I've got an ex-husband who is my girls' father who is an alcoholic from hell.... We do get along pretty well but he wants to come back into my life after 2.5 years of divorce and be here with us.
I love him dearly but he's pretty much the same jerk he always was. He's been working on his attitude which has improved greatly but he's still pulling stunts like drinking and driving.
I have a super sweet and loving guy who I am great friends with who's in love with me and treats me like a queen. I feel so torn because I know that me being with the kids' dad would make them a lot happier!
What am I to do?
2006-11-16 15:10:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO! All you ahve to do is picture the HORROR of when he was Living in the Home and you had to deal with that mess every day -- day in and day out ...
OH, DEFINITELY NO! Do you want to co-dependent and enable this jerk to be his Alcoholic Self all his life and be abused in the process, then PUT YOUR and YOUR DAUGHTER's Life in Danger by DRIVING while Drunk with BOTH of you in the Car?
NO!!!! Tell him to GO -- NEVER let this back into your home IF you value YOUR life and the LIVES of your CHILDREN!
2006-11-16 15:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that the bond between father,mother and children should never be hendered in any way.Except if one or the other has a problem that could hurt the children physically or emotionaly.Then extreme caution must always be in front, for the protection of the children.I do not know how old your children are.And I don't know what stipulations were entered into the final injuction,in reference to the divorce.Anyway, you are the primary parent and I am assuming that you brought it to the courts attention that the non custodial parent has a serious drinking problem,and by no means should father ever be allowed to transport children as long as he is behind the wheel.And supervised visits should have been a necessity.I truly believe that, you believeing that the children would be happier if the two of you were in the same house,is not correct.Because no matter how old children are they since,tension.And you can't hide his problem from them all the time.If your children are 5 or under,you should sit them down and tell them that Daddy has an illness that sometimes makes him talk funny and stumble somewhat,and do things that he should'nt do, when he has these spells.So you and Daddy decided that it would be better if he were'nt in the same house with the ones he loves until he can get some help for his illness, as he does'nt want his family to see him like this.If they are older.Tell them he has had this uncontrolable drinking problem for some time and it was getting whorse And you are physically and emotionaly drained trying to protect them and yourself from the horrible pain that comes with Dads drinking problem.So hoping that Dad loves his family enough that being out of the house away from the ones he loves will help him get help soon.But realizing that this is an illness that sometimes can not be shook off.All you can do is pray and prey and tell Dad everyday that If he loves you then get rid of this monkey on his back if he want's his family back.
good luck
and keep intouch .....
2006-11-16 17:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by jam b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There were reasons for your divorce and those reasons still exist. Alcolism is a lifelong illness for which the only cure is total abstinance. I Know because I am an alcohlic. I 've been sober for 30 years. Alcoholics are some of the world's greatest con artists. You I'm sure are now quite knowledgeable on that subject. We will say anything & do whatever it takes to recover what we've screwed up, especially our families & then screw it up all over again. You may think that allowing him back into your life will make your children happier. But what about you Mom will it make you happier. Maybe for the short term but in the long term you're taking a huge risk. Your children are the most precious gift you'll ever recieve in your lifetime. They depend solely on you for their happiness & well being. You can only make someone else happy if you are truly happy yourself. In your heart & in your soul. Don't put your faith in that never ending promise that things are going to change & things are going to be different from now on. They seldom do & seldom are. There are a lot of success stories & there are also a lot of failures. How guilty will you feel if they were in an accident or otherwise jepordized as a result of his drinking. Could you ever forgive yourself. Tough questions for sure & dire consequences as a result.
You are a young lady with a long life ahead of you. This decision will determine if you'll find a life of happiness & contentment for you & your children or a life of sorrow & regret. Don't feel guilty if you decide not to reunite with your children's father. In reality you are protecting them as is your duty as their Mom. He's had a chance, probably several, but despite the consequences of his actions he continued on until all hope was gone. Now the remorse & guilt has set in & like a little puppy with his tail between his legs he's back. As your children grow up & mature they will understand for themselves the problem their father has & know the reasons why Mom & Dad went their separate ways & there's no reason whatsoever why they can't have a loving relationship with both. Never under estimate the wisdom of a child. You have a young man in your life who treats you like gold. Enjoy that for a while. Even though you may not have deep feelings of love for him keep in mind that the most successful relationships are the ones were the individuals are friends first before they become lovers. Give it some more time. It may cause your ex to finally & genuinely change his ways. It will also give the children more time to see what makes Mom truly happy.Trust your instincts & follow your heart. You'll do just fine.....
Good luck. I hope you & your children find the happiness & contentment you deserve.
2006-11-16 16:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by Diablo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree. The kids might think having their 'dad' in their lives would make them happier but you are the parent and you know better. This guy has an addiction problem, is unstable, and could possibly harm your children if he took them somewhere and got plastured. If you are going to make a decision with your children in mind then pick the one you know loves you and you girls more then the bottle. End the vicious cycle.
2006-11-16 15:41:05 · answer #4 · answered by d☻min☺ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice: Bite the Alkie. He is not doing anyone any good whatsoever. If you have a sugar daddy on the side and he is willing to accept you and your kids for who you are, go for it. Just make sure he isnt playing you for a one night stand (and vice versa) otherwise, you will both get hurt in the end.
2006-11-16 15:24:09 · answer #5 · answered by a_chickaboom02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget your ex, and do not lose someone who treats you like a queen, if he is good with your kid.
but if your ex is willing to stop drinking and get some help and be a better person you might be able to think about him....
2006-11-16 15:16:43 · answer #6 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can the kids sit there and watch their daddy come in drunk, and see mom not happy because of it, make them happy? Girlfriend? you got to think just alittle bit harder than that!
2006-11-16 16:11:06 · answer #7 · answered by Lace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 words......Restraining Order
2006-11-16 15:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋