Found emails were my wife chases after a guy?

Question

Finding emails were my wife talks about a guy that she is head over heels for. she invites him to do things, and tells him personal things. I have also found emails were she talks to her friends about him and me. She says she loves me, but things he is her solemate. Does this mean the end for me, or she just confusesd. should I say something, or wait it out and see what she does. I want her to pick me for the right reasons, not becuase I tolde her I found her emails.

Answer 1

well you certainly do need to confront her. and let her know you don't approve and this hurts you and she has a decision to make. and i would be so angry and hurt if i where you . i think i would give her a choice me or her friend if she chooses the friend . tell her good bye.

Answer 2

You should confront her. Computers can be wonderful but they sure have messed up a lot of relationships. Let her know that it really hurts that she would think that someone other than yourself is her solemate. It is hard for me to understand how a person could get so wrapped up with someone on here. People make themselves out to be the best or the most abused person in the world on here. No one is perfect and this is a dream world on here. Let her know that you love her but you will not tolerate her telling someone else that she loves them too. She is in love with a cyberbum. They prey on women here and some women do the same to men. Just put it on the line. Computers are just for head games. She needs to stop the emails. Live in the real world with you. She will never make the move unless you say something to her. Stop your pain!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

And where will waiting get you? You are married. If your marriage means anything, if you have kids, a house, a life you think has a chance as a couple, then jump on this and confront her now. Get into couseling and get to the bottom of what is going on. Sounds like she is making an intimate connection with someone. Once that happens, an affair in right around the corner. That spells disaster, trust me on this one.

If you want to go the noble, romantic route, that is, if you don't have kids to worry about, then see where it leads, but really, you're just hurting yourself.

Stop being a doormat.

Answer 4

Oh my gosh, sorry you found these. She is not being honest with you, and that is key in any marriage. Take a step back and ask yourself if this is really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't you want to be the one and only to the person you made your vows to? You deserve that. You shouldn't be compared - you were already "chosen" to be her husband. She shouldn't be seeing what else it out there. I would talk to her, and I would also email the guy- and if you can talk to him. It's likely there is more to this story than what you are finding in email. And what the hell, why isn't her friends telling her to cut the crap? You deserve BETTER. Stay strong.

Answer 5

I think a lot of wives struggle with this issue. Did we marry the right person for us? Is my husband my soulmate? I know most of my girlfriends, including myself, know a man that we question....hmmmm, am I supposed to be with this man instead? I would be surprised if men didn't wonder the same thing. Having said that, none of us have or would leave our husbands for him. The grass usually looks greener on the other side of the fence. But once you're in a relationship with the other person, you'll be looking over a new fence. People look good at first, but we all have our faults and all relationships will have their problems. She's on a slippery slope by inviting this man to do things. Fantasizing is one thing, but actually making an effort to spend time with the other person is, in my opinion, crossing a line. I don't think it means a dead end for you, but if I were you I would start doing things to sweep her off her feet again. I don't think I would mention the emails yet, if at all. Start sending her flowers, take her out to dinner, start showing an interest in what she likes, take a lot of time out to devote just to her. If you occupy her time in positive ways she won't have extra to spend with another man.

Answer 6

I think that your wife is having an emotional affair. An emotional affair is defined as expressing thoughts, ideas, deep feelings, emotions, or sharing experiences normally reserved for spouse with another person. An emotional affairs differs from a physical affair in that it is not initiated for simple sex. Emotional affairs are often initiated when one spouse is not receiving emotional support from the other spouse and seek fulfillment from another person. Emotional affairs are often viewed as being as devastating to a relationship as an affair that involves only sex. However, some argue that emotional affairs are more devastating to relationships because even though many relationships can survive when one party is not being sexually fulfilled, most cannot survive when one of the parties are not having their emotional needs met.
So basically it is not important whether it leads to sex it is very damaging no matter what.
Your marriage can be saved but only when you and she will decide to find the reason for the affair and work to eliminate it.
Waiting will not help you and will not save your marriage.
Good luck with your problem.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are afraid that she might not pick you if she knew you found her e-mails. So, the other choices you are left with are to talk to her or to wait to see what she does, right? I would say, do not start talking yet, but in the mean time please show her more affection. As a wife I know what she is lacking here in this realtionship with you. A woman never gives the place of a 'soulmate' to anyone who does not have the capacity to sooth her innermost pains and fulfil her innermost desires (which are not necessarily sex and money). So go for it now...do what you are supposed to do.

After all it is you who wants her to 'pick' you and stick to you.

Answer 8

first of all the fact that she is in contact with another man, makes it clear that in her eyes, your and her relationship is lacking something. you don't say if you have children or not, or how u have been married. i think you should at least confront her about this man, and her conduct at least, before you decide what to do. she says she love you , but she don't love you, as her soul mate. you have to find out if they have met, if so then its gone beyond just chat. and your marriage may be in trouble. you can not compete with something that has been built up in her eyes, she only sees what she wants to see, and no matter what you say and do, it appears by what she has been saying to her friends that her mind is made up. the fact that you have all this knowledge shows that this has been going on for a long time. i would be prepared for the worst and would begin protecting myself and my credit rating etc.

Answer 9

It really hurts when your partner does this type of stuff, but behind your back is even worse. If she were open and talked to you about problems in the relationship or wanted something in your relationship she doesnt have, and thinking she will gain it by doing this is wrong. Id confront her. It would drive me crazy if I didn't at least bring it up.

Answer 10

You should talk to her. Not about the emails, but about your relationship in general. Find out if she thinks something is missing. Act as if you sense something is wrong. If none of that gets her talking, just come out with it and bust her, it might just be worth the satisfaction of seeing her squirm.

Answer 11

I would be crushed. If she refers to him as her soulmate it means that she is feeling a connection with him that is strong and unique. I would talk to her about it~ otherwise she may talk herself into leaving you before you've even had a chance to say what matters to you. The two of you married for a reason, sounds like you need to reconnect.