Fiance left family for another woman?

Question

Please no rude answers. I have been very hurt b/c my fiance left our family of 2 kids for a younger ***** he works with. I had suspected it and he moved out saying we were taking a break. He called me that night and cried he wanted to come back. Then a few days later he moved in with this ***** and I went to their work and confronted the home wrecking whore in front of everyone. He says he still loves me, I am his best friend, we can still hang out. He does call. But he doesn't spend much time with the kids. His parents are absolutely pissed at him. I am devastated. Everyone belives he will come back. his dad said he was completely torn. Hs anyone had this experience and what did you do? I love him, but can't trust him, but I want a complete family again. What do you think the odds are that he will come back?

His parents said she not allowed anywhere near their home and my kids are not allowed anywhere near her.

Answer 1

I read this book that said when a man leaves a relationship he has already detached his self emotionally from the women a long time ago so when you get the news of him wanting to leave you have to deal with your feelings cold turkey but who knows how long it has been that he has been detaching him self from you emotionally. We as women generally say how can he move on so fast we just broke up, but in reality you just broke up he has been braking up with you while he was still with you and I am sure you saw the signs of this.

He called you crying because he is probably confused and you are familiar. He also called you crying because just incase it does not work out with this women "hey at least he still have you". I don't know about you, but the love that I have for my daughter does not want to make me be that person.

Now where you went wrong at and most women do, you #1 played yourself by going to the job and making a scene that made no one look bad but you, and it put people in your business. You #2 some how blame her when your fiancé is that one that cheated. I don't care if she locked him in a room but naked and rubbed her naked body all over him a real man will not sleep with that women unless he wants to and your fiancé did.

I also read in this book that when a man cheats he subconsciously makes the decision that if I sleep with this women what I have at home is worth giving up. He loves you but he may not be in love with you, and so to him you were worth giving up. You can not and should not play that mind game "what about the kids" #1 because you carried them and bonded with them for 9 months he didn’t so emotionally he will never feel the way you do about those kids.

And do you really want a man to raise your kids by making them feel it's ok to walk out on someone you love. Do you want them to be raised by someone who their mother does not trust. Now to go back to the women she did not rape him, she did not trip and fall on his dick, she also did not force or make him sleep with her he just simply wanted to f**k her and so he did, and you have to ask yourself are you ok with that.

Are you ok with having a man back in your life and home who has you hurting in a way that only you know. Do you want a man who gives up on "us" (meaning you and him) do you want a man who walks out on his kids just so you can have a complete and normal home for your kids? "Yeah right that has normal written all over it"

I bet he is a great person, I am sure besides this pain you want to focus on the happy times. But I once read this book that said yes he knows about all the happy times and special moment between you two. Yes he knows all the things he did to please you and make you happy, but it was still not enough to make him want to stay with you and you need to think about that.

Also stop saying you are his best friend because last time I checked best friends would not do what he did. Even if everyone feels he will come back do you think to love is to settle, and if you have so much pain the last thing I think you should want is the some one who caused the pain in your presence everyday.

Are you telling me that you really want to set yourself up for "what did I do to make him leave?" what can I do to make him love me again?" what can I change about myself to make him want to be with me?" "Yes there is a possibility that he just don't want to be with me but he does love me enough to not want to hurt my feelings by not saying I just want out of this relationship and if I can just get him to come back and mold myself into what ever I need to be to help him go back to the way things were then I will start working on it right now" Oh and last "what about the kids"

Now is that really what you want? You need to move on unless you are saying I want him back at all cost even if that cost is my self worth and my kids growing up emotional unstable. I bet you are so hurt and confused right now that you would probably take him back even if he said he did not want to get married anymore because #1 all you want from him is to be back, and #2 you will try to work towards and hope that there is something you can do to some how make him change his mind into marrying you again.

You need to take some time out for yourself regroup, bounce back to that strong person you use to be, and find that inner you that you purposely gave up without your fiancé even asking you to give up just because you wanted to make it work. I am going to suggest a book at the end of this long as* message "sorry for that" that you should read while you regroup. I got the audio book version and it saved me.

The book suggest that you should separate yourself completely from him, contact, conversation, the entire situation for 60 days, and do some self discovery and then go back to the situation and then take it from there on what needs to be done. If you have kids only deal with him when it comes to the kids keep it short and to the point and when and if he wants to see the kids have your mom or dad drop them off and pick them up as often as the can until you heal. In 60 days you will not look at this with so much pain, hurt and emotions.

I am not saying leave I am saying stop talking to him because all you are doing is holding on to someone who had to get his self together before he can really be there for you because if you get back together that other women is not going to disappear into thin air and a few weeks from now he may do this again. I hope you read this book (or audio version) and things work out for the best. A person once said do you believe you have a soul mate, and that person said yes, but just because you have one does not mean you are suppose to be with them.




The name of the book is:

"It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy"

By: Greg Behrendt, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt



Again, sorry for the long answer and good luck

Answer 2

well if you take him back, and why would you want to? thats like saying "its ok, i will forgive you" then what are you gonna do when he does it again, and he will. The saying is very true, once a cheater always a cheater. If i were you, i'd get myself together, vocus on me and my kids and try my damndest to give them a good life without worrying about him ever tearing their world apart again. Girl. you can do it, then you'll eventually say, "what did i make such a big fuss for?" My ex did me that way, i dont hate the "other woman" i could shake her hand right now and tell her "thank ya" she did me a favor, i didnt realize it then, just like your not realizing it now, but she did. If it hadnt of happened i wouldnt be where i am today. Girl i got the best husband in the world. And i deserved better and i got it, and so do you and your children! Tighten that back bone up baby, set a good example for your children, dont bad mouth him to your kids, you be the better person, they will see for themselves who's been there for them and who hasnt.

Answer 3

Well, it sounds like you have put your big girl panties on and delt with it. Now, you need to take time to heal. You will need to ask yourself some very difficult questions. 1) do I deserve to be treated this way 2) do my children deserve to see me treated this way 3) would I really want this man back 4) by taking him back am I sending a message to my children that it is ok to be treated this way, or treat someone in this manner. If you aren't going to think of yourself think of your kids. They learn what they live, and they are your biggest fans. Let their love see you though this very hard time, kids love you unconditionally and won't fail you. There is a man out there that deserves the love you have to give, don't waste it on someone who isn't ready to be a man. The best revenge is a happy life without him; and just remember, what goes around comes around, he'll screw her over too. Keep your Chin up High!

Answer 4

You guys sound young. Unfortunately, that's not an advantage, especially for him since this is a rather immature move.

If he is honest and tripped into something that has him confused, then he is on his own trying to sort things out. If he is living with her, make sure you get him to pay you child support and move on to a guy who will respect you. The number one thing his has dropped the ball on is his kids. No real man ever neglects or ignores his kids. You don't have a man, you have a little boy. Let him learn the hard way. Be strong for your kids. They need you to keep it together now more than ever. Good luck.

Answer 5

First, its not her that's at fault. She's single. Its his fault. Why are you not blaming him for all of this?

He'll come back and leave and come back and leave. Is this what you want for your family?

Family is what you make it. It can be one parent or grandparents or two parents. Some have three parents. It is what you make it.

Personally, you have too much going for you to stick around. Its hard to leave...but, if your not going to trust - why are you sticking it out. Don't let the holidays make you make a bad mistake, either.

You might try talking to a therapist about it rather than his parents. A therapist has less baggage and can focus on you.

Just a question...why is it that you have two children and are still not married? If you leave, its a lot less hassel that's fo sure.

Answer 6

Why in the world would you want him back? He still have visitation rights with the kids. But as far as taking that lying, cheating, home wrecking little boy, you are better off without him. He will keep doing this over and over again if you allow it. (by always taking him back). Change the locks, and find yourself a real man!

Answer 7

Now its time to work on the new YOU! Give yourself an extreme makeover. New hair, new clothes, new makeup! Start working out. Go back to school. Be more adventurous! Go out with friends more. Do more exciting things with your child. Just focus on being the best YOU that you could possibly be even if you are already beautiful and fit. There is always room for improvement. While doing all of this Mr. Right will find you.

Answer 8

My parents went through that. My father left my mother and my sister and I for a girl about 2 years older than me. He came back only because they did not work out, if you ask me. But really, I never thought it would anyway.For one, obviously his family have accepted you and they will not accept her into the family.If not, she will get tired of hearing about you. Will he ever be able to really take his girl around his family? Without you being brought up or something. Believe me the odds are it will not work. You have things over her head. He probably just thinks he is head over heels right now but wait until that foolishness falls off. Guys like knowing they can still get yound girls because alot of young girls are naive and young-have their minds on foolish things or childish things.He will miss you and his kids when he realizes exactly what he left behind.

Answer 9

He will when you have moved on and found someone better and even if he comes around while you still miss him just be more aware of what he can do to you again. If anything try to play him like he did you so he can feel what you,ve felt. Oh and if you get him back be more fabulous and sexy as you possibly can be that works like a charm.

Answer 10

The tangent his thought is on is lust, and this is not only tempting, but destructive. He has sacrificed his credibility, and this may never come back all the way. Love without trust is such a cold and hard place to exist, because it is not the fullness of love. The chance of him coming back depends on if he wakes up spiritually and sees life differently than he does now.

Answer 11

you should have more respect for yourself. why would you even consider taking him back? you will love someone else even harder. the trust is gone for you, and you will be the one in doubt forever, not him. he will rest just fine, but you will always wonder, when and if he is going to leave again and if he really loves you. but I know you just have to find out for yourself. so go ahead, we all have had our turn at being stupid.