I am having so many difficulties right vs. wrong choice. My husband, who is army, just got back from a 6 week school, in december he is only allowed to take 15 days leave (vacation) when prior to the school they were told 30 days. Now he has to leave for another 10 days for school and then deploys right after that.
Here is the problem: Under the original planned 30 days his family was going to visit for 10 of the days. Now its only 15 days and i am mad that 10 of it has to be spent with his brother & g-friend, mom and dad with only 5 days to spend= 2 before and 3 after they leave. Ladies esp, wouldnt you be stuck in a hard place because that is alot of planning for extra adults for three meals aday, house cleaning, entertaining and being on the ball so to speak for 10 days that I would much rather spend relaxing with my husband who is getting ready to deploy for a darn year. What do i do??? The travel is already arranged by the way, i just want a cozy family Christmas is that bad?
2006-11-16 18:17:22 · 9 answers · asked by Jessy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also...we had family up until the last day he had to go to korea for a year w/out me and our son. So...this seems to become a habit. Not only that, they invited themselves, husband said yes w/out consulting me first. This last august i tried to commit suicide and are now on anti-anxiety med and antidepressants. My husband is my better half and totally desire to just saturate myself in his love and remember our quiet family holiday. I am still in a delicate state of being and am not ready for being a holiday entertainer when i am trying to mentally prepare myself for the fact my best friend will be leaving for a year again only this time it is in a dealdy situation IRAQ. I am not just dreading the housework, it is the fact that all that work will take me away from my family and he will be distanced from me as well entertaining them too.
2006-11-17 07:22:14 · update #1
Wow well first of all, my best to you and your husband!
None of this seems at all fair to you and your marriage. Unfortunately, there are no winners in moments like this. What does your husband feel about this? It seems to me that he would probably just want quiet, easy going time with you before he has to leave and that's not going to happen with the chaos of a group that large. With the pre-arranged travel, though, it seems like your hands are tied. Is there any chance that, at the very least, they can stay in a hotel and your gatherings with them can be arranged rather than just spending all day every day together?
If nothing else, please try to take an hour or so a day with just you and your husband, even if only to grocery shop or something small like that, something that isn't likely to interest your guests. Both of you have certainly earned it! Best wishes.
2006-11-16 18:27:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your hubby about how you feel, and together, let his family know that there has been a change of plans. Cut their visit short, so that you can spend more time with your husband. Remember though that they also love him, and want to spend time with him too. Perhaps you should try arranging for you two to go to them? That way you can leave when YOU want to, and don't have the difficult situation of telling them that the 5 days is over! Or subsequently, tell them the time will be only 5 days, as you have decided to go away together for a few days, that way you have an excuse to get rid of them! Good luck. As long as your hubby supports you in this, it will be fine.
2006-11-16 19:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your feelings - and your family should too.
Your husband is about to go to war, and you don't know for sure if he'll come back (I hope to God he does.. but you never know, as you understand far better than I do)
So, you want those 15 days all alone with him, since it might be the last 15 days you'll ever get with him..
The family should understand, and compromise - 5 days with them (with one or more of the relatives helping you with the household chores) and 10 days with just you and him (including Christmas Day itself)
That sounds fair to me...
Good luck.. and I hope your husband stays safe over there
2006-11-16 18:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no but marriage is about compromise. Tell his mom how you feel, that you would still like her to come but you are going to spend time with your husband and not be worried about cooking and all that extra stuff. I am sure she will understand. If not then all well she will just have to get over it. I would keep food in the house but not cook. Just worry about you and your husband his family will squeeze in some how.
2006-11-16 18:25:22 · answer #4 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that his leave is not as long as expected so the visit will have to be 5 days instead of 10.
2006-11-16 18:23:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering the cirumstances, I think you sound like you are more concerned about the extra work than spending the most time with your husband. Maybe you should re-read what you wrote. If I were you, I would leave it up to your husband to decide how much time he wants to allot to his family for visiting.
2006-11-16 22:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just talk to your husband maybe things can be rearranged...He will want to see all of his family before he goes...
2006-11-16 18:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i would just explian how you feel to your husband and see if you can come to a happy medium agreement
2006-11-16 18:23:45 · answer #8 · answered by dee d 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.... difficult situation!!! cos they love him as much as you do. I cant advise u on this, its tacky!
2006-11-16 18:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋