What is it like to be married?...?

Question

I've observed married couples my whole life. Their lives seem so fun when they are dating (holding hands, laughing,cuddling, listening to eachother) but when they get married it seems like they don't pay as much attention to eachother anymore. The wives i have seen are always starving for affection from their husbands, and the husbands put up with their wives. PLEASE, tell me that marriage is better than this? I'm starting to become scared of gettting married because it seems like even the "good" marriages aren't so good!! Can someone please explain this whole thing to me and renew my faith in marriage?

Thank you for all the answers. I read all of them thoroughly...

God, how am i going to choose a best answer? You all (almost all) answered beautifully, thank you so much.

Answer 1

THIS DEC, I have been married to my wonderful husband for 29 years . it is great like the other person said when you are in love with your spouse. but being married can be hard . its not all ways a bed of rose's , you will find some thorns in the bed at times. but it can all so be great .its wonderful to know you have a person who loves you accepts you just the way you are . you don't haft to change for them because they love you anyway . that's called unconditional love and if you find this with a spouse it can be wonderful .29 years ago me and my husband made a deal between us that we have kept .and that was no matter if we where angry with the other that we would say i love you to each other every night before going to sleep . and that means allot to hear that he loves me even when he is angry and upset with me for some reason . he has become my best friend in life and i could not imagine my life without him . and i think its so amazing to love some one with all your heart . i would not change a thing about my being married to him if he ask me to marry him again after knowing him all theses years i would . i hope this helps you decide if you want to be married.

Answer 2

This is a very good question. I've been married for 13 years and it definately has it's good times and it's bad. The mystery about it is this...any time you spend years with someone, you're bound to fight and not get along. It doesn't mean that marriage sucks. Let's say you're 25 when you get married. You're still married to the same guy at 35. In those 10 years, you have both changed and grown up so much. And if you have kids, that adds another dynamic. Kids are the best thing any woman could have, but it takes away from that one-on-one time you had with your husband before kids. People who rush into marriage don't really have a chance because they don't know if they can handle that person all day, every day, for years. In marriage you also have times when you fall back in love with each other. This is why it's so important to really know the person you are going to marry and date for at least 2 years first. I still send my husband sexy cards at work and I make an effort to keep up my end of the deal. If you don't do that, then why should he? The hardest part of marriage is around the 3rd - 8th years...and even then, it's all in learning how to 'dance' with each others moods and flaws - and you BOTH will have them - But it is soooo worth it. It just gets better year after year if you hold up your end of the deal.

Answer 3

Life is what you make it! If you make it nice then it will be nice! Make the right choices and you'll be fine. I have been with my husband since 11th grade he was a senior, we dated for 3 years and moved in together. Dated for 4 more years while living together. Then got married! It was the best choice I ever made! I wouldn' t change a thing. We still cuddle on the couch every night, but the dog has to be between us! He's not having any of that! LOL! We do have our ups and downs, but for the most part we are happy! I starve for affection all day while I'm at work then when I get home and he walks in the door It's the best!
Your friend is probably feeling like she has to put up with him too.
It usually goes both ways! If not someone is talking ****! not cool!
For you you just keep these little things in mind! He should walk beside you not in front or behind! I know people have different feelings about living together before you get married, but you must! If you can't live with him how can you be married to him?


Together 13 / married 6

Answer 4

I've been married for over 30 years. I can tell you that marriage, like anything in life, takes work.

So many people marry what they want - and not what they need. That's why it seems there are so many unhappy marriages.
When you first get married, it's the sex that keeps you close. After awhile, you wind up getting to be best friends all over again and the sex is secondary. If you don't have someone you like (not lust after) as a partner it's just not gonna last.

The trick is to continue to talk to each other and not grow distant. I have SO much fun with my wife - even after all these years. We really don't have all that much in common, but we are still crazy about each other and spend a lot of quality time together as well as ensuring our physical needs are met.

The neat thing about marriage is that you can have different interests, etc. and not have it cause a conflict in the marriage as long as both spouses are okay with the interests.

Answer 5

Well...I don't know if I can renew your faith in marriage...but maybe give you some things to think about at least. Marriage is hard and fun. I was just married4 years ago and I've known my husband for 6 yrs. I always wonder how its going to be in 40 years, if I can last with one man for that long....but then I look at my past relationships, and I'm thankful I have him. On the other hand, I miss the days when I had my own apartment, living by myself and doing what I wanted. but....that gets lonely too. Marriage isn't all fun and games, it takes a lot of work to not get bored. We have 2 small children and that really puts a stress on things. Our firstborn was 4 months old when we got married, so we never even had that alone time in the beginning. We were already stressed out wondering how we were going to make it. It caused a lot of arguments. I believe that you have to be with someone that you get along with. People always worry about not having anything to say during a dinner date, or 'what will we talk about'. I think if you can sit with a person during dinner and be comfortable even though you aren't talking all the time, that is a plus. After a few months of dating my husband, I knew I would be with him. Of course, you don't really know a person until you are married to them either. Dating is different than waking up to the same person everyday...day in and day out. Seeing their bad habits, things that annoy you. there comes a time when you have to put those things aside. I mean, there are worse things to be frustrated about and more important things to dwell on. All in all, communication is the big key. If you don't talk about things, ask questions, reveal your true thoughts and feelings..you won't get very far. Problems arise from resentment..and resentment comes from lack of communication.
Marriage isn't for everybody. you have to decide what is right for you. I believe everyone should wait until they are at least 30 before they cotemplate marriage. We all change so much as individuals as time goes by, we have to be willing to accept the changes of our partners too.

Answer 6

Marriage is what you make of it. People who have been married 50 years still hold hands laugh etc. Because they still chose to do those things, they didn't forget those little things that matter so much. Most people get so wrapped up in work and other things that they forget why they got married in the first place. Marriage is like a job you have to work at, it is a life long job with ups and downs along the way but if it is what you want it is worth it. So if you get married make sure you don't stop doing the things that made you love the one your with. GL

Answer 7

I have been married for 7.5 years and i love it. We have two children and they are great. Sure, we sometimes have little agruments, but that is healthy, and we NEVER go to bed mad at one another, and we NEVER fight in front of our kids. My husband is super. He works and I stay home with the kids. He always makes a point to kiss me good bye in the AM and first thing when he gets home. I ALWAYS make sure that when we part in the morning, I tell him I love him and Ihope he has a great day. Then, just as he is pulling out of the drive, I pray for him that God will put a band of angels around him and keep him safe until he returns home. I also so the same thing when I let my little girl out at school.. My husband and I have had a tough road to walk during our marriage, we have always made it a point to make sure that the other one knows that we love them and that our children know we love them. I feel the most important thing in a marriage, besides love, is GOD! The closer you grow to God the closer you will grow to each other. I wish you good luck and have faith, that IS what marriage is about!




ALSO: I still get butterflies when my hubby takes my hand, and when he kisses me. Oh, the SEX is much better as the years go by, you are more comfortabel with each other and you know how to please each other!

Answer 8

To be married you have to have a sense of humor for sure! Been married for 16 years and trust me it isn't like it was in the beginning, not bad, just not the same. After the kids come along, you get so tied up in being parents that sometimes the romance goes a little sour. It takes work and understanding on both parts. My husband and I are still very much in love and I hope in our retirement years. we will be able to rekindle the flirting and romance. I think they should rename married couples to "Contented Couples" because that's what it usually becomes but don't be afraid of marriage... I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Answer 9

marriage is great if you work on it. It has its good days and bad days but overall it is great.

In a society in which egocentricity, self-gratification, narcissism, and selfishness are glorified, it has become more and more difficult to establish good relationships of any kind. People want desperately to find closeness and warmth, but they have forgotten the art of sharing, of communicating and cooperating, of adjusting. They have forgotten that lasting relationships require patience and forbearance. What is more, such relationships require concern and consideration, and even sacrifice.

A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.

Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.

Answer 10

Marriage is better than this.

What you see is not typical. Or, if it is typical, it shouldn't be.

It took me to my 3rd marriage to get it right. I've been married for more than 10 years and am still as deeply in love with my husband as he is with me. He holds my hand, he hugs me, he kisses me. Its always like we've only been dating for months rather than years.

Know that you can't change anyone. Accept them for who they are - and be sure they accept you for who you are. Marry your very best friend in the entire world. Trust them with all your heart and allow them to trust you as well.

Don't get married because of any other reason than...its what you and he want to do.

I married the first time at age 20 to get out of the house. The second time because my family said he'd never marry me. The third time, my mid 40's, I married for love. To this very day, if he walks in a room...my heart skips a beat. And, last night, he sat down on the couch, took my hand, and said I was his very best friend and he loved me very much.

Marriage is a partnership. Its like running a business with lots of emotions.. If and when you get married - never stop going on dates. If you have 10 kids...still, you must go on a date every single week - just the two of you. Never miss one week - or you will miss each other. Its all about communication.