My ex and I have been trying to get back together. We divorced three years ago and have a teenage daughter.
He is very controlling and always likes to have things his way. So, when I negotiate with him, I say these are the things in my life I will not change or will only change after we are legally married again.
Now, he is constantly saying (in each and every e-mail) that I am a selfish person. He says that I am the most selfish person he knows. I don't know how to react to this statement.
My child is not doing good in school and he constantly blames me for not being with them. I live about 3000 miles away from them.
I can't sleep at night because of the uncertainty in my life. I also do not know how to deal with his comments.
2006-11-16 19:06:15 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should sit back & think why he termed you as selfish. Were you demands reasonable. Would a third person conceive your actions as selfish. Dont immediately retatiate to be called as selfish, please ponder on it & see if there was any substance to that claim, If yes, work on it. Else explain to him your rationale of staying put. As for you staying away from your child, it is very tough on your child. You should reach some compromise so that your kid doesnt suffer, Ask your child if he/she would prefer to move in with you. What matters here is to solve your problem, not to come up with a sly way of getting back at him for calling you selfish!
2006-11-16 19:15:45 · answer #1 · answered by Mock-mast 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we can all be a bit selfish. It is natural tendency. It is the best thing we can do in any relationship - to look at what we can give - not what we can get out of it.
What you give will return back to you. If you give love, caring, etc. then you will get that back in your life. It is just one of those natural laws of life.
Have a really good look at yourself and ask yourself "how have i been selfish in this relationship?" You will definately find something because even the nicest of people have selfish tendancies. It is the way our society is today. Thats why we have to make a conscious effort to not be selfish.
True love is to give even when you are not receiving! It is a sign of a good and loving character.
I know it can be difficult. But just start slowly - that is if you want to work it out with him.
You said he is controlling and likes to have his own way. Most people do. The extent is the main thing. There can be overly controlling people - perhaps if this is the case going to counselling together could help.
I really feel for your child. Try to be there for her as much as you can - I know it must be difficult. 16 is such a tricky age especially for girls. You could be there for her more even by telephone, listening listening and listening is the best thing you can do for a teenage child. They need their parents to be there for them and listen. Put your own problems aside for the sake of your child - just temporarily while you are being there for her. Then you can deal with your problems after. That is also true love. Remember - giving in the relationship. You will feel better for it as well because your consciousness will know you are doing the right thing.
I truly wish you all the best and hope and pray your situation improves real soon. :)
xoxox
2006-11-16 19:29:54 · answer #2 · answered by Nic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in order for your relationship to get better, you both are going to have to give up somethings that are going on in your life and if you are unwilling to change these things then in my opinion you are being a little bit selfish. If you are willing to try to make the relationship work again, then I don't think you should wait until you are legally mairried to start making some changes, but...you shouldn't be the only one making some changes, he should have to change somethings to...comprimise! Just talk to him and tell him that if Im going to give this up then you are going to have to do this and so on and so on.
2006-11-16 19:14:11 · answer #3 · answered by okiegirl06_21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell the person that you aren't selfish because you are always thinking of others and say you are thinkin about ME MYSELF AND I three other persons and if they don't like then you call them selfish because they are always tryin to blame and point fingers at you but never think about HOW DUMB THEY LOOK BY DEWIN THAT
2006-11-16 19:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by ~*BuGs*BuNnY*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, it's BOTH YOUR child, not mine/his. And a mother who leaves her children? Yeah, it seams selfish, but there are two sides to every story.
Maybe there's some truth to it. Take stock of your life and why you left, deal with it, and move on.
2006-11-16 19:14:36 · answer #5 · answered by Joe S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe his comments are reflecting himself so they take it out on other people.
If you were really a selfish person you wouldn't wonder about it.
2006-11-16 19:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what your demands are or what surcumstances caused you two to break up. but, the easiest solution is to not be selfish. Unless he is being unreasonable.
2006-11-16 19:11:11 · answer #7 · answered by Daniel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i sort of agree with daniel...
but are you sure HE is not that selfish one?
2006-11-16 19:13:11 · answer #8 · answered by simon says 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋