I have been married for 2 months and I am unhappy. My wife is a nice person- no doubt about that But:?

Question

I hate our relationship
I hate her dog
I hate her attitude
I hate our sex life
I hate her lack of emotion
I hate her anal retentiveness
I hate we no longer have fun
I hate that there is no passion
I hate her sarcasm
I hate her lack of supportiviness
I hate her inability to communicate
I hate her frowning
I hate her seconed guessing me
I hate her unloving nature
I hate that she is always tired.
I hate her humor.

I really hate the way I feel about my marriage. I think I have fallen out of love. I want to be happily married. Just to let you know, I am a nice guy. I work hard, pay the bill, dont drink , smoke or cheat. No temper issues either. I am a regular nice guy. She is nice to everybody else but me- Her husband. She is hardworking and honest- she makes and good friend to others and a great daughter to her parents..

HELP!!!

Answer 1

You didn't know this before you married her????????????
No wonder the divorce rate is so high.. If you have been married to her for just two months and are already this bad of it's probably not her....

Answer 2

Have you talked to her about any of this (not complaining, talking)? Talking is #1, but be sure to approach her in a gentle way - don't put her on the defensive. Listen, and talk about how to compromise and find ways to satisfy both sets of needs.

Know when/what started the bad feelings between you? Do you guys have time alone? Marriage is such a big change. It sounds unromantic, but it takes planning and attention to detail to keep the flames fanned.

I have a couple ideas: (Sorry, no thoughts as to the dog, but try to meet it halfway, too.)

1st - Make a list of things you LOVE and like about your wife. Big or small, doesn't matter. Just brainstorm and keep going. Even if you start thinking about what you can't stand.. just tune that station out and tune the positive one in. Take a few days if you need. Show her the list.

If you really want to make a difference try planning something special (you can make the first move in this direction and it will probably get her attention). Send her a note telling her you want to meet her at such and such time/place/etc... and have a few preparations made for a special weekend, or just an evening... somthing you know she'd like but you might want to casually ask about her plans to check for conflicts. If she wants to know why, put on a goofy grin and act mysterious, maybe hint about surprises.

Leave her little love notes in ordinary places that she will find them - car, refrigerator, under her covers, by her toothbrush... no heavy mushy stuff - just something sexy or light and sweet if you feel self-conscious.

Sometimes it's just a matter of redirecting your thoughts. If you show her how much you care (not saying you don't already!) she will almost certainly respond. The tenderness approach works pretty well most times.

Also... try to think if there's something you might be doing yourself that's driving her crazy. Sounds like you're really crazy about her but miss the days when the focus was on the two of you rather than the day to day junk. Women love (and respond to) romance.

If things continue poorly, please try a couples therapy. It can do wonders. I once read a book called "Fighting FOR your Marriage", on Amazon. It had great ideas. Better to start when things first go wrong than try to correct a big mess later.

Good luck!

Answer 3

This all depends on your culture, and how high up "family values" are within it. Now frankly this is an easy situation to understand. In my marriage my wife had several other men that were in and out of her life. I found out after the third man. Despite all of that, I forgave her and tried to keep things going. But other issues were there that couldn't be resolved. The best thing you can do is get your sexuality back. Stop thinking about her and this other man having sex. If she honestly wanted him, she'd have left you. She may be staying out of loyalty rather than out of love, and that's probably what's hurting you. She may be trying hard, but it could be because she knows she hurt you and doesn't want you to suffer. If counseling isn't doing it, then you need to start focusing on your deep down emotional feelings towards your wife. Obviously you haven't been able to get past this. The sexual infidelity is probably the worst because you're partly possessive of her. Once you realize that you can live without her, is when you can start having sex with her. I know it sounds odd, but the reality is that this is a woman you trusted, had faith in, and emotionally bonded with. So her affair goes against all of that. If you view her sex with this other man as something that really meant nothing to her, other than it satisfied some urge she had; then you can also realize that she is still with you, but you don't need her. If you don't need her, then its simple. Sex will come back. The bond won't be there the way it was, at least for awhile. Regardless, the steps you have to take are simple. Just sit down and talk to her about why she felt attracted to this other man, what it was that you couldn't do for her that he did (other than money), and what she can do to heal your heart. Perhaps in finding out all the reasons and eliminating them, then you can start all over again with her. Then maybe she can win your trust back, win your faith back and perhaps form a new bond with you. Finally, start spending more time together, getting reacquainted. That helps because it brings you two closer together emotionally. But for right now, you have to assume you can live without her, and then build it all back again.

Answer 4

Was it this way before you got married? It seems that you must have gotten along great at one time since you did speak your vows. Unfortunately, there are those who change after marriage and maybe your wife is one of those?

If your relationship before the marriage was worth saving, marriage counseling is always an option if she's open to it. If not, I believe you're still well within the timeline for an annulment.

No matter what happens, try not to worry about it too much. It's completely common for there to be two people who are genuinely good people and just aren't good "together." No one is in the wrong, it seems. Good luck on it, I hope you can figure out for sure what's going to make you the happiest.

Answer 5

Every person has their flaws. Don't focus on their flaws or what that person doesn't give you. Focus on how to fix your relationship. Focus on how to improve your relationship and make it better. Ask yourself each morning "What can I do to help make my wife's day?". If she has an attitude and start calling you names, you say "I really appreciate it if you don't call me names because it hurts and it's offensive. I would like us to resolve the issues without the bickering" OR "Do we really have to argue or fight? Don't you want to kiss and make up instead?"
If she is always nagging and raising her voice at you, you say calmly "I know you're upset but I can't talk to you if you're raising your voice at me" Then leave the room immediately so she can calm down. Make sure to close the door normally and not slam it, otherwise, she will think you have an attitude too and it will backfire. When everyone has calm down then come back and talk or listen to her.
If your wife doesn't have a sense of humor, so what. If you want to laugh, rent funny dvds/movies/shows instead. Or take your wife out to a comedy club.
If you want passion back in your life. You make sure you tell her that you love her on a daily basis. Tell her that she's beautiful. Ask what she needs from you if she needs any help with anything. Clean the house without her asking you. Cook her dinner. Run her a warm bubble bath. Light candles.
Hold her so she feels loved and cared for.
Do this things and see how much your relationship changes.

Answer 6

I have to ask if this was an arranged marriage, because when you speak about your "wife" you sound like you are talking about a stranger. How long have you known her? I am guessing not long or you would have noticed these traits long ago.

If this is an arranged marriage, give it a little time. People do not show themselves fully right away, and maybe this is her way of protecting herself from too much intimacy, too fast. Remember, she doesn't know you well, either.

If this is not an arranged marriage, you need to seriously review your maturity level, do this lady a favor and move on!

Answer 7

..Maybe you should of thought about that before u got married?? I don't know sounds like she has lost respect for you. Are you way passive? Did you ever do anything (unknowingly) to make her feel like you don't deserve her? Why don't you just sit and talk it out. Tell her you are willing to leave if she is that unhappy because it is making u unhappy. Good luck!

Answer 8

Is it possible that you didn't really know your wife before you asked her to marry you? That happens a lot, esp with younger folks. It also leads to unrealistic expectations. those always cause problems! Here are somethings for you to think about ...

Can We Save Our Marriage? :
- Trapped in a Loveless Marriage
- Why Does Love Fade?
- Is There Reason for Hope?
- Your Marriage Can Be Saved!
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2001/1/8/article_01.htm

Notice the links to related articles, left of the article's texts.

Answer 9

what made you marry her?! i always tell my friends that what you get before you are married is what you will get after plus a few weird quirks but it shouldnt be that many. maybe she is depressed and might be feeling the same way as you are? maybe you guys need to sit face to face and have a serious heart to heart if you havent already tried that. my counselor (dont ask) said that the best way to not hurt the person you love is to hold their hands when you are "arguing" and that way it is harder to attack them personally and likely to get to the issue. he said it sounds weird but it works a bit. do you talk to her in an aggressive manner that would make her turn defensive right away? try talking to her in phrases like "i really do get hurt when you dont support my (whatever it is you are not being supported in)". i am not able to give you an answer but you should think of what you got yourself into seriously, maybe you need to grow up a bit and remember why you got married? I mean did you suddenly wake up with a hang-over married? probably not...so just try and remember what made you fall in love enough to why you wanted to get married and think long in hard about why you are feeling this way now.

Answer 10

i really think u are too harsh its a marriage u said for better or worse sometimes in marriage u don't love the person every day they really do get on your nerves but i think you add more things to reason why u don't love her think about this? Why did u marry her what made u love in the first place and is it all her what About are u really trying or putting her under a test.