Is it ok for a loving, faithful husband to see porno even though he has no intention in cheating?

Question

Ok, so what had happened was I was deployed to Iraq for a total of 19 months since 2003 and numerous other deployment with the US Army.Well being in a all male unit (infantry) , sometimes a man gets kinda lonely out there and instead of turning gay, I bought a couple of porn movies for happy time. Well, since my reutrn I have became sort of addicted to porno but not to a way I am subscribe to a site or anything like that, I just like to browse through websites and enjoy myself. Well, its been 6 months since I have been back home and my wife caught me during my happy time. Well she is pregnant and is starting to grow. She broke down saying I did notlove her any more and I did not find her attractive any more. Honestly,I feal her is very attractive and has gotten very sexy curves since being pregnant. I love her and will always be a faithful husband to a point that I do not chat with any females or I try to hit on any one. I feal she doesn't understand me and I need someones opinion. TY

WOW, I did not know so many people were on here. I would start off by saying thank you to everybody. It seems its about half and half. I would like to clarify that I don't think I am addicted to porn but I just can't get it out of my system yet. I've known my wife for over 10 years now and I feal I couldn't be blessed with a better woman even if I lived another 20 lives. She is my one and only but I know what I'm doing is wrong but I have been so used to it. Before Iraq, I did deployments to Kuwait, Pakistan, and Egypt. Those were deployments before were even going out. I have recently gotten out of the military and now I work the night shift and she works during the day, so the time we spend together is limited. I try to give her everything she needs AND wants and I feal I am a great husband and father but because of this one flaw, we have spoke in more than 48 hours and it skilling me and I'm sure it killing her worse. So I just need to hear other people opinions. Thank you

Answer 1

You have a big problem, get help. Any addiction and you called it an addiction first is bad. If you love your wife talk to her show her you care more about her then the smut. She is having your kid and studies show that one of the most common times men cheat is when the significant other is pregnant. Good luck bro.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

FIrst off, thank you for serving our country.

You have some choices to make. Women who are not ok withj porm may feel that the time you spend staring at other women and the acrobatic tricks they do on film takes away from the feelings and attraction you have for her. To some degree, she might be right. If you had less happy time by yourself, don't you think the eenergies you release would be better spent on your wife? Explain the whole story to her if you haven't already. Humans are conditioned animals, and guys even moreso. Tell her you were conditioned to this but for the sake of her feelings, you'll cut it out. And really, try to. If you have to "pull" some happy time, use your memory, close your eyes and hit the bathroom. Then the only thing you can do is make an effort to prove to her you still love her and find her attractive. Her hormones are way outta wack and she feels self concious about her changing body now more than ever. Be considerate.

The other thing I would suggest is getting on the same schedule. Work the same hours. What you are doing is fine for short term solutions, but not for the long haul. Even if you have to take a pay cut, you remain a family. Which do you want more? Money or the love of your life.

Being a man means sacrifice and making tought decisions. Dude, you're a freaking soldier, you can do anything.

Boo yah!

Answer 4

OK you did one thing a little stupid and inconsiderate YOU HID THIS FROM HER any relationship needs honest and open lines of communication this is something she should know about maybe you should watch it together a woman when pregnant feels fat and uncomfortable and needs to be paid extra attention you are a jerk for not giving her that but as long as she is secure that this is not a sign that you are not planning on or cheating or even finding her less attractive then she won't have a real problem with it ( especially when you bring her a real charge in bed ) just keep in mind that this could get out of hand and keep it out of your hand don't let it become a addiction and fer cryin out loud TALK TO HER ABOUT IT YOU FOOL women do not understand that when they are pregnant they are far more beautiful don't just explain that SHOW IT remember even if she is uncomfortable physically because she is so far along with you stirring the honey you can also lick the jar

Answer 5

No, it's not okay & it is the same thing as cheating. A wife feels rejected when her husband feels a need to bring this destructive addictive stuff into the home & view it in whatever form. Your wife is even extra sensitive now that she is pregnant & her body is changing. It is difficult for a woman in this world today to compete with all the images out there in the media of how a woman should look. Women feel rejected when their husband's choose to watch naked women engaging in sex on tv or the internet or wherever. It's disrespectful to your wife & to your self. And it is very very addicting. It is also opening a door that may lead to other things in the future. So when this no longer satisfies you in your "happy time" what's next. You are opening up yourself to lots of bad possibilities & you are hurting your wife - that's the bottom line. So if you are hurting her is your "happy time" more important than her feelings?

Answer 6

of all people, you're the closest to her and should know what she can deal with and how to confront her about things..My husband is a faithful husband and watches porn.. Its a natural thing.. he doesn't all the time.. but he likes it.. and he includes me and we watch together..Its too bad that this didn't happen before she was pregnant, because right now she is in very fragile state.. If this is her first baby.. Its very hard to deal with the changes in your body.. and so you don't feel sexy.. so to catch now.. she is going to think that you dont find her sexy anymore because of her changes.. Apologize to her and be sensitive to her needs. Not too much though because then you'll annoy her, and then it would seem like you're just feelin guilty..Be affectionate, and introduce it to her.. When the both of you are having a romantic moment ask her.. Theres nothing wrong with it and its good foreplay.. It just might change sexual relationship to something better and then you won't need the porn anymore or just as much...Remember, talking and communicating with one another builds a better relationship..Dont let fear get in the way..Good Luck!!

Answer 7

you're going to catch a lot of crap from the self righteous in here, but let me just tell you man to man, you did nothing wrong. In fact I find it most honorable that you observed your vows while away, and you were willing to take a "manual" substitute to the real thing. Now as far as addiction, that's never a good thing, but private time to yourself, acting out a fantasy where nobody gets hurt, and just as long as we are talking about your regular run of the mill porn ( not something vile like kiddie or animal ) I say you're wife needs to get a reality check and be thankful that she has a faithful man that puts his family before his needs; I am sure with your wife being preg, she's not exactly in the mood these days, right? So there's many an ****** who would go and cheat during this time, but not you, you went and popped on some porn and took care of your needs in your own private moment.

Jusat let her know how much she means to you, shower her with your obvious dedication to her and she'll come around..

oh, and thank you for your service to our country...

Good luck...

Answer 8

There's a fine line there. I think once in while it's okay, but if you get to the point that you use the porn to the exclusion of all other stimuli you run into some serious abnormal sexual practices. Also if you feel your wife is attractive with her new curves TELL HER. Right now she has all sorts of chemicals making her crazy, and most women don't think they are attractive when they are pregnant, if you tell her (and often) it will alleviate her thought processes that lead her to saying that you don't find her attractive. If she's amenable to it even approach her when you want "happy time". This way she feels wanted and you both get "happy time". You both win.

Answer 9

In fact pornography can be prescribed by doctors in situations where erectile dysfunction is a problem. In your case your wife isn't knowledgable about human physiology. Men have evolved to react to visual stimuli. Thats why women have evolved large breasts when all other similar animals (chimps)don't. It's natural.

Also a pregnant woman has many emotional issues due to hormones. They often suffer from depression about their new look and can feel we are just patronizing them when we say they look sexy at 6 to 9 months. They really can look sexy. Careful Sex towards the end of the term can facilitate child birth. The army has many resources for you to investigate this further. If you two don't want to get a counsellor to help explain they will be able to direct you to publications and or videos about these issues.

Answer 10

As an Army wife myself I can see your wifes point of view. My husband tried to deny that he was looking at porno in Iraq and at home. He thought id be angry but I was just the opposite. LOTS of husbands go to Iraq and DONT look at porn they cheat with other women. If porno saves you from being with someone else all the better.

Tell her how much you appreciate her. And how how the girls in the magazine are plastic dolls made for entertainment purposes. There not real there airbrushed painted girls who are for one thing and one thing only. She on the other hand is your wife the one you make a life and a future with. When you look at her you see a beautful woman not some piece of entertainment and you do think she is attractive so attractive that if you told her everyitme you thought she was attractive or each time you thought of something you would like to do to or with her you would be talking and pawing at her all the time. I sure hope if you dont take my advice whatever you do works out for you.Adjustments are hard everyone has new habits they have picked up. Takes time to get used to being home again for you and for her to get used to you being home again.

Good luck and thanks from my family to yours for the sacrafices you make.