My husband and I would love to move away. We found a place we love and have really done our research on it. The only problem is it's 7 hours away from our family and my mom is more than unhappy about it. My mom is one of the sweetest people alive and would never do anything to hurt me, but she has said about anything to make me stay. She makes me feel guilty about taking her grandchildren away (we don't even have kids yet!) and how she feels that it's wrong. My husband and I know this is what we want but my mom and I are so close I don't know if I could leave her. This isn't causing problems with my husband and me, but that's only because he is so great. He still recognizes the fact that my mom is meddling in our marriage, but he also realizes how hard it is for me to leave her. I'm torn between what may be best for me and my husband, or what would make my family happy. She really is my best friend and just wants me near her. What do I do?
2006-11-16 13:30:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is so weird because your situation is just like mine! About two years ago my husband and I wanted to move out of state and my mom was very upset. She and I were super close--like best friends. We knew everything about each other.
Well, she tried the guilt trip thing, the what if I get sick thing, etc. So my husband and I stuck around for another six months. Finally we realized that my mom loves me no matter what. We will always be best friends because we are twins of one another. And no matter how far away we are, that will never change.
So I sat down with my mom and we talked. I told her I loved her but it was a little selfish to keep me on such a leash. We had a good cry and she accepted the fact that I wasn't in the womb anymore. She wasn't totally happy about it, but she supported us.
Now my hubby and I live in the mountains we've always dreamed of. And my mom and I are actually closer than ever--being apart has made us work at our mother/daughter relationship. Now we treat each other a lot nicer.
I would definitely follow your dreams. She's your mom and will come around eventually! Good luck sweetie!
2006-11-16 13:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by Pearl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have no answer for you. But I can tell you I'm going through almost the same thing. When I was 5 months pregnant with twins my parents moved away. Not just a few hours (by car) but 18 hours and 2 states away. I was devastated. But I knew this was what they've wanted to do since they came to the states 30 years ago. Mind you these are the first grandchildren on both sides of the family. It has been very hard for me. It didn't help that I had enough hormones to make me crazy but then my mom moves away. I cried for a month straight. Then after my boys were born, the baby blues didn't help either. My husband and I plan to move down there to be closer to them. The decision hasn't been easy for us, my husband doesn't want to go. But he knows how important it is for me to be near my family. I don't want my children to grow up not knowing their grandparents. My parents weren't able to make the birth of the boys. The boys will be 2 this Sunday and they have only seen them twice.
My advise, 7 hours is not horrible. My parents used to make a long weekend to visit my uncle once a month and he lived 8 hours away. At least you can drive there in one night. As appose to a whole day without stopping with 2 cranky kids who has gotten tired of sitting in their car seats for 18 hours.
2006-11-16 13:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by elprez14 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think I would move anyway. I have a close relationship with my parents and now just my mum as my dad passed away. I have spent my whole life being a dutiful daughter and have only stayed in the area due to reasons like this. It has caused many problems. I tell my own kids to live their lives and not to stay in the area if they dont want to. If you let your mother make your choices you will regret it later. Remember the poem if you love something set it free etc.
2006-11-16 13:39:58 · answer #3 · answered by auburn 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had this same dilemma when i first got married! It was so hard being away from my Mom! We are best friends, too!! I cried every night....no joke! And i was 20...LOL ! I had never been away from my Mom. It has to happen sometime, though...i know it's hard..but it will have to happen. The only thing that helps you get over the separation from a parent, is time! It will get better...Good luck!
2006-11-16 13:37:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, you are a grown woman. I respect that you are close to your mom, but you need to live your life for yourself. Do your best to ease her worries. Assure her you will call and write and make sure she visits the future grandkids. But it is time for you to leave the nest. I am very close with my family as well and it was hard when I went away to college, but that's where I met my hubby. Do whats best for you because it will always be hard for her to see her baby go. Good luck. By the way, congrats on getting a hubby that isn't jealous. Those are rare.
2006-11-16 13:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by yay_boxes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u r a very lucky woman! because u have a sweet husband and loving mom. What else u need? Just make both of them happy. However, try to convince ur mom that u need to move away for better living. May be she will be happy if u convince her.
2006-11-16 13:39:52 · answer #6 · answered by kiran123 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife and I decided to move last year. We moved from SoCal to Missouri. My Mom, sister and two brothers are still in SoCal with their families. It was tough, as I've been the one she relied on for so long as I'm very much like my Dad (Died).
We had to do this for ourselves. Not to get away from anything but the area, but because it offered us the kind of life we want to lead.
I encourage you to follow your dreams and live your lives for yourselves. We're a lot more than 7 hours away. It's about 1600 miles. Nothing has made us sorry we've moved.
Good luck to you whatever you decide.
2006-11-16 13:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should move while you have the opportunity and the drive to do it. You Mom will love you no matter what and she'll come see you if you move. It'll hurt you both to move away, but remember whose life it is.
2006-11-16 14:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Steph L 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what's best for you and your husband. Try to work it out that your Mom gets to see you a few times a month.
2006-11-16 13:38:19 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. G. 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are as far away as a phone call, a car ride, a plane trip. You could probably even come in once a month and see her or she can come out and see you. Do what is best for you and your hubby.
2006-11-16 13:39:08 · answer #10 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋