This is a SERIOUS Question for The Men?

Question

I have been engaged to my fiance for about 4 months and we've been together seriously for 3 years. We have a 1 year old together and we just bought our first home together and so many other things we've achieved! In short this relationship couldn't get any better! Well, with that said I cheated on him a week ago with a guy I met a club. This guy knows that I have a fiance and our agreement was to just be friends because we talked all night about people and a bunch of random things, for a while I thought he was gay because we had so much in common. Anyway we kept in touch for a week and then we had lunch one afternoon and one thing led to another and we slept together. I really regret it and I need to tell him, but I don't know how. How would you want to be told or would you want to know??? He has no idea from what I can see and I feel bad because I've been staying at my office really late just so I can have a excuse to not sleep with him. I feel so guilty! Only serious answers please!

Answer 1

You made a mistake how can telling him correct the mistake? Is your purpose in telling him to help him or attempt to lessen your guilt? Perhaps you want him to feel as bad as you do. Perhaps you want him to assume some of the guilt and responsibility for your actions. I would not want to be told because once you told me there is nothing I could do to fix it.

I suggest you try and get your lifes back to normal as soon as possible if you want to continue the relationship. You say you have a " fiance". I am sure you are aware that in several States you have a "husband". In Texas living together, purchasing and or estasblishing a home together, having a child together, living together for over a year, allowing someone even one time to believe you are a married couple are all ground for the State to declare your relationship a "Common Law Marriage" if ever you separated.

Perhaps you will recall the guilt you are suffering the next time you are tempted to cheat and will not do it again. You made a statement that is very confusing to me, "... this relationship couldn"t get any better!" obviously it could. Why would you be tempted to cheat if the relastionship was so perfect and you were aware of it. I believe a problem exist and the two of you should try to find it. You have an emotional need that is not being met and that is what you should have communicated before you cheated. It is not too late to begin communicating those needs now becuase those are the things you two together can fix.

The time you would spend telling him about somthing neither of you can change should be spent trying to discover the real reason you cheated in the first place and fix it. I do not think perfect relationships exist and good relationships are hard to come by. It seems to me your relationship is worth saving and protecting and I do not think telling will make the relationship better or preserve it. Good luck.

Answer 2

Hello Feeling Guilty Have you ever had past relationships or is this your first lover? The reason I ask That is this is a rather difficult question for anyone to answer, not knowing your Bo. OK I'm another guy who women think gay. But to be straight with you, if you were not celibate when you met him, Did you tell him about every man you ever went with? If you were single all your life until you met him and were saving yourself for him then you have a decision to make. Tell him if you are sure you know him you owe it to him, but in the same he also owes you a list of his priors. If not well Congrats to you both and the best to you, Live long and Prosper. OK Life's not over, but if you know this second let him know your not happy that he put you I this position, Then move on you two live your life, you can't change the past. I know that I would like not to know. But when your with him as long as your with him he's a part of you and your a part of him. I'm sure that he Love's you and you love him. Good Luck to you both

Answer 3

It is good you feel guilt, because it is going to make you change now. I can't think of anyone who would say, "no thanks, I don't want to know the truth." So it is hard and there is never going to be the right time, but you are going to have to speak from your heart and tell him. Sometimes it seems like telling the truth is the wrong thing and useless thing to do, but that is not true. Honesty is always right, never wrong, and living with a guilty heart for an entire human experience is just a form of hell. Spiritual growth is now being required on your part.

Answer 4

get over it. forget it happened, really! if you see the guy again, tell him to get lost. do you want to run the risk of losing your fiance and child? you're an idiot for cheating, accept that and move on with your real life. the one with your FAMILY. the guilt you feel is your punishment for what you did. if you take all the emotions out of the equation, the all you really did was have sex. end of story, close the book. love your man, physically, you'll feel better. any man who tells you that lying to him was worse than cheating is a liar. we think our gf/wife/fiance only ever want us, and we like it that way. don't wreck a good thing (if it is a good thing for you) because of one screw up! BUT make sure you show him how much you love being with him, and a future with him. STOP WORKING LATE!!! get home to your man and child.

Answer 5

Take my advice from an old experienced professional counselor. Keep this from fiance. Time will soften your guilt. It was a mistake. You can only be loving and truthful from now on. You are paying the price presently. Telling a man you cheated on him is like driving a wooden stake through his heart. He will never forget, and will throw it in your face occasionally when the both of you have a disagreement. Keep your lips tightly closed. I will say a prayer for you!

Grandpa

Answer 6

IF you want to preserve the long-term relationship there is no need to tell your fiancee. That would likely devastate him. If you feel a need to confess, talk to a close girlfriend or a priest. Seriously. To confess to him in order to get it off your chest is making it worse. Just cut off relationship with the other man and move on. That let's be friends stuff is a game. Get honest with yourself. Do you really want to get married? Don't lead this good man on. Commit or decide to leave him.

Answer 7

ok first of all what where you doing at a club without your man? second there two types of people that goes too clubs , and bar,s and we all know this. people who are looking for something or someone looking for someone to do. but anyway if you tell your man are you ready for what may happen when you do? you may very well loose him for ever you know this right. see you have broken a trust that is not very easly gained back and some times never gained back ever. r u ready for the worest that could happen? there is no easy awnser to your question but is there no way you can find away to just forgive yourself and keep whats in the past in the past? good luck.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Tell him. Relationships are built on trust. If you don't tell him and he finds out later, the trust will be gone for good. Although, he may not trust you now if you decide to tell him. But at least you will be relieved of this secret. He has a right to know, especially because he's not in the wrong. If he stays, promise yourself to never betray his trust again and stick to it.

Answer 10

i think the damage is done and you are trying to stop the inevitable. he will be angry and feel betrayed regardless of how you tell him. chances are he will want to leave you and be alone for a while. go through a rebellious period and cheat on you to get back and hurt you like you hurt him. do you really want to do that to him, so you can have some peaco of mind. that the choice you have to make. live with guilt or tell him and destroy what you have.