We have been divorced a long time. He was really mean to me when we were married. He is remarried to a woman that verbally abuses me in front of my children. My son has Tourettes and I have been accussed of lying about it to get money from state. The last time my ex saw the kids was 4 months ago when my son ran away from his house and was picked up by police along side of highway, mind you my son has Tourettes. He called today and demanded that I drop the kids off in Springfield 3 hours away from me. I said no, no chance, its unsafe and if you want them so bad come up to Ottawa to get them .He screamed at me calling me names in front of my kids. Do you think I am in the wrong for saying no, the kids cant come down there. Its not like I am completely denying visitation, but I cant take a risk on my kids getting hurt. I have sole custody he has visitation rights, what should I do? Help!!!
2006-11-16 16:28:36 · 17 answers · asked by melissa S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No he has to pick them up and drop them off...You dont have to meet him half way or drive them there, DONT DO IT :)....
2006-11-16 16:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most cases when the parents are a distance apart the receiving parent has to pick up the children. Meaning he should have to come to you and get them and then you'd have to go to him to take them back home. I would start recording his demands and everything said to you on the phone or in person. You should be able to get a small recorder at Wall Mart or Radio Shack, just about anywhere that sells electronics. I would also contact the state and explain to them everything you've said here and anything else that might show how he is. If you have any witness' to his behavior and demands I'd have them go too or at least a signed notarized letter, I would also call some lawyers
(I'd even ask the state if they can help with one, they might be able to find you one pro-bono) most lawyers will give you a free consultation. You should be able to get your son a child advocate lawyer free because of his disability due to the fact he was neglected at his Dad's and had to be found by the police. I'd get a copy of that paperwork too, it should help you. Like I said I'd tell all them everything, don't leave one bit out.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-11-16 16:43:41 · answer #2 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you are proposing this question as if you are the ex-wife, Michael? Or are you the 'ex-wife's' new husband. If the order states the 'ex-husband' is responsible for transportation for his visitation, then I don't see where visitation is being denied. There is nothing to ENFORCE (but by all means go show them how loony tunes you are spending your money for this silly court action, rather than to drive to pick up your kids...). This is ludicrous and he/you are making a fool out of yourself. Help take care of your kids and stop acting like a crazy person. Your kids need you/he to be the grown up.
2016-05-21 22:03:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realized that one of the first things you mentioned was your husbands new wife and based on what you wrote, I think that you are either still hurting or in love with him. You have to give him rights to his children. If not when they get older they will blame you for everything (not seeing their dad).
You two are adults and you should be able to get along. He shouldn't fight with you and you shouldn't fight with him either. If you guys have a problem with each other, you need to find a resolution. The way I see it is, the one who picks the fights is the one still in love. If he picks fights with you, then you should confront his wife, when she starts **** with you. Tell her that its obvious he still has feelings b/c of the way he's acting.
Last but not least, I think that you two have to learn to compromise. If he lives 3 hours away, you guys should accomodate each other, it's only right. You should each drive 1 1/2 hours to drop and pick up the kids. Really, you might feel like you are hurting your ex-husband by not letting him see them, but you are really hurting your kids. You will always be their mother no matter what. Noone can change that. Your irreplaceable. Besides when they are away you get some free time to yourself. So take advantage and have a little fun when he has the kids.
2006-11-16 16:56:13 · answer #4 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The visitation issue should have been addressed in the divorce decree.
You can not deny him visitation, but if its not in the decree that you have to take the kids to him, then its up to him.
You need to document the wife yelling and his yelling. Call the police and make a report each time. Then you can get a protective order against them, and he can be forced to pick up the kids at a neutral location to avoid confrontations.
He can not stop paying support if he does not see them. They are 2 seperate issues. You also can't deny visitation if he is not paying.
2006-11-16 16:49:52 · answer #5 · answered by toobusytostress 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesnt take the time to visit his kids now....he apparently doesnt desire to make the time. Sad. The idea of you dropping them off just to visit him...and he appears to ask just to get you upset cuz he's probably miserable and wants to take it out on you instead of his new wife...it is almost like dropping them off with a stranger and a beast..! If you think that he could be a good father if he is more present in their life, then move closer. If he's not...hang out where you are. You might consider picking them up after he's picked them up for visitation or meeting halfway. I sometimes think 3hrs away from a loved one sounds like a stone's throw...some find the distance unbearable as in your ex's case. Some people never grow up!
You also might consider going for supervised visitation at your place if the ex's home is unstable. Good luck. Peace.
2006-11-16 16:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"You" don't have the right to deny him visitation. You have the right to follow your custody order, if your custody order is not clear you need to go back to mediation. You have to take the "you and him" factor out of it and handle it as a business deal. If you need to, request a third party (friend or family member you two agree on) to do communication and exchanges of the children. Mediation (or any logical parent) will request/agree you either meet half way or you drop the kids off at his house, and he returns them to your house. You need to do all you can to get this back to business, your kids do not need to witness the verbal exchanges - it's is not their fault. Mediation may be free in your area, call your local courthouse where your original agreement (divorce/custody) was made.
2006-11-16 17:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a question that you REALLY need to discuss with a lawyer. My ex lives in Kansas while I live in Missouri (just the opposite, eh?) I found that the best way to handle it is to NOT fight with him. Ignore him. I don't take my son to him and I don't encourage the ex to come here. If you absolutely ignore him and don't answer his calls, etc... then it is up to him to get himself to Ottawa. Do you have a legal custody arrangement or have you both just worked this out for yourselves? And ALWAYS document, document, document. Keep a special notebook (away from your son's prying eyes) and write down absolutely everything. That is advice that I got from a lawyer in Kansas. Good luck and get out of the fight!
2006-11-16 16:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poor kids are hurting and your ex and his b-t--h isn't helping the matter a bit. You are definitely not wrong, I would not take my kids all that way. IF he really loved his kids the way a father should he wouldn't be asking that of you.HIS wife is behind that she is the one that doesn't want him to see his kids .She can't come out and say that because she knows what will happen.I could be wrong but I don't think so,do you?
2006-11-16 16:46:51 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's HIS visitation, let HIM make the arrangements to pick them up. And when he does, don't let his new wife in the door. He was mean to you but you're free of him now, so YOU take control and don't let him push you around or intimidate you any more! Do what is best for your kids and yourself and don't budge or you'll just be angry with yourself later. Who needs that?
2006-11-16 16:36:07 · answer #10 · answered by Rainfog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know the $$$ side of it but if he is paying support for them then watch because not letting him see them could put that in jeopardy.my suggestion is if he cant come all the way then drive them halfway if your son runs away again then stop the visitation due to neglect and child endangerment
2006-11-16 16:37:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋