2006-11-16 18:56:57 · 15 answers · asked by Martha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we've been married for almost 12 years.He's done it more than 5 times,i still stayed.Have 5 kids.and now it's killing me having this pain all by myself.
2006-11-16 19:06:07 · update #1
Don't worry about your kids needing a family.They might miss their dad now but when grow mature enough they will support the decision you took. You have to leave now. Its not even like he strayed once & apologised. He seems to have taken you for granted. Please consult an attorney & sue him for a hefty alimony. Before that please gather sufficient proof of his infidelity.
2006-11-16 19:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Mock-mast 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Martha, I have been there done that....It is hard...I left but had to return because I had too many assets in iour business and could not get welfare payments and my youngest of four kids was 9 months old, so hard to go to work. I tried to live a seperate life in a different part of the house but it didn't work. He still wanted me to be a wife in every way. Finally the atmosphere was so tense it was affecting the kids so I decided to leave but I did it this way with lots of planning. I made sure I had a bank account and money of my own. I started to stock pile food, clothing and personal possessions at a friends place. I told nobody but the friend what I was planning. Then one night when the kids were at their grandparents for the weekend I made a nice dinner early in the evening. When we finished eating and had a couple of wines I told him very calmly that I felt we had come to a closing in our relationship and wanted a trial seperation. I was careful not to say it was because of his infidelity. He was a little reluctant at first but after more talk he agreed. I moved out the next day whith little fuss since I assured him it was just a trial. It took three months before he realised it was for good and he had time to feel free to carry on his illicit affair with a prostitiute he had been seeing for eight years. When I knew he was more comfortable with our seperation I filed for divorce. and while his pride was hurt he reluctantly agreed without too much trouble. You see, it is very hard to get an agreeable seperation. It is all the repercussions that are hard to put up with and a husband who cheats on you has no respect for you and will continue to cheat as long as you allow it. If he has no respect he will act accordingly and most probably make it hard for you. If you have done the right thing and been true to him then you are too good for him. Good luck with moving on....
2006-11-16 20:43:11 · answer #2 · answered by dinkydidawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband cheated on me. That is why he is my ex husband. We had two children together. They were the main reason why I stayed and put up with him cheating on me. Finally one day I realized that I was not doing them or myself any good by sticking around. Kids are smarter than you think. They know when things are not going good. It was scary being a single mom. My ex and I had been together since high school. I was afraid that no other man would want me, being a single mom with two kids. But I was totally wrong. I met my husband now, he fell in love with me and my kids. We got married and had a child together. Things are great. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. It may seem like you are going through the worst time in your life but there is something positive that will come out of it. Best of luck!
2006-11-16 21:14:46 · answer #3 · answered by ddbach1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure he saw me, no loud scenes or Jerry Springer type stuff.. Leave and when he comes home have the divorce papers drawn ready for him to go.. It's too many diseases and down low mess going on to deal with a infidelity issue.. You shouldn't give chances on that.. once the vow is broken so is the trust..The relationship would suck after wards so separation would be the best key!!!!
2006-11-16 19:02:23 · answer #4 · answered by chubbie dumplins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd kick my husband to the curb.
I've told him if he'd ever cheat on me, that's it, then it's over. He feels the same way.
But knowing me i might forgive him because he means the world to me. Yet then he might think he can cheat and he knows i'll forgive him. Man, that's difficult. But to be honest, if he'd do it more than once like uyour husband did, i'd leave him.
I know it sounds mean, especially because you have 5 kids but i think that would be the right thing to do.
I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you. Hope everything works out. Don't forget your kids...
2006-11-16 21:05:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will seperate for a short while and get some counseling. Because I'll tell ya...people are divorceing to quick now adays. People are going to cheat. It's just a fact. Look at our world. Where we're headed. If you go find someone else what is the chances that they are going to do the same? Think about it.
2006-11-16 19:11:47 · answer #6 · answered by Peek@u 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think he's already had that kind of habit even though before he's married. 5 times is too often to do if he's not done before married.
According to your situation, actually you can decided to divorce with him but please ensure that you can life independently and could raise your children well.
Another option is you should not care to this problems, as well as you can raise your children well and you can manage yourself, it's OK. I know it's too hurt for you but it's better for your future. As you've realize he's had that bad manner since before he's married to you, and it's too difficult to change.
Please take care and be patient.
2006-11-16 19:24:25 · answer #7 · answered by eddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. That's one of those abolutely unallowable behaviors to have in a relationship. No excuse would work with me. Mutual respect for each other as friends and lovers and for the relationship is an absolute neccessity.
2006-11-16 19:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Martha, I feel your pain but if my man cheated on me I would stop having sex with him..."prevents you from getting Aids or an STD"...I would also file for divorce and send him on his way...stick to your guns because he knows now that he can get away with it and will always tell you what you want to hear and give you what you don't want to see. He has NOTHING to offer-------->it's time to say good bye and move on with your life...
Good Luck, A Friend
2006-11-16 19:16:00 · answer #9 · answered by joy ride 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
before going to the christian life i would probably cutt off his privitething. but now i would get professional help if any. if now there was to be an end . so be it.
2006-11-16 19:04:26 · answer #10 · answered by dounut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋