How do you heal from your husband cheating on you?

Question

Hello.

This summer my husband cheated on me with an ex girlfriend he dated before we met. We were going through a rough time -- fighting all the time, and while I understand we were fighting, we were married and are still married.

To make a long story short, I took him back. I know he has ceased communication with her, but I also know he still cares about her very much. We talk, a lot, about how he feels and while it hurts me to the core he thinks about her, I listen and he feels better afterwards and it makes me feel better he is not harboring any secrets.

I guess my question is -- how do you heal (pesonally) from being cheated on?

Answer 1

What concerns me about this, is the fact he still cares about HER. He will not devote the proper attention to your marriage if he is still pining away for the other woman. I think this really necessitates professional counseling to get thru this. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well i have a different view on this situation, I think! I'm the bad guy (cheater) in my relationship. My situation is a bit different i cheated with a random guy from a bar and I don't have any feelings for him and won't have any contact with him. Well anyway, I wonder what hurts you more the act of him cheating or the fact that it was an ex? I would think it's the ex part and if thar's true and he still has some kind of feelings for her than I would suggest more communication and maybe a counselor. Well my fiance doesn't and I may not tell him about the cheating but I am going to suggest that we go to couples counseling and see where things went wrong or if maybe I have some kind of problem I need to work on myself. While that's probably the hardest thing to do it may help!!!

Answer 3

i was cheated on. the thing is for me spending time with God, reading the Bible, ect. eased the pain as i was and am of the opinion that God is at our side in all we go through.

not to be anti-empathetic but i have had many challenges in my life, and as much as it rocked my world, was a heartbreaker choker ect, cheating would not rank near the top of the worst things that i have been through. and i guess that is not good. :-(

if you guys are working thru things you should heal of it fairly quickly but it will be hard to forget. Even a more difficult issue would be will you trust him fully in the future. it sounds like maybe you could and possibly should. i certainly would never suggest for someone not to trust another; only you will know what's right.

the final order of business is that you are in a funky situation where the guy has a fondness of a previous flame. IMO if it was his first real love, it will be darn near impossible for those feelings to ever go away if that is the case. sometimes our memories of a past flame seem all good and we forget the negativity and we are in some kind of fantasy land.

lastly, some relationships make couples feel like life is bliss, they are floating on a cloud not only when together but when apart. they simply are that happy to have one another. oftentimes these relationships exist in late teens with no children and the stress that comes with real responsibilities.

i feel for you and there are no easy answers but is sounds like you are strong emotionally from what i glean. take care. don't be afraid to e-mail if you need anything.

Answer 4

Personaly I never would. I know that once the trust is lost that it is over. After something like this happens things are never the same and life is just too short to settle for less. Of course when small children are involved you tend to put up with a lot. But not for long.

Answer 5

I couldn't. I went through it, and I just couldn't let go of the pain. It's a choice really, and some can do it. I guess the question is can you truly forgive him? Will you always "wonder", if so you don't want that life. If you can't honestly trust him, I don't know how you could ever heal. Healing would be you completely forgive him and let it all go. I do wish you the best.

Answer 6

you have heard forgive and forget, the forgiving part is a whole lot easier than the latter, By not communicating with her is in your favour and not keeping secrets is a good idea but do you want to be hurt every time he either mentions her name or talks to you about her, so what if he thinks about her, by thinking about her,he is not verbalizing and hurting you, I personally would prefer not discussing her at all, this in time will help also, because it is not always at the forefront of a conversation, if it is not talked about you can,t be hurt to the core each time aye, if he does love you and you do him, another saying time can heal wounds,
just some friendly advice --- waynewrightc

Answer 7

It takes time. Keep talking to your husband. See if he will go for some counseling with you or go alone. You said you were doing a lot of fighting and this can help with those problems too.
It is very hard to forgive but it is much harder to forget. He will have to build up your trust again. Try doing more things with just the two of you.

Answer 8

some women never truly heal after experiencing this.........have you forgiven him? honestly? or do ever catch yourself wonder what he is doing when the two of you aren't together? It's great that your supportive enough to sit and talk about his ex girlfriend but I am so sorry to say that he sounds like his heart and mind is more with her, it's kind of disrespectful to you don't you think? Why would you let him have his cake and eat it too? Easier said then done but i think you should set him free or give the option because he's obviously not fully interested in you and only loving you...............I think you should worry about the love and happiness that you deserve.

Answer 9

go & read everything you have written dear girl... don't you think you should be thinking about yourself,?

he feels better after he talks, & you feel hurt more than ever...been there , done that, & it's time that you may just want to think about yourself ?

if you 2 are wanting to work it out , shoudn't you be talking about you 2 instead of him talking about her ?

a reality check, you say he still cares about her ? do you need him financially, physically, do you have children...?

you need good friends & family , regardless of children, he shoudn't be talking about her at all..

and you need to realize , you need you, not him...not his " still caring about her "

it's very hard, but time does heal some wounds, but not when you know , what you know, & that your husband cares about another woman, left you for her ? & you took him back ?

sounds like she dumped him, & he came back to a safe zone till he gets another opportunity..

as far as him ceasing communication with her ? how can you even think that ? bet not, I would & could never have a trust in that...been there, done that..

there is a peace with dealing with it, & it takes time, good friends, & lots of dealing with your inner most self..

Answer 10

This is a a very difficult place for you to be in.......and given that you two are still together, the only thing you can do is embrace acceptence and to forgive him. Because if you harbor resentment about his past infidelity, it will eat you alive and only hurt yourself.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this and I respect the decision you have made in your situation.