the whole point is, there is no guy. if i wanted a guy, i would be with a guy. if they mean who is more dominate, then why not ask that-and if so, here is a question back, are you saying the guy is usually more dominate? if that's so, than almost every straight couple i have meet, the girl is the 'guy' and the guy is the 'girl'. just curious, always struck me as a strange question.....
2006-11-16 16:35:33 · 24 answers · asked by imgnrefrnd18@sbcglobal.net 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
the people who have asked me this are serious and i explain it to them politely but, i do inform them that they should not ask anybody else this because next time, that person might not take the time to explain it to them and might yell at them. i'm never mean to anyone, i always try to leave them with an open outlook on gay culture.
2006-11-16 16:46:04 · update #1
generally is their way of asking who is the provider, and who is the stay at home. or they think one of the 2 girls must be the one who uses a strap-on, and the other doesn't
2006-11-16 16:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Fabperson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally it's because people can only think in terms of heterosexual relationships, so they assume that all relationships act similar: that there is a dichotomy of masculine-feminine, strong-weak, dominating-submissive, etc., and then assume one has to be each, a yin-yang sort of thing.
And it only helps to reinforce people's beliefs when they witness butch-femme couples, be they gay male or lesbian.
And yes, I agree that most heterosexual relationships are fairly topsy-turvy anyways- that's why you get phrases like 'she wears the pants in that relationship'. But 'male' is still code for dominant and masculine and 'female' is still code for submissive and feminine, and that's why people ask about that in lesbian relationships. Moreover, they may be asking, in a coded way, who is a top in bed (as guys are seen as the screwers, girls, the screwees, so to speak).
It is a somewhat offensive question, but not one totally without merit- if asked in true curiosity, I'd indulge it. It reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where George kept obsessing and wondering about who, in a lesbian relationship, leads while dancing. Just educate people!
2006-11-16 16:56:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the question is a little dumb; however, in some lesbian relationships, there is a woman who is more masculine in behavior and appearance, and a woman who is more feminine in behavior and appearance. The same thing applies to gay men.
That doesn't really make the question better. But that's probably part of the reason behind it.
2006-11-16 16:40:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard this before and its just a stupid stereotype but some people believe that one girl takes on a more masculine role and the other the feminine. So they call one the guy in the relationship.
2006-11-16 16:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Emily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many same sex couples where one is more butch and the other more a lady. They mean no disrespect (well, most people, anyway) and are curious to know if your relationship is that way.
Either way, I think it's rude of people to ask. It's nobody's business who fits in what role (if there is one) unless they are open about it.
2006-11-16 16:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cuz american society is full of social construction. to b dominant, is always considered a male trait...and to b submissive is considered a female trait. which is dumb..because obviously there are many dominant females...and submissive males...whether its a homosexual OR heterosexual relationship. basically its jus ignorance
and i think some ppl really cant get their minds around the fact that some females genuinely do not want men, in any shape or form...so they assume someone jus haaaaaaaas to b playing the "male" role.
ooooooooooooorrrrr they jus think its funny n wanna get under ur skin...who knows!
2006-11-16 16:52:48 · answer #6 · answered by true22enigma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cause they want something to talk about i don't agree with that kind of lifestyle but people like to get attention of off them any way they can so they pick something controversial to point out and they hate people who know that the truth will come out eventually any way that's what makes you a good target to spotlight so they ask a question to find out other stuff on the side slide whatever to poke at
2006-11-16 17:16:46 · answer #7 · answered by will pray 4 you disleic 15 wpmin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most people don't know anything about gay culture. They think that it is ok to ask that question because they only think heterosexually. Be patient and be happy in the fact that gay awareness is becoming more widespread. people are getting better informed.
2006-11-16 16:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by konala 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's their way of humorously asking who is the dominate partner in your sex life. In a hetero-relationship, the man is usually the aggressor, and the woman the submissive. So in other words they're just asking you "who's on top?"
2006-11-16 16:43:54 · answer #9 · answered by princessslave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a stupid stereotype for lesbians. Some people are just that closed-minded to ask who is the man in the relationship.
2006-11-16 16:39:11 · answer #10 · answered by Sasami K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋