I found out two years ago that my husband (of 4 years) had an affair with one of my best friends a month after we married. He said it was a mistake and we have worked hard to keep it togather. The effects have been longlasting. Ive worked full time to put him through college. I want to be a good wife. I am having a hard time letting go of my anger about it. The affair seemed to reaffirm every insecuirty I had tried to squash. It seems that he is into me and he treats me very well. It just seems like there is a wall between us and I cant get over it. Any advice would be great!
2006-11-16 20:47:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish that I could type something that would make you feel better about things. What I cant believe is that one month into your marriage he cheated! Damn him. It is not exactly like after twelve years of marriage the two of you drifted apart and he had an affair... he only lasted one month. That is very insulting. This is unfair for you because he cheated and you are the one who is still trying to make peace with it and move on. I commend you for trying to make it work and I hope he is faithful to you now... the only idea I have is this... get some group counseling... not great and a broken record as far as life goes. You did not mention whether or not the two of you have kids- that makes it harder to leave but the truth is if two years removed you are still struggling with this then maybe it is too much for you to accept. People can do all kinds of selfish things but nothing is as hurtful as infidelity. Always respect yourself enough to be with a man worthy of you. Ask yourself this... If you had found out about the affair two weeks after it happened instead of two years, what would you have done then... that is probably the right answer... Never too late to believe in you!
2006-11-16 21:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. You are a good woman to forgive and try to make your marriage work. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to and especially if had been with a best friend and only a month after marriage. Of course it was a mistake but how can you trust again? I'd be torn with suspicion whenever he wasn't home on time, etc. That in itself is torment I'm sure. Is this something he confessed to you? If he did, that was cruel after so much time had gone by. You don't say if there are kids by this marriage. If not, I'd take a hike I'm sorry to say. I don't think counseling would even help. They say, "once a cheater, always a cheater."
2006-11-16 21:01:45 · answer #2 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling would be a good start. You can't keep the feelings balled up inside of you because they will just keep building and building and one day you will explode. If you really want to try to make things work going to counseling will help determine if the marriage is salvagable. But remember, both parties have to be totally committed to making it work. He has to want it too. It's easier to forgive than to forget. Things like that can take years to get over, if you even can. Communication between you and your husband is key. Best of luck!
2006-11-16 21:00:56 · answer #3 · answered by ddbach1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh dear i feel so sad for you. it's an awful thing to have lost your trust for someone you love.
no doubt you still love him, but at what price i wonder.
if you discussed this 2 years ago, do you think you can talk about it with him again? do you feel he has done it again, or is thinking about it? you need to get your fears and insecurities out into the open, so you can better deal with them.
i don't think squashing feelings are the way to go, instead it's far better to talk with hubby and try to work through them. you've been strong and done so before, so there's no reason why you can't do this now.
(my flippant advice would be to have your own affair to even up the score, but that's my stupid male logic for you. besides this wouldn't work as it would just add another dimension to the whole problem and make thing worse. So please don't do this ok).
anyway, best of luck to you both.
2006-11-16 20:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by pugsbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got continuously felt very negatively approximately cheating, yet much greater so because of the fact I have been given married. I even have 0 tolerance for infidelity. i'm no longer likely to freak out over slightly flirting, yet something greater is only no longer ok. My husband feels the comparable.
2016-10-15 16:04:23 · answer #5 · answered by sabra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're still hurt and can't trust this long after, will you ever? If you won't ever then why does it matter if he's into you or treats you well? Counseling is a good suggestion, but if you find you can't get past this, it may be time to move on.
2006-11-16 21:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him really you will forgive him because no one is perfect and you are a good person for giving your marriage a chance especially after something like that take time for your relationships because some times people stray from there loved one because they may feel negleted. blame your friend also because she new you were married. it is working out at the present he loves you
2006-11-16 21:11:17 · answer #7 · answered by Dawn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if after 2 yrs you're still not over it both of you need counseling to know if you should be together or if he hurt you so much that the solution would be divorce.
2006-11-16 21:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by prettyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word counseling...another word divorce.
2006-11-16 20:55:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋