will she ever leave us alone?

Question

I am getting married to a man in june we have known each other a long time and are really in love , but his ex wont leave us alone , he has 3 children to her who we both adore and everytime somthing dosnt go her way she stops us seeing them , the thing is she ended the relationship with him , she dosnt want him but dosnt want me to have him , she has also got a new boyfriend , we have been together 3 times before this and each time she has played on his feelings and managed to split us up , although this time is very different and there is no chance of him going back to her she is still always trying to get him into her house on his own , which he is completly refusing to do , when we go to pick the kids up from her house theres fighting and when she comes to our house to pick them up theres fighting , nothing is going to stop me marrying him but she is really wearing me down , and if i say anything back to her she will stop us seeing the kids so i just have to take it everytime .

Answer 1

Get married first so you both have a say and use it in court. Your fiance has the right to see his kids also.

Answer 2

Oh my, this is a terrible situation. She is using these poor kids to get what she wants, that is a bad example to these children. And bribery basically. Sounds like she is still hung up on your guy, and doesn't want to accept the fact that he's moving on. She sounds very jealous and possessive and controlling. these types of people will go very far to get what they want and then some. What I think you would have to do is to go about your business, don't even talk to her much unless the subject is necessary. Say "hi" and "bye" basic like communication. tell your guy the same. it will avoid arguing also, if you don't say much, then she doesn't have a come-back to fire at you.
After time goes by, she will learn that it doesn't help for her to have an attitude towards you or him, and using the kids won't do much either. If he has visitation rights, she can't take that away from him. That's legally drawn into the contract. If there is no legal visitation rights, go down to the courthouse and file for it. this way she won't be able to hold the children over your head.
Like I said time will pass, and eventually you two will be married, and she will have no option but to accept it and to get over it. She cannot keep this up forever, it will become exhausting and inconvenient to her. It will become a routine for her to just have the kids ready and out the door.
You personaly, and your man, cannot change the way she acts or thinks. She will have to do this on her own.
I wish you the best, stick in there, and don't let her get the best of you or your man.

Answer 3

It could be that she is jealous of the relationship that you have with her ex. However the thing is you will always have to deal with her because of the children.

Obviously the two of you have a strong relationship and this is getting to her, but try not to let her get you down. When its time to pick up the kids, from either her house or when she comes to yours, to lessen and stop the fights, why don't you stay in the car, or just try to avoid her. I'm not saying this to cut you out of the loop, but the children seeing you all fighting is not good for them.

Technically she has no right to stop you both from seeing the children and if she continues say that its not fair to the children and in the long wrong she is punishing them for something that isn't their problem.

In the meantime you plan your wedding and just avoid her and when you see her just be pleasant and don't give her any excuse to be mean.

Answer 4

Women like that, need therapy! If she just knew she was setting an example for her kids, she would stop hopefully! In the meantime, your bf is doing the right thing, by not playing into her bull. Once she realizes you two are staying together for good, the game will end. If it is possible, I would go to family court-after your married, and tell them about the problem, let them know you don't feel it's healthy for the kids to keep seeing, and have arrangements made for the kids to be dropped off somewhere else-and picked up somewhere else-so both parties don't see each other at all. Get this signed by the court. Lots of people have this done. Just make sure the child support is up to date... You two do not need that in your new life together, and it's really not fair for you to have to put up with it! Good luck!!

Answer 5

Get a good attorney.....Any communication should be through the attorney, including custodial arrangements. If she breaks the agreement that the court sets, he can sue her for contempt. Although there are children involved, and it is hard, try your best to ignore her.....If she has issues when you exchange custody, do it in a public place, or better yet, if you know of amutual friend have that person go along as a buffer when they exchange custody. Keep a detailed log of her insane behavior. you may need it later, especially if she needs to be brought into court for harassment or contempt. No she will probably not leave you alone. Not for a long time anyway, until she finds her next victim...She didn't want him but she doesn't want you to have him either...My best Friend is in the SAME exact situation. the lawyer thing, and getting the courts involved have really been helping...good luck

Answer 6

Stop going to each others house and go through a children's contact cent re that way children will not see the violence fighting and abusive behavior. Get a communication book to talk about the children and write in the book to each other. Get married...and remember divorced men come with ex wife's. Get an agreement visitation order and if she breaches it prosecute her. Change the relationship dynamics.

Answer 7

Take her to court and file joint custody and mandiory visitation rights. If already have it, then obviously crimal action to be taken place. She refuses to allow the children over and no real cause, call the cops and file a complaint to met them over at her house. Sometimes, playing her cards can show her that her game can be played even better than she plays it.

My mom went through the whole wicked ex routine with 5 children from that relationship. Oh, that was a nightmare..

She can't stop him from seeing his kids and she can't dangle them over his head as she is trying to do. No fighting infront of kids, they deserve better. However, don't just take the blows either. She is a bully. Why allow a bully to do that? Teaches those kids that it is ok for their mommy to bully daddy etc. Not right.

As far as yourself, you are marrying him knowing you are going to have a dramatic marriage as long as he is connected to his ex. You getting married knowing this. Better be in it for the long haul as this isn't the end of it.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Oh dear...This is a common situation. From my experience if rigid boundaries are not set then you will allow continuing interference from the Ex. Sit down with your new partner and write down what is acceptable and what is not. Once you have established the lines then you have come up with ways to enforce them. This can be achieve by a group meeting, one to one discussion or if all else fails the courts need to be involved. You need to take back control in your lives.

Answer 10

She cannot stop the children seeing their father. Next time take a video camera. What are they fighting about?
It is best to announce that you will pick up the children and drop them off at this time and don't get into a discussion.
It is a major pity this is happening and it is quite clear that the children are not coming first. Saying that, my ex-husband used to refuse to pay me maintenance, which led to our arguing. It also almost led to our eviction, but that didn't bother him. He also would not arrive when he said he would etc etc.
In other words, make sure your book is clean and you aren't giving her reason to argue.
Otherwise ignore her. Don't get into a fight. It takes two to fight.

Answer 11

Sounds like they may have some un resolved issues. If he was talked into breaking it off with you, then maybe you should question his true feelings towards you. Most people in that situation will continue to use their children as toys in their sick little game. She won't back down because, in her eyes, you are invading her space. I suggest you have a talk with your man and see what his views are. This is, unfortunatly, how alot of ex couples battle. It can last for years.