what do u think of my writing?

Question

empty is the river true, but deep is the lust of thirst. drowning is the wish at best, desret heat and fire first.( i would like to see other peoples interps of my short peice above.)

Answer 1

First of all structure.

Lines 1-3 have 7 syllables / 4 accented
Line 4 has 6 syllables, 3 accents (one falls on "and," ackward)

Rhyme scheme is ABCB. That leads me to believe this quatrain is part of a larger poem following a grander rhyme scheme.

Grammatically, you use "is the" in three lines. A little repitious for so few syllables.

Second of all: Interpretation

This is the best part of any poetic piece. Your imagery is quite adequate. You properly balance the ideas of Heat and Water throughout the poem, giving an assertive/receptive feel to the piece.

As for the underlying metaphors, I believe that you are trying to convey a sense of absolute foreboding sadness.

Your poem tells me that you "thirst" for something more out of life, but in searching, you find nothing even though you are hoping to be able to "drown" in new experiences. Instead, you find despair at every turn, but, yet, are able to see this despair as trials and tribulations that need to be overcome before your "river" will be full again.

I belive that your poems underlying metaphor is very sound, as well as the imagery. A little work with structure, and some more versus, could easily make this a publishable poem.

my $.02

Answer 2

This seems to be about either love or despair.The passion is there and I really like your style but it's difficult to get a mental picture of your sentiment.
When I write, I know what I mean. But if someone read it would THEY know what I mean?
Abstract ideas are meant to inspire thought and add color to otherwise dull or common scenarios. Not to raise questions like, "what the hell did I just read"? Have a point. On the other hand, even though I didn't get a grip on your meaning, I still liked it.
Write on.
By the way, I rewrote this answer three times before I submitted it. That's what us writers do.
P.S. Don't listen to "Random". There is a thing called 'poetic license'. That means you can write what you want and how you want. No rules. Also called 'artistic license'.

Answer 3

I interpret as the futility and uselessness of your own desires and ambitions. You have these desires and wants, but you cannot get or obtain them.

The river is dry, though you are thirsty. You even want to drown in water you lust so, but there is none around you.

That is what I interpret it to be. Nice poem ^_^ thumbs up! ^ o ^

Answer 4

Very... beautiful with abundance. I think you should add more to it. It's as if there is a reason to each word, and it's very... nicely written. Kind of like the writings that leave you struck-speechless at the last word.... Good luck to you and keep on writing!

Stay safe.

Answer 5

nice very philosohpical(if thats a word) It seems that the soul is empty yet it yearns to be filled, but it will be tested by fate and life.

Answer 6

That is great! I love your way of expressing yourself into your fabulous writing. It is beautiful. Have you ever thought of becoming a poet?

Answer 7

Hi, have you tried haiku...? I liked your piece by the way, and I guess you'd be an interesting haiku writer.

Ciao.

Answer 8

hmmmm...depends on the depth and you realization that that need is only good relative to your happiness...otherwise, yes, you just drown in superficiality.

the writting is good though.

Answer 9

>Good writing is predicated on understandable spelling and meaning...you, unfortunately, have demonstrated neither.<

Answer 10

Its's really good.Are you gonna write more?