful to say goodbye.tell him you will write him.or he may be jealous because he wish he was leaving.
2006-11-16 20:55:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he likes you more and it hurts to say g'bye.
2006-11-16 20:55:52 · answer #9 · answered by Nicky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
feelings a little more complicated than that
2006-11-16 21:18:21 · answer #10 · answered by jac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋